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	SD! : Web boards : Submission : "How long did it take you to find the right one?" 1 2 3 4 5 How long did it take you to find the right one? (46) Moved from Captivity Sat 17 Feb 07, 9:39 PM 608-449-833 2 yrs  since i have only limited expierence in this, i wanted to ask others. the recent consideration did not work out, mutally agreed. reading some of your posts, about how happy you are with your partner/Master/Dom/sub/slave i wonder...how many attempts did you have to make to find the right one? thanks fae 17 Feb 07, 9:52 PM 000-857-861 4 yrs  608-449-833 wrote: since i have only limited expierence in this, i wanted to ask others. the recent consideration did not work out, mutally agreed. reading some of your posts, about how happy you are with your partner/Master/Dom/sub/slave i wonder...how many attempts did you have to make to find the right one? thanks fae I have been looking for OVER 5 years; no collar, no wedding ring. I have met some great men along the way, no one that I have said 'yes' to in those very special areas. Don't put a time limit or compare yourself to others, some people have had multiple collars or have offered multiple collars. I prefer quality over quantity. I am a dieing breed though. "Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are." ~Author Unknown 17 Feb 07, 9:55 PM GayMasterEd US, 2 yrs  I have yet to find the "right one" but have had many great experiences while looking. Talking with other one never knows not when but if they will find a slave. I find as I search it forces me to re-evaluate just who I am looking for. The brief Master slave relationships were ended by a hurricane, job transfers and a need to grow in ways that I could not meet. Just keep looking--meeting people, talking with people, become a member of local groups to expand your contacts and attend demos, workshops, and use the internet sites safely. The wider the circle the more opportunities will become available. Read, research, learn skills, talk with people, and watch others play. Hang in there and you will eventually find that person. 17 Feb 07, 10:16 PM 770-326-260 US, 23 mths  608-449-833 wrote: since i have only limited expierence in this, i wanted to ask others. the recent consideration did not work out, mutally agreed. reading some of your posts, about how happy you are with your partner/Master/Dom/sub/slave i wonder...how many attempts did you have to make to find the right one? thanks fae Gosh...to be completely honest... i'm in my relationship with Master for almost two years and quite often i still wonder if my Master is the right one for me and if i'm the right slave for Him. i don't always wonder this...but when He hasn't directed me to sit at his feet in some time or if He hasn't tied me in a while or hasn't felt like He wants to play the way slave needs, then i just feel like a vanilla wife and wonder if whether Master is masterful, strict and controlling enough (considering that my personality type is so type A and generally domineering)....and i wonder if i'm really just an overworked housewife. i wonder if i can be satisfied for the next 30 years (Lord willing)...heck, i wonder a lot of things...of course i am always thinking about O/our relationship and how deep W/we can go with this slavery thing.... proud and faithful slave, owned by The Master General 17 Feb 07, 10:31 PM jamesgirlll US, 3 yrs  i found my Master when i wasn't looking for one and didn't even know i wanted to be a slave... i found him years before we got together though.... i found my Master on roller skates when i was 17... (that was in 1986) we dated for a bit and even lived together briefly... but we broke up ..... in 2000 we got back together and that was when he enslaved me.... i have never been happier jamesgirl 17 Feb 07, 10:47 PM little_linnet US, 3 yrs  The man who is now be my master was the first guy I ever went on a date with, and the last (no, I didn't grow up in a freakishly religious family or anything, just with an isolating mother and plenty of social troubles). Some days I cannot get over how incredibly, unbelievably, vanishingly lucky I am -- not only did we get married for the wrong reasons as dumb kids without knowing the first thing about building lasting relationships, and somehow survive that, but when I became aware of my need to be owned AFTER we were married, he discovered a corresponding need to own me. I understand this kind of thing to be freakishly rare. Although it didn't happen without a lot of pain and anguish and up to this point, if I measure strictly in hours and days, more "bad" times than "good". This is why I can't claim any superior relationship-building skills or commitment or anything but dumb luck -- we weren't striving together towards some noble but difficult goal, we were just blundering around in the dark and somehow we made it to a good place without killing each other out of sheer incompetence. Other days, well, I really feel convinced that having things work out as they have is SO unbelievably lucky it can't have happened to me, and I'm fooling myself about it. I know of a woman who searched for something like 5 years, nonstop, for her master. We're talking about having almost no life beyond making herself as available as possible for that right one to find her, if and when he came along looking. I always admired her so much, she had such an iron sense of what it was that she needed and refused to settle for less. The last I heard of her she was blissfully happy and I couldn't be more thrilled for her. Krista “I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. “They have their tails in their mouths —- and they're all over crumbs.” 17 Feb 07, 11:43 PM 862-203-011 AU, 23 mths  The trouble with all relationships is that consiously or otherwise, we have a criteria of what we want. With bdsm we have just added another sub-set which automatically narrows the field. Bit like looking for the perfect little black dress. Everyone has a different idea of perfect. Sometimes we find it with great ease and other times it is elusive. Sometimes we give up and settle for a beige number that we are never really happy with, but it covers us and we only moderately hate ourselves in it. In this ones case she was in a nice long term relationship and a very slinky red dress walked in on someone elses arm and she realised she could not do beige anymore. Ten years later it gets better and better. So the moral of this story is keep kissing the toads honey. Some are toxic, some make you high and when you least expect it one reaches up and grabs you. 18 Feb 07, 12:23 AM slave_of_TigerLord UK, 2 yrs  It took me over 2 years to find Master. In those two years i met well over 20 men. As my country is relatively small, the possibilities to find the right Dominant were slim to none. i started taking trips abroad to meet different people and in the end i found Master. i'm very glad i widened up the search because Master is the best person i know. So to find the right person i do advice people to open their minds to new possibilities. Everybody can find the right one, with a little patience. 18 Feb 07, 1:23 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 3 yrs  Sheesh. I got my first submissive in 1992. That lasted a year, and then that sub decided that they weren't really into this after all except as a fetish - the reality wasn't sexy enough. I was glad for the honesty, really. I would rather be with someone for whom it was appropriate than try to push it on someone who isn't. Then I went through a series of 6 boys, over a period of 8 years. Some lasted mere weeks. One only lasted one week. (I have high standards, and my response to a boy being a disobedient jerk is to say, "OK, you can leave now.") Number five was a year and a half, and lived with us - made him a little room in the big walk-in closet with the window in that apartment - but then he left for religious reasons, fair breaking my heart, too. I had serious hopes for that one. Number six lasted a year, but it was LD and he found someone out there whom he liked better (and was closer). After he left me, I turned to divine intervention and prayed for the right one. A few subs came in and out of my life in the meantime, but none stayed. Two years later, Joshua showed up in 2001 - everything I could reasonably ask for in a boy. So I'd say that I looked fairly seriously for over 8 years. Josh has been with me for almost 6 years now, and he's not going anywhere. Moral: don't settle. The universe will give you what you settle for. You *can* have high standards. I'm sure glad that I did. -Raven Kaldera 18 Feb 07, 1:59 AM tangie US(MI), 6 yrs  It sometimes feels like I was looking for my dominant forever. I wonder how many submissives actually dream of dominant men? In regular night time dreams? I did, and pretty often, even through my disaster of a marriage. Those usually turned out to be the elusive ones I hoped for when I went to sleep at night. Oh, they weren't of kinky sex, or even of sex at all. It was him, often just "there", standing, and with me feeling that dominant spirit flowing over me. From the time I knew there was more of an organized "lifestyle" to the time William and I started talks, was about 3 years. I went through quite a few phases, passing from online to real time. I had several real time experiences, and was just over the last, getting ready to date again, and a man who came to our munches asked me out to a movie. I didn't particularly care for him, but there didn't seem to be anything particularly wrong, so made the date. That night, we talked on the phone for the first time, and that conversation left me with an absolutely no way, nada, zip, uh-uh point of view when it came to him. (He told me that on our date, if he tells me to take off my clothes in the restaurant, I was to do so. He said it wasn't illegal, and that I'd be fine. It was one of my favorite places to eat. I realized his was a nut case. He was absolutely serious.) I broke the date and told my friends, who were ecstatic. That very night, my friend introduced me to William online (he knew both of us real time, but William was downstate), and the rest is history. I didn't have to wait all that long if one looks at it from the viewpoint of when I first learned about D/s, but in reality I've been seeking out dominant men for a very long time. Barbara Learning is not childs play; there can be no growth without pain~ Aristotle 18 Feb 07, 3:16 AM 698-613-916 23 mths  Well, i can honestly say i have been searching for the 'right one' for all of my life. i am 44 now and although i never knew i was looking for a Master/Domme that truly is what i was looking for. i married when i was 18 to a 33 year old man that i THOUGHT had a strong character (thinking that would suffice to fill my need to be submissive and serve not knowing a thing about BDSM at the time). He turned out to be a very abusive man emotionally, physcially and spiritually to me. There for acted as though he was strong in charachter but in fact was very weak. It took me a long time to believe i could leave him and still 'have a roof over my head'. i eventuallly left him in 1998. i explored what i truly wanted and started searching for what i then knew was a Master/Domme. After 5 more years of that search i rationallized that it was totally foolish for me to think i would ever find what i was looking for and i settled for an EXTREMELY VANILA marriage with a black man as i realized i was only truly attracted to black men and women of all races. i mean vanila to the point that in 2.5 years i think we had sex 15 times total and each time the 'experience' lasted 10 minutes. i kept thinking something was truly wrong with me because i could never intrest him in sex with me. Then i woke up one day and discovered he married me because he was only looking for a woman to provide for him while he travelled around visiting other women. i left him after being with him for 2.5 years. i attempted to revisit the possibility of a BDSM relationship with yet another black man that seemed a good match with me in our desires of experience and compatibily sexually. All would have been fine had he had the brains to take it and me all seriously enough. After that experience, i decided not to trust a man again. Extreme perhaps, but none the less, arived at with merit i believe. So, here i am still searching and closing in on 44 years. Will i ever find the 'perfect match' much less 'best match'? i truly dont know. i do know one thing though, i REFUSE to settle anymore. If it is not going to be ALL the way i want it and need it then it wont be at all and i will continue through life alone. Loneliness as a result of being alone is far easier to deal with the loneliness from not being able to be who i am and hiding my true desires and needs from the person that shares a bed with me every night. slaves/subs are INCREDIBLY strong people if they are TRUE slaves/subs. That is why we wish to endure what we endure to serve the pleasure of Others. Therefore as slaves/subs we all have the strength required to wait for the right match, if in fact that right match is out there. Thank You to whomever started this site. i truly feel NOW i have a sane place where i can find others to relate to and learn from. i wish Y/you all HUGE success in Y/your personal and professional endeavours and richness of life that every one of U/us deserves!!! Next page