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	SD! : Web boards : D/s News/Events : "so hard for the young" 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 so hard for the young (68) Moved from Submission Sat 14 Apr 07, 5:22 PM mercxi US, 3 yrs I am a 22 yr old dom from ny and I am curious as to why it is sooooo hard for us young males sub or dom to find a sub/slave/mistress? 14 Apr 07, 8:03 PM little_linnet US, 3 yrs Because there are tons of you, and the vast majority of you are wankers with no intention or willingness to commit to putting something IN to a relationship. But I'm different! you say. OK, I believe you. Then you won't have a problem doing something that distinguishes yourself from the masses: subs can learn service skills that are genuinely practical and useful even though they don't get an erotic thrill from them and make themselves interesting companions in general, not just limpets available for beating and humiliation. Dominants can work on deconstructing feelings of defensiveness and improving their intuitive knowledge of applied psychology. Both orientations can teach themselves exquisite communication and relationship skills and develop a greater sense of humility and patience, learning to put off the taste for instant gratification. This phenomenon is not limited to the BDSM subculture, by the way: the world, or at least the country, is full of "nice guys" bemoaning the fact that they can't get a date/girlfriend/wife. The answer is that being nice isn't enough. "Nice" is merely the absence of any glaring and obvious faults. What makes you stand out? And for you in particular, as a dominant, what are you doing to take the matter into your own hands and seek out a submissive rather than complaining that they won't come to you? Krista “My mother burned her bra and I gave up a great career to raise children. Because my mother's bra burned it was a choice not an absolute …” 14 Apr 07, 8:14 PM MindMasterLA US(CA), 21 mths Y! To me....so much of being a Dom or a Master depends upon life experience. I'm not saying young people CAN'T be good Doms or Masters...just that I suspect it is a small sub-set of them who are. It's like psychotherapists. I come to that field as a second (or third or fourth actually) career. There were a number of people in training with me who had basically gone straight from kindergarten to grad school. It would take a lot of catching up, I think, for those people to be as good a therapist...because they didn't have the life experience upon which to base things. Now, having said that, may I say, 18 or 20 something subs are THE BOMB! MM 14 Apr 07, 9:13 PM 311-302-814 US, 2 yrs £ Y! writing in place of Cunt. I am only twenty five and have had absolutely no trouble finding subs. however finding one that was worth dominating took me years. Though well worth the wait. this cunt makes me very happy. cunt tested... ~Master approved 15 Apr 07, 4:38 PM bessie_granger US, 2 yrs I always struggle with this issue, because as a young slave I've always felt strongly about being supportive of young people in the lifestyle, both D types and s types. I personally started looking into this well before I turned 18, as soon as I did I was out looking for local clubs, orgaizations etc. What I found was that at least in my state there is very little involvement I could have publicly until I was 21. I actually think that is one of the big reasons it is hard for younger Doms to find someone, and to be successful as Dominants in general. If you are denied a community to explore and learn in then it's all up to you and that's just a bad idea, especially when so much of this has to do with skill sets. That said, there *are* options for learning on your own. I personally found a relationship that works for me, as well. However, I know I've also had a hard time taking anyone under 30 or so very seriously,(my own Owner was 29 when I met him at 18) and that's pushing it on my comfort level. I personally have issues because I dislike the arrogant posturing attitude that I tend to encounter when dealing with young Doms (I encounter this with plenty of "experienced" older Doms as well, but find it is more prevalent with the younger people). I also find a lot of forced interactions... "Well have you been good today young lady?" and, "You may sit at my feet" when I don't know you from Adam. That kind of thing is just plain a turnoff. The other issue, and this is true for both submissives and Dominants is the fact that the median age in most communities starts in the 40s. Many of these people have children our age. They see their own kids as too young to know what they want (true or false is irrelevent), and would never want this lifestyle for them 99% of the time. Therefore it can be very hard for them to view anyone the same age as their kids as someone who has a valid place in their community. I do reccomend getting involved in any local groups that you can. Most local communities have groups for Doms to come together and learn from each other. Other than that, go to events, go to demos, learn what you can. If you're not putting yourself out there as already knowing it all you will gain a lot more respect. There is a big difference between displaying confidence and dominance, and displaying ego. bessie 15 Apr 07, 5:03 PM 000-857-861 4 yrs mercxi wrote: I am a 22 yr old dom from ny and I am curious as to why it is sooooo hard for us young males sub or dom to find a sub/slave/mistress? Experience is ALWAYS how I decided, I want someone with at least 2 or 3 times the number of years experience as I have {I have more than 5 in r/t, plus more than 10 in study}. So a top in their 20s is NOT gonna cut it for me. I have a LOT of training, don't want to train a top {it gets complicated an I end up topping from the bottom, it gets old FAST}, I want to learn and grow from one with more experience. "Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are." ~Author Unknown 15 Apr 07, 5:31 PM mercxi US, 3 yrs but now how can we get experience if everyone wants experience you know? Personally I also find it to be BS that people assume age means experience, a guy could be 40 and got into this stuff last week but he can get away with saying he has 20 years experience becauase no one second guesses him 15 Apr 07, 5:39 PM bessie_granger US, 2 yrs as I mentioned above,the best way to gain experience is to get involved in your local community. Real time is a wonderful thing. 15 Apr 07, 5:42 PM 000-857-861 4 yrs mercxi wrote: but now how can we get experience if everyone wants experience you know? Personally I also find it to be BS that people assume age means experience, a guy could be 40 and got into this stuff last week but he can get away with saying he has 20 years experience becauase no one second guesses him I second guess EVERYONE. After this long, I have ways of 'testing' a partner to see if they are lieing to me able their experience level or not. No, I won't say how I test them, but, for those few men that know me well and who I know read my posts on here, they can attest that after this long, I have it down as to how to find out if someone is lieing to me about their experience level or lackthereof. Piece of advice for the newbies, if you want to gain experience take classes and go to workshops; get a mentor and read, a LOT. My mentor's husband has been offering for a long time to help me retrain and get back up to 'par' if I would like, I trust both of them and know that things would be fine, I just haven't accepted. My mentor's Master was taught in hte 'old way' aka Olde Guard, which from my experience with tops, is a GREAT way for a top to become a top as they understand and learn what its like to be on both sides, not only that, but, they also gain an understanding that can ONLY be understood and gained by having been in this position. Would I play with a newbie, {rofl} nope. Everythign I doin soem way affects my child, so would I put myself in hte hands of a newbie, nope. I have my munchkin to think about as well as myself. Besides, I'm NOT attracted to guys my own age, they have a lot of growing up to do, at least the ones who contact me do. "Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are." ~Author Unknown 15 Apr 07, 6:14 PM Masters_zero 2 yrs please, please use spellcheck. i can't stand it anymore! have pride in your writing, dear. ~~~Owned & Operated by Master_of_zero~~~ 15 Apr 07, 11:29 PM little_linnet US, 3 yrs "How can I get experience if no one wants to give me experience?" This is also not a question exclusive to the BDSM scene. People applying for their first jobs ask it all the time. I noticed that when people far more experienced than I in the job market answer this question, they almost always say the same thing: "Volunteer". People accept volunteer eforts from candidates they would never employ in that field. True, it's not glamorous. You probably start emptying the wastebaskets. But people dedicated to working in a specific field will be OK with putting in the grunt work to make themselves known and establish a trustworthy, dependable reputation -- and learn the skills from the ground up. I think the BDSM equivalent of "volunteering" is to get to know people, to develop relationships, without expectation of becoming their dominant or owner (without "getting hired" in that exciting position). It can also be the BDSM equivalent of emptying the watebaskets (and by the way, offering to help regularly with munches or other events is probably a brilliant plan and does literally involve emptying the wastebaskets). There's no two ways about it: you can't jump straight into the glamorous part. People who don't know you from Adam are highly unlikely to consider turning their choices and lives over to you. But people who have known you for a long time as a dependable, honest, capable, empathetic, communicative individual? Well, then it becomes different. I noticed that in body mod circles this is talked about a lot, too. Practically everybody wants to become a piercer or a tattoo artist and have that sweet job at the best shop in town. But most of them give up when they find out what it takes: first hanging around the shop of their choice, getting to know the artists without being in the way, until eventually an apprenticeship might be offered. Then, an apprenticeship, which is a grueling year or so involving mostly taping jewelry up to be autoclaved, working the counter and cleaning the shop for months before even beginning piercing techniques start being taught. Most people want to hear that they can pay to take a course that will teach them "everything" or they want a body mod artist to hire them on as an apprentice and begin showing them how to pierce or tattoo right away. Those are the hot shots that don't impress anybody -- and don't go anywhere. The people that do go somewhere? They start by emptying the trash cans and running out for sodas. Krista “My mother burned her bra and I gave up a great career to raise children. Because my mother's bra burned it was a choice not an absolute …” Next page