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	SD! : Web boards : Submission : "is it wrong?" 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 is it wrong? (96) This topic is now full - if you want to reply, please make a new post on the board itself. 3 Mar 08, 10:29 AM anjuli UK, 18 mths Well, I am sorry but it concerns me when I see a discussion heading this general direction. I, of course, speak from a place of safety, with a Master who would never, ever, do anything to damage me emotionally or physically, or take his anger out on me. That's not to say he has any limit on what he can do, or that I get to impose any. This is a matter of his own honour and care holding him to certain standards of behaviour and an acceptance of the responsibility of holding my life in his hands. But M/s is never an excuse for abuse or uncontrolled violence. There is a difference between two kinds of beating - it's called consent, even when it's consensual non-consent. I guess I have limited experience in that my Master's level of sadism is mild and a full force punch wuld just be out of the question. But he'd say that was less about taste and more to do with the fact that if he punched me full-force, he'd damage me and probably badly. I think I shall go start another thread because this one and the joy in M/s thread have propmpted something. anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 3 Mar 08, 10:47 AM Mistress_Tiara UK, 2 yrs If vixen feels she is being mistreated she should trust her feelings. For the record it sounds to Me like she is being very much mistreated. But the point is that if what is happening is damaging to her - whatever anyone else may feel - then that is enough reason to leave. Leaving someone you have a connection/ love for is hard and painful but spending the rest of your life feeling unhappy, abused or mistreated will be harder and is no way for anyone to live. ~ *Mistress Tiara* 3 Mar 08, 4:48 PM morgan US(WA), 17 mths Y! vixen i have to say i agree with many regarding your post here. a slave is a slave but a slave is not a punching bag. flogging,whipping,paddeling that in my eyes is something that is done for either the Owner's pleasure,dicipline or maintenece. out right hitting you in the arm because they are angry.........well that's a serious anger issue. no one and that include a slave,sub,owner has to tolerate outright pysical abuse by any means. here's the thing, if you were in a vanilla relationship and your partner hit you because they were angry or (hypothetically)you upset them, would you stick around.most would not. i am by no means trying to hyjack this or anything like that but personal experience on a matter such as this,i spent 7 years in an very abusive relationship.sometimes i blame myself for not getting out before i did,but turns out,it was better for my personal safety to leave.life is a very important thing. yes sometimes we all have dissagreements but eventually we talk them out and work on things where needed. i guess that's one of the many reasons i am glad to have an Owner such as i do.he is a very self controlled man and i respect Him for that. so what it comes down to is this. if your gut says "hey,this isnt right,i'm being hurt and not in a good way" then take the steps you need to take,if you have to ask for outside assistance than so be it.you must seriously look at the whole situation and if it's someone not being able to control them selves and do harm to you. sorry if it sounds cold it's not meant to be but there are thigns that are right and things that are not right. we may be only hearing the OP's side of things but i think as anyone else here on these boards we need to remember that all Owners/Masters choose to post or not post. anyway that's my two cents and maybe a little more. 3 Mar 08, 5:42 PM Korinnos 11 mths Why, I wonder, do we all feel the need to jump in on this one? Perhaps because the data are sketchy, and what data we have are presented by only one in the relationship. Admittedly, the "m" in this relationship sounds like a bully, a shit or a spoiled brat, or all. Did the relationship begin as M/s? Was it originally d/s and only vixen_girl wants more intensity? Too little data. M/s begins with mutual consent, voluntary, discussed, reasoned, even negotiated consent. Absent initial consent, the relationship is something other than M/s: the world is not so neatly divided into vanilla and M/s. The consent is the contract. Nowhere does vixen_girl mention any negotiations or discussions. In our ignorance, we jump the dom. Perhaps, we should encourage vixen_girl to be an adult. 4 Mar 08, 4:25 AM 139-715-032 US(MA), 3 yrs vixen_girl wrote: How can i respect Him if He says "I'm too lazy to train you" making me beg Him to write a list of rules for me , making Him annoyed and writing it out. i think here is a what the fuck that factor that goes into all of this. i dont want to Master myself gerrr. If the post had ended before the "too lazy to train you" bit, my reply would have been about how controlled anger in SM can be entirely appropriate in the right circumstances. But this part of the post suggests that acting out his violent urges may be the extent of his interest in "mastering". I attempted a D/s relationship with a guy who really wished he could kick the crap out of everyone who pissed him off in his day-to-day life, and it quickly became apparent that this was the most appealing thing about D/s to him. It lasted less than a week between us. If someone is in a position where they can do anything they want to another person, what they choose to do tells you a lot about their character. When it comes down to it, she needs to rely on her own judgment about whether this guy is someone she can safely hand over her will to. Regardless, in almost all cases if someone thinks their relationship might be abusive, it is a rotten relationship for them and I advise them to leave. It doesn't matter if they are wrong and it isn't "really" abusive, it is still a rotten relationship. In a good mutually fulfilling relationship, no one thinks they are being abused. If someone goes after their partner with a knife and that is why he punched her in the face, it is a rotten relationship and they are both better off without each other. If a dominant's behavior is perfectly reasonable but the submissive is miserable with it and feels like she's "mastering herself" anyhow, it is a rotten relationship and they should both find partners whose ideas about D/s are compatible with theirs. So many women think they need to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that their partner is abuse in order to leave a relationship that is making them miserable. No, you don't. Just leave. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. Sometimes there are circumstances where it makes sense to stay in a rotten relationship, and in some cases a rotten relationship can be repaired, but at least be honest with yourself about the reasons you are there and about how rotten the relationship presently is. (The whole "admitting there is a problem" thing really is a key step in changing things.) And in any case, giving the other party in a rotten relationship any more power over you than strictly necessary is an exceedingly bad idea. -- Joshua Raven's Boy, Joshua, is a wholly owned subsidiary of Raven Kaldera. You may contact Joshua directly with any questions or comments at josh@cauldronfarm.com, or contact Raven at cauldronfarm@hotmail.com. 8 Mar 08, 12:19 AM drknsshadow 3 yrs If the OP feels unsafe frequently or is being damaged then she should leave. I realize that we are getting a very skewed view and so am being cautious in what advice I offer. A slave has the right to choose his/her Master. Shadow 12 Mar 08, 6:28 AM Bella_Ragazza US(RI), 2 yrs sorry E/everyone about taking a wile to respond. to answer you question Korinnos it did begin as an M/s relationship. i have discussed my feelings with Him time and time again only to be shut down by being told to shut up and Him getting in my face. i dont see how i am suppose to talk to anyone let alone my Master when i cant talk, or when He wont listen. for an update: i have decided that it would be in my best interest to talk with a tharapest to get my thoughts out and also im going to stay with my Mother wile i get everything straitened out. since i put the devoice card on the table he has become overly affectioned and a sweet talker. also that the reasoning for His actions was the advice He got from a mutual friend about 9 months ago according to Him. which dosn't make sense to me since problems started a year ago. i agree that a Master should not be uncontrollable with anger. for the P/people who made that point. and unfortunately He will never come on here and voice His stand point since He isnt "into the boards" He thinks im "obsessed with the lifestyle" thank you all once again sincerely vixen Korinnos wrote: Why, I wonder, do we all feel the need to jump in on this one? Perhaps because the data are sketchy, and what data we have are presented by only one in the relationship. Admittedly, the "m" in this relationship sounds like a bully, a shit or a spoiled brat, or all. Did the relationship begin as M/s? Was it originally d/s and only vixen_girl wants more intensity? Too little data. M/s begins with mutual consent, voluntary, discussed, reasoned, even negotiated consent. Absent initial consent, the relationship is something other than M/s: the world is not so neatly divided into vanilla and M/s. The consent is the contract. Nowhere does vixen_girl mention any negotiations or discussions. In our ignorance, we jump the dom. Perhaps, we should encourage vixen_girl to be an adult. 19 Mar 08, 1:03 PM slavegail UK, 3 yrs Y! written with permission of NG1. first vixen says she is Owned slave but has a £ sign on her profile making her a profesional. second her Master does not seem to be able to control his self never mind a slave things will only get worse the more he is able to get away with a slave is a slave for domestic and sexual use ets and unless you like being a punchbag. slave has Owners permission to say get the hell out of there this slave is live real 24/7 total slave slavegail Property of NG1 4 Apr 08, 7:11 PM Mistress_Jewel US(IA), 10 mths Y! girl, he can't master you if he can't master himself. Being a Dominate is not being domineering. Being an owner is not an excuse for domestic abuse. Its hard work being an owner. We have to have more control over our own feelings, we have to not only look at how our behavior effects us, our job, our family, but the one we are guiding by leading by example. This is not Dominate behavior, this is abusive behavior. It doesn't mean you are a bad slave if you leave. Under the circumstances I would have someone with you when and if you do choose to ask for release. Chances are he will not act like this in front of others. Yet another clue this is not a Master, but an abuser. A Master/Mistress will never need to hide the way they treat their slave. Most are proud of the relationships W/we have. Im not in the habit of telling people to leave their owners, Im however in the habit of telling people to leave those who abuse them, and take the name of the lifestyle I love in an abuse full way and hide behind that name. Ms Jewel 4 Apr 08, 10:51 PM Master3294 NL, 23 mths £ Y! MasterLT wrote: A good Master never acts out of anger. A good Master controls his anger and only uses controlled discpline out of love for his slave. As a slave, don't ever confuse the brutality of an out of control barbarian for the loving discipline of a kind Master. There is a great difference between a spanking for a disrespectful tone and punching another human being because you are angry. If your Master is abusing you, he isn't your Master. He is just a bully taking advantage of your submissive nature. Get out and find yourself a loving Master who knows how to care for you properly. I also strongly agree with you. A Master should always be in control. This is nothing but a good case of abuse. Next page