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	SD! : Web boards : Poly D/s : "adjusting to poly/slave lifestyle from a vanilla" 1 2 adjusting to poly/slave lifestyle from a vanilla (19) Sat 2 Feb 08, 4:49 AM 314-912-805 2 yrs£ i am having an extremely hard time adjusting to the concept of a 24/7 poly life. my Master and i went into this lifestyle from a vanilla relationship (7 years and married with 2 kids). i have been His slave for 1 1/2 years now. Even before W/we moved this direction, W/we engaged in sexual situations with other females. However, after it was all over, the person went home. Now, Master has another slave outside the home. For the longest time I dealt with the question, "why can't he just love me??" I know that it is impossible to please a person in every aspect (as I have also read elsewhere on this board), but as a slave it is my desire. Lately, master has been spending most of his freetime away from the house with his other slave; it is extremely difficult for me to share this time. Often it makes me feel like i'm unimportant, and unloved because he puts the other slave's needs in front of mine (if she calls and wants him to visit, he will go even if we have plans). it really could be that i have been used to his constant attention for the past 6 years and don't know how to share. i know that Master doesn't need to a reason to do what he does and i must obey no matter what, but i can't help be jealous. Now His wish is that we all move into one house. This will be good because He won't be away so much. However, he informed me that i probably will have a separate bedroom from him and the other slave. Also, i have to go along with this or else i can't be with him. i really want this to work. i would really appreciate any and all advise on ways to think/act that would help me acclimate better to this way of living. Thank you, Edited Sun 3 Feb 08, 10:52 PM by 314-912-805 2 Feb 08, 3:06 PM JRCs_petk HK, 13 mths  Ouch, This is such a difficult situation for you, particularly given the history of your relationship, the marriage and children. I really feel for you, and I'm seriously impressed at the way you have discussed the situation, rationally and level headed, outlying the angst without simply mouthing off about your Master. It takes a strong woman to reign in her emotions. Have you spoken/met with your Master's new slave? Perhaps if she were able to see the situation from your point of view she may be willing to work with you on creating a more balanced environment for you all - of course taking into account your Master's needs. Is your Master willing to discuss the situation with you? Does he understand that his actions and decisions may be wreaking havoc with your emotions? Whilst a Master is 'free' to make any decision he likes regarding his lifestyle and slaves, there still needs to be a degree of responsibility on his behalf for your emotional wellbeing. A broken slave is no fun, for the slave or the Master. I believe it would be beneficial for all parties involved to communicate openly and regularly during this period of transition. I do hope this situation works out for you all, I can only hope that your Master is capable of slowing down during this 'bump in the road.' Kind regards, petk 2 Feb 08, 5:04 PM Rogers_Deb0rah UK, 7 yrs  My real issue on this one is what about the children? This is when I totally agree with BA and say Ms with kids just isnt possible at times. What on earth can you explain about Daddy sharing a bedroom with someone who isnt Mummy and expect them to be treated as normal by other kids? Debs x "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox 2 Feb 08, 5:58 PM 770-326-260 US, 22 mths  oh...this situation just makes my heart feel like a great big fist is squeezing every bit of life out of it. i don't believe i could deal with it. Your Master seems to be training you well because you discuss it with such calm.Perhaps i'll never be the slave i wish to be. slave margo 2 Feb 08, 6:24 PM postulant 11 mths  <snip> Lately, master has been spending most of his freetime away from the house with his other slave; it is extremely difficult for me to share this time. Often it makes me feel like i'm unimportant, and unloved because he puts the other slave's needs in front of mine (if she calls and wants him to visit, he will go even if we have plans). it really could be that i have been used to his constant attention for the past 6 years and don't know how to share. i know that Master doesn't need to a reason to do what he does and i must obey no matter what, but i can't help be jealous. Now His wish is that we all move into one house. This will be good because He won't be away so much. However, he informed me that i probably will have a separate bedroom from him and the other slave. Also, i have to go along with this or else i can't be with him. i really want this to work. i would really appreciate any and all advise on ways to think/act that would help me acclimate better to this way of living. Thank you, wyspergrove Oh wyspergrove, what a sticky, painful situation! I think that I would ask to speak to my Master as equals and seriously address my concerns. Specifically, what does he want exactly. Does he truly wish to own two slaves and all of the responsibilities that go with that? Does he wish to be with this new slave and is keeping me around out of a sense of obligation? Will all three of you have separate bedrooms or will he and she share one while you have your own room? Will you and the other slave be equals or will there be a hierarchy? I would want the honest-to-God truth, no matter how painful it may be. It's better to know what we're dealing with now so we can make informed decisions that are in everyone's best interest. And most importantly, as Debs pointed out, what about your children? You don't say how old they are but I'm assuming they're fairly young considering how long you've been married. I would think seriously about not only what they may be exposed to but also how this proposed situation may affect you. A miserable mommy isn't good for anybody, ya know? And in case anybody is thinking, "He's her master, she'll damn well do what he decides and that's that!", I think that there are times when one is almost obligated to speak up, ask questions, and protest to protect themselves from further emotional and/or mental trauma. Especially so if there are children involved. p. 2 Feb 08, 6:57 PM TaintedDesire 4 yrs  I have problems with this post on many levels, but as I have recently discovered, I am not poly, I don't share well within a poly situation, I get jealous and it doesn't make me happy and I would rather walk than be somewhere that I am not happy. My main concern is obviously your children, I have two young children myself, and wouldn't even contemplate no matter what, having them live in a poly household. Life is confusing enough for them as they are growing up without adding the complications of poly to the mixture. The second is, you are his wife as well as his slave, he should be putting you first before his other slave, it should be she, going into the spare bedroom, not you, who have given him children and a stable family life for many years. Slave or not, you have a right to be happy and secure, which I feel you aren't at the moment. If I was you I would put the M/s aside for an evening and seriously discuss your future together, it sounds to me like he is using his Dominance over you to just 'have his cake and eat it' going with the theary 'you are slave and have to accept it', you don't you know, not if it's causing you so much upset. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do, but, please, don't just accept to keep him happy, you have to think about yours and your childrens happiness first and foremost, an unhappy slave is no use to anybody. Oh and edited to add, if we had plans and my Master just upped and left after a phone call from some other women, (which he wouldn't), I would make it perfectly clear that I was pissed. We are still allowed to have opinions and feelings of our own, even ones our Masters may not like hearing from time to time. td 'I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.' Edited 2 Feb 08, 7:00 PM by TaintedDesire 2 Feb 08, 7:54 PM ravenkaldera US(MA), 3 yrs  There are some simple poly issues which need to be worked out here. Let me tell you a hard truth about "V" relationships. (A V-relationship is one where two people are lovers with the same person, but are not themselves lovers.) Of the three relationships in that triangle, the absolutely most important one is the one between the two people who are *not* having sex or in love with each other. They should be good friends, or at least amicably disposed toward each other. Period. Or it's not gonna work. Especially with living together. You and this other girl have got to work out a relationship between the two of you that is not competitive and hostile. You need to get to know her well enough now, before she moves in, to know whether or not she's someone you'd want to live with, all sex aside. If your master has not made a huge effort to get the two of your together, a lot, to help develop your friendship, to have the three of you talk things out, with him doing effective mediation ... it's all going to blow up ... in *his* face. He needs to understand that. I did raise kids in a poly household. It can be done, but it requires huge amounts of honesty, processing, communication, going out of the way for people who are having trouble, etc. Without this, it can't work. And this all sounds like you guys are not talking enough about this stuff. Your master needs to understand how crucial this is. I suggest that he talk to poly community people. I realize that the M/s creates some differences, but there are still some baseline rules of poly that y'all need to learn to survive this. For example, this other girl ... how does she see you? What does she think of you as a person? How does she view your relationship with your master? How does she feel about these feelings you're posting here? What is she prepared to do to help alleviate them? What is she prepared to do upon moving in to adapt herself to living with you and your kids? How does she react when confronted with your issues? Does she like you? Does she like your kids? Does she want kids? What are her own issues of abandonment? How does she feel every time her master leaves? If you don't have clear answers to all these questions - and I'm just getting started here, I could fill a page with questions like this - then your master is doing a crappy job of managing the communication in this poly relationship, and it will blow up on him. Of course, you have to do your part too, and go into this wanting to do what it takes to make it work. But really, if he's the one in charge, it's on him. -Raven Kaldera 2 Feb 08, 7:57 PM Remoses US(PA), 3 yrs  wyspergrove, Perhaps you should consider whether you think of yourself primarily as his slave or as his wife. If you are his wife and you feel jealousy, then you have a legitimate complaint. However, if you are his slave, you have to let go of the jealousy and let him make the decisions. Otherwise you tend to undermine his authority and make yourself the person in control. Is that what you want? I do not mean to suggest that your feeling have no place here. Rather, I think you might do well to consider your role. slave or wife, which is it? I am Remoses. Just because it's inconvenient, doesn't mean it's not required. Qui principi placet, legis habet vigore. (The pleasure of the prince has the force of law.) **Pronounce it: Ray-mosay.** 2 Feb 08, 11:20 PM Rogers_Deb0rah UK, 7 yrs  Remoses wrote: wyspergrove, Perhaps you should consider whether you think of yourself primarily as his slave or as his wife. If you are his wife and you feel jealousy, then you have a legitimate complaint. However, if you are his slave, you have to let go of the jealousy and let him make the decisions. Otherwise you tend to undermine his authority and make yourself the person in control. Is that what you want? I do not mean to suggest that your feeling have no place here. Rather, I think you might do well to consider your role. slave or wife, which is it? I am Remoses. While I completely see what you are saying when it comes to TPE and probably agree with you on one level, the fact that children are involved means that you have to trust the owner to deal with it. I completely agree with Raven that the questions that need answering and sorting need doing so ASAP and certainly before another person moves in. This has to be for the sake of the children and she has to trust that he can and will put them instead of his dick first. Not like a slave should answer I hear some of you cry, but the basic truth is when kids are involved they have to be part of the decision making process and as BA points out, it can get in the way. Raven also says it can work and I believe that too, but again ONLY if the person being in charge has seriously studied the implications and sorted the relationships involved amongst ALL parties. If he runs to a slave as soon as she calls, who is in charge? Especially if he has made plans with his other property (detrimental on a consistent basis) and more then that what about when the kids have a recital or a parents evening etc? Unfortunately, however much you want to make poly work in a household with children if the one person who should be in charge of everything isn't, it will end up damaging everyone involved and kids didn't consent to be put in that situation in the first place. In my mind, he needs to sit down with everyone involved and work out HOW it can work, stop thinking with his pants, stop being at the other slaves beck and call and command these relationships responsibly whilst remaining in control and making sure that the children are not damaged in the process. I don't feel there is a "should" or a who comes first/shares the room etc as that's not property, that's a wife. This is where I do agree on Remoses point in many regards. I do however feel that the relationships need defining and clear messages maintained by thinking straight and looking at the implications and the remedies regarding the children (as they are my personal major concern here) let alone the two women. For example, will she have rights over the kids, who has final say if he's not there, what's said to the kids, who do they go to, when and what for, what do they need to hear as an explanation, who looks after them when, who cooks for who, when, who does the homework with them, who clans and what when and does that mean the kids too ... as has been pointed out, tooooo many questions to even start asking, let alone what about if one of the relationships breaks down, do they have rights to see children they have developed a relationship with etc! It is all too easy to look at poly and see the benefits of having two women/men without regarding the relationship building necessary to make it work and the responsibility to maintain it. It is more then often the case that many poly owners do NOT look at it this way and that's why poly has a bad name. Not because it is bad, but because many practitioners are attracted to the visible benefits without wanting to do the work needed to maintain it. Actually, let's face it, that's all too often the case for TPE too! Debs xx "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox Edited 2 Feb 08, 11:29 PM by Rogers_Deb0rah 3 Feb 08, 4:14 AM allalone47 US, 3 yrs  Sounds more like a cheating husband adn not a poly Master slave relationship.Haveing poly play with an other sub is one thing but haveing two slaves but neather in the same house is differant. Also when one is not there with the other. That is not my idea of poly. Poly is all the slaves together. 4 Feb 08, 3:28 PM skylerpet US(ND), 12 mths  pet is in agreement with a few who have replied... pet will do her best to keep this respectful... pet's first thought, as well as her sisters is that this sounds more like a man cheating on his wife, that a Master wanting a poly relationship. No matter what flavor your relationship, a poly relationship is a sticky and complicated matter. All who are involved with it must agree. Yes, you are a slave. Yes, that takes some of the choice out of your hands but it seems he never spoke with you about this in the beginning. If he is just throwing around ultimatums then pet questions his motives. pet thinks that you really need to think this through. Why do you want to stay with him? If he is throwing around ultimatums like this, what is next? Perhaps pet is going to extremes a bit, but these are her thoughts.... Also, and most importantly...what about the children? where are they in all this mess?? *curled up at her Master's feet* ~~~~ Master reads and pre-approves every post this pet makes. He will deny and/or completely remove and and all posting rights as He sees fit. ~~~~ Next page