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	SD! : Web boards : Poly D/s : "adjusting to poly/slave lifestyle from a vanilla" 1 2 adjusting to poly/slave lifestyle from a vanilla (19) 5 Feb 08, 2:15 AM 688-764-833 US, 2 yrs I agree that the poly part of the relationship needs a lot of work, a lot of honest communication. I am curious about a few things: Was he eighteen as well when you married? Has he always put the needs of others above yours? Do you currently share a bedroom? Is “I have to go along with this or else I can't be with him” it, end of discussion or can you talk to him respectfully about your fears regarding this life-changing event? Are you a pro sub or is that listed in error? Cheers, Leesie 5 Feb 08, 2:34 PM SStar_s_peachy US, 23 mths Y! There are too many "holes" in the main post of this thread to even attempt to respond to this girl's specific needs. However, there are some "facts" that need to be addressed. You state you have been married 7 years and have 2 children. From what i am reading, you were in a married vanilla relationship 5-1/2 of those 7 years. Did you know your husband was a "Master" at the time you married him or was this something that was discovered by him after the marriage took place? Was it something the 2 of you discussed? Did you agree to become his slave voluntarily? Are you a slave of "convenience" or are you a slave at heart and serving because that is what you are? Are you are calling yourself a slave because you will lose him if you don't "play by his rules"? The thing that bothers me more than anything is your statement "Lately, master has been spending most of his freetime away from the house with his other slave ...." He is the father of 2 small children (i am assuming they are younger than 7 years of age). What role is he maintaining in the lives of his children if he spends most of his free time away from home? Regardless of how he wants to comport himself with his "other" slave, he has a responsibility to be father, caretaker and leader to his 2 children. That MUST be his first responsibility. Secondly, he has a marital home which must be maintained and nurtured. Financial responsibility isn't the only thing involved here. i just can't get around his choosing to be away from his children. What you and he decided to do or not do concerning your marriage doesn't just involve the 2 of you. It involves innocent babies who are going to be hurt and scarred if their father isn't playing an active role in their lives. If he's spending most of his free time away from home - that can't be done. i hesitate to give a blanket response by giving specifics but this is so wrong in so many ways. He, as Master, has responsibilities and as his wife (and slave), he has responsibilities to you. A true Master doesn't just think of himself and his needs. He does all he can to promote happiness and contentment, health (mental and physical) to his household. You will wither and die without nurturing and love. This is obvious by the tenor of your post. Your husband gives the appearance of a very selfish man who has found something (poly) which fits HIS wants. It's people such as him who give BDSM and M/s a "bad" reputation. For him to bring this other slave into your home, the home you share with your children, the home the 2 of you created and to expect you to play the role of outsider with no care being given to your needs is just plain wrong in so many avenues. Had you become his wife, as a slave, you would have had the cards on the table and been able to make a decision whether or not to enter this a relationship knowing it would become poly. You gave your consent (as a non-slave at the time) to "play" with others - although they went home after playing. This is a reason why playing can be dangerous. You opened the proverbial floodgate and he's pushing to gain as much as he can before the gates are closed. It sounds as if you are agreeing to anything and everything he throws at you because you are afraid not to. You are afraid he will leave you and the children. You are afraid your home will be destroyed. Sweetie - from what you describe in your post - that may happen regardless of what you do or don't do. No matter how much you give, he'll always want more. No matter how little your needs - they won't be met. i'm probably going to catch a lot of flack for saying this but from the description you give of him, he's no master. He's a man who's approaching middle age, sees a way to play all he wants and have no responsibilities to the children he helped create. He's found a way to "have his cake and eat it too". If you can't be strong for yourself - be strong for your children. Stand up for them. Chances are - the girl he's playing with won't stick around if she has to share him in his real life responsibilities. If he leaves - go to a lawyer and make sure you and your children are protected. YOU owe your children a better life than you have described in your post. Be strong as their mother. Even if he leaves, you won't be any more miserable you are now. Southern Star's peachy 7 Feb 08, 1:10 AM 453-295-258 US(FL), 24 mths agreed. 8 Feb 08, 5:18 AM 314-912-805 2 yrs £ I appreciate all the numerous replies. Although I cannot specifically respond to any of them at this time ( I really can't to into details), I will ponder all points and go from there. Thank you again. 23 Apr 08, 3:18 AM Kristan US(TX), 20 mths I'm new to my slavery and even newer to these boards, so I'm hesitant to offer an opinion... but... To me, it sounds like he is not really a Master at all, but a husband who has found a way to have an affair without the wifey screaming at him. But then again, perhaps this is all new to him, and he is trying to learn while actually engaging in the experience. I also had an issue with the fact that he is no longer going to share a room with you, and that he cancels plans with you to be with her. This sounds like he is making her his first girl over you. You are the mother of his children, and should come first, regardless of the M/s relationship. 23 Apr 08, 4:17 PM MasterMatt84 CA, 11 mths I'd have to say I'm pretty concerned for the children. Regardless of their age, this would be a huge adjustment and one that they will not understand. Furthermore, as they get older it may not be possible to conceal the arrangement, which could be devastating for them as their friends will talk about it and probably make fun. In my opinion you are first and foremost a parent. If you're partner does not understand or care about what effects it could have on the children, then you should do whatever you can to educate him about it. Perhaps you can find a book about someone who was in a similar situation, or a first hand account online. If after doing this you believe that the move would be detrimental to your children's upbringing, you must then make a decision on what is more important...a grown man who can take care of himself and is unable or unwilling to see all of the consequences, or an impressionable and immature child who needs a stable household in order to grow into a functioning member of society. Since this would be your first attempt at a poly relationship, I think it would be unfair to subject your children to the uncertainty involved. I want to make it clear that I am not condeming poly relationships(although I know I could never do it), I just want every child in the world to have a fighting chance at being happy. Remember that your child did not consent to your M/s relationship although they will be directly affected by it. In closing...do everything you can to keep your son from taking a gun to school, or to keep your daughter off the stripper pole. 23 Apr 08, 4:57 PM anjuli UK, 18 mths I'm not going to go into the issue of whether this is 'behaviour becoming a Master' or not. I think the OP has her head well screwed on and is pretty self-aware and able to analyse the situation. Besides many others have expressed views on that so I feel it's not the most constructive direction for me to take now. I have to support to Raven's advice - because I think you CAN bring up children in a poly environment And in fact it's an extremely healthy environment for children, adopted in varying degrees many cultures, because there is an extended family to care for them and give them time and attention. But it takes a great deal of deft handling and that is one thing we are not seeing here. To the OP, I would say that being poly does not mean that you suddenly become miraculously able to leave behind all jealousy. It means you have to learn to deal with it like an adult. And it means you all have to learn to deal with everyone's emotions in a healthy way, including your own. I'd recommend 'The Ethical Slut' as a good intro to poly and if things can be brought back under control, your Master would benefit from it too. (There are probably others but I know this one.) I wish you strength in dealing with this and peace on the other side. anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 25 Apr 08, 1:58 PM 000-874-172 UK, 5 yrs MasterMatt84 wrote: In closing...do everything you can to keep your son from taking a gun to school, or to keep your daughter off the stripper pole. Oh My...Repent us all for thinking that 'some' strippers might actually be good at what they do, get well paid for it, be in a class establishment (not a backstreet dump), and have a degree or 2 in their brains while they flirt with that pole. Hell, the cash even pays for the classes. For what it's worth no-one puts those weapons in a kid's hands, that's societal or peer pressure in the main and is completely detached from the OP or thread. I have 4 daughters by a previous marriage, but would fully support them if they chose of their own volition to go into that industry. Strippers are not 'just' born out of bad parental choices. Utter rubbish. Sean Master's l'il one®(her Rights are Mine in reserve) Edited 25 Apr 08, 6:59 PM by 000-874-172 16 Jun 08, 1:55 AM Kythereia US, 15 mths Y! I believe in Poly and I see nothing wrong with having another adult in a household with children. But I agree with the people say this sounds like a cheating husband and not a poly relationship. You are his primary you should come first. That is the first rule of poly "Don't go to the secondary unless you are good with the primary" If he has been neglecting you for her and not setting proper boundaries to give you quality time he is not doing it right.