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	SD! : Web boards : IE Theory : "Why is it so hard?" 1 2 3 Why is it so hard? (29) 18 Mar 08, 4:53 AM MasterMattsslave CA, 11 mths Y! Natasha, Master got mad because this post is so long and person, but i am grateful that He is allowing me to post it anyway. Anything worth having is worth working for. If everything was free and easy, it wouldn't be worth much to me. i am sure that many slaves find it easy to follow their Masters. In most ways, i also find it easy. The only time it is difficult is when His opinion differs from mine, and i must follow and obey His direction because that is what i have promised in giving myself to Him. Being a slave, to me, means constantly admitting that He knows what's best; admitting that what He wants for me is better than what i want; admitting that most of my personal desires are selfish and do not bring us closer together. i let Him take control because He is MUCH better at managing my life than i am...and to be honest, i don't think there has ever been an instance where my opinion or what i wanted has been better than what He wanted. Though i may not always understand WHY He does something, it almost always turns out to be something that strengthens our bond or helps me learn an important life lesson. i don't really see it as changing so i can be with Him. i see it as Him sculpting me into the woman i wanted to become but couldn't be without His guidance. For example, i am a little klepto...i constantly steal the stupidest little things from my family (Sssh! Don't tell anyone! lol) and felt almost no guilt whatsoever. Any guilt that i did feel, i would explain away by telling myself that i was "mistreated" by them or whatever. Being with Master, and having Him command me to stop stealing has been wonderful for me. i was alienating my family and i knew that, but i couldn't stop. Now, because i do not want to disappoint Him, i have stopped completely. Stopping myself from stealing is by no means easy, but is it any less of an accomplishment or is the outcome less satisfactory because the order came from Him instead of my own mind? i do think that some people probably try to "be" submissive without having the true desire to be in order to be with someone, but i do not think that is the case with Master and me. It is not as if He is moulding me against my wishes. All He is doing is correcting little things that He and i both see as unnaceptable behaviours, and i think that is a very good dynamic. As i have said in other threads on here, i would not consider myself submissive by nature, therefore, for me, it is not "cut and dry", lol. Though W/we are not married, i consider Master to be my husband, and i have always believed that a husband and wife need to be a united front. They can have differing opinions, but there must be some give and take, some compromise. i feel that both Master and i compromise occasionally. i submit myself to the Man who will be my husband one day. i know He will be with me whether W/we live O/our lives and Master and slave or simply as couple who has kinky sex every once in a while. i know in my heart that i will never find anyone else like Him ever, and so if He asks me to change a few little things about myself, i will...and i know He would do the same if i asked it of Him. i believe that as you develop in a relationship with someone, ultimately changes and growth occur in both parties. It is simply a case of whether these changes are positive and enhance the relationship (as i believe is the case with me and Master), or whether they change the relationship negatively. i know you didn't mean to be insulting and that you are sincerely asking your questions, so good for you! i did find it interesting, though, that in your post script, you mentioned generalizations. It kind of seems like you are generalizing submission by saying "natural" subs should find submission cut and dry. Is that what you meant? Good topic. nadia "I will love and protect you forever. you are worth any risk. you are not broken" (Master Matt) 18 Mar 08, 8:55 PM Life_of_Vassalage US(MI), 12 mths 627-944-012 wrote: I am not sure being a slave is for me anymore. The idea of it is still wonderful but the day to day life is hard and I am worried that I will become resentful. We have discussed my feelings but he believes in time I will adapt as it has not been a year since I became his totally. A Well, according to everyone who contributed to this thread,(and I agree) if it isn't hard, it isn't worth having.... Natasha To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour. -William Blake 18 Mar 08, 9:08 PM Life_of_Vassalage US(MI), 12 mths MasterMattsslave wrote: i did find it interesting, though, that in your post script, you mentioned generalizations. It kind of seems like you are generalizing submission by saying "natural" subs should find submission cut and dry. Is that what you meant? Good topic. nadia I didn't really mean anything....I just wanted to see where people would take it and what opinions they have. I have always been inquisitive (I drove my dad nuts growing up lol) and I like to get peoples' brains ticking! To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour. -William Blake 18 Mar 08, 9:38 PM Red_Spark UK, 2 yrs Am I the only person who saw the thread title and was thinking of something else entirely? *skulks off* 18 Mar 08, 9:53 PM annieanne UK, 2 yrs Life_of_Vassalage wrote: 627-944-012 wrote: I am not sure being a slave is for me anymore. The idea of it is still wonderful but the day to day life is hard and I am worried that I will become resentful. We have discussed my feelings but he believes in time I will adapt as it has not been a year since I became his totally. A Well, according to everyone who contributed to this thread,(and I agree) if it isn't hard, it isn't worth having.... Natasha Yes Natasha of course you are right but it is still so hard at times!! I have still to except what i am. Anne 19 Mar 08, 10:28 PM Life_of_Vassalage US(MI), 12 mths Red_Spark wrote: Am I the only person who saw the thread title and was thinking of something else entirely? *skulks off* Well....whatever could you have been thinking? LOL To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour. -William Blake 21 Mar 08, 3:13 AM 369-359-730 11 mths I was pondering replying to this topic much later on, after the relationship between Guide and I had developed further, but I think I will now. Currently I find myself asking quite the opposite of the topic: why has it been so easy for me? In the month or so that we spoke online before I came to his place we often discussed possible manifestations of reactance that I might have, and how long it might take us before we became comfortable with each other. All of our bets thus far have proved to be off. I won't say I began submitting right from the get go, but as the first night wore on and over the next couple of days I found myself searching for more and more ways to show my submission and desire to serve; much to the delight of both of us. I haven't been happier or felt more alive then in these past few days that I can recall. I feel that is largely because Guide hasn't lifted a finger to actually compel my submission, rather he has directed his efforts into creating an environment in which I am invited to be whomever it is most comfortable for me to be. Which... just so happens to involve suddenly being all smiles and bounciness the moment we get home from work (he's found a way that we can both work at the same business, so I didn't even have to worry about having work) and I lock the chain around my neck thats my collar of consideration. I'm wondering now if it will ever be hard as time wears on and we work (or perhaps simply allow?) my submission to him to deepen until if/when we feel ready to take things to the point of a permanent collar. Perhaps it's possible for some couples to ease into the relationship simply by allowing the transformations to take place at their own pace as opposed to applying more active pressures to make the M/s happen. No idea yet... but we'll see. Working with GuideOne in the hopes that we've both found what we're looking for in each other. (Now finally in person!) "When you have given everything, then you have everything to gain." (Quote from the card "The Well of Life" from the Magic The Gathering card game... yes... I am a bit of a geek like that) 22 Mar 08, 2:14 PM linden284 UK, 2 yrs 627-944-012 wrote: I am not sure being a slave is for me anymore. The idea of it is still wonderful but the day to day life is hard and I am worried that I will become resentful. I understand where you are coming from... I have struggled with the balance between real world commitments and responsibilities, and my feelings towards my Master in terms of submission/slavery. Sometimes it is just hard to switch off the everyday responsible 'me' and be what he wants me to be particularly if I'm not 'in the mood' or I've had a difficult day. I can't just switch between one persona and the other. Fortunately he understands this in me, and has found a few buttons he can gently push which help me make the transition. It isn't easy though, and I admit that some days I rebel and kick back against it. And he often knows nothing of this. At other times He needs some time out for him, so I try to step back and give him the space he needs. 627-944-012 wrote: We have discussed my feelings but he believes in time I will adapt as it has not been a year since I became his totally. I think this sort of relationship takes a lot of time and understanding to build, to grow, and to allow to evolve. I have been collared for almost a year, we started making the transition to M/s 7 months ago, and there are days when I still question if this is what I really am, if this is the right kind of relationship for me. It's about achieveing a balance with real life, as I said above. Give it time and allow yourself to grow. kx 22 Mar 08, 4:52 PM VictorE US, 10 mths I have a confession to make. I am one of the reasons that my babygirl finds being my slave so difficult. Not because I'm “bossy”, or that I'm always barking orders; it's because I'm subtle in my expectations. I made them fairly clear early on, however, often, when I feel she is lacking direction I make “suggestions” rather than direct statements about what I want. As I said, I feel I've made my expectations clear but, when she is less than perfect (yes, me being a perfectionist makes it very difficult for her too), I'll merely ask her questions about her behavior. “Hmmm… wasn't this supposed to be put in the mail today?” “I don't remember leaving these dishes on the counter, do you?” “Are you sure you want to wear those sneakers and not your heels?” Although she has grown used to my style, it makes it too easy for her to let an expectation slide; making it that much more difficult to be the slave we want her to be. I can't very well punish her for answering a question incorrectly, can I? (Another question???? ) Ironically, being a very controlling individual, (most people call me a “control freak”), I find it difficult to put my needs in another's hands. I've been taught from an early age not to depend on anyone for things I can do myself. We may be at the kitchen table and I'll get up to get a cup of coffee. She gets frustrated because she wants to do that for me. That is just one more example of how I make it hard for her to serve me. I am getting better at that though. Then you might ask, “Why are you in this lifestyle?” I like rules. I think people in vanilla relationships honestly believe they have rules. But, because the rules are rarely communicated, each partner has the opportunity to make the rules up on the fly in order to stay on top. Instead of a power exchange, I see it as a power struggle. Leading and guiding a relationship through rules is a laborious process but I believe it is the best way. Another situation we have is, although babygirl wants to “do” for me, she doesn't necessarily agree on the things I want her to do. A perfect example is I'm a morning person and she is not. Since the day she moved in, she wakes with me at 5:30am, it's in the rules. We talk about it occasionally so I know she still hates it. Regardless, she knows how important it is to me so she does it [willingly]. Just one more reason I love her so much. It is very important to me that babygirl remains an individual. Yet, I get frustrated because I want her to be more like the slave I want her to be. I have always considered the whole BDSM lifestyle to be full of dichotomy. I have a saying, “With the freedom to leave consensual slavery comes the freedom to shackle one's self when handed a Master's chains.” Nobody ever said the decision is easy. she follows the road less traveled... my road Edited 22 Mar 08, 4:53 PM by VictorE 22 Mar 08, 5:49 PM tangie US(MI), 6 yrs VictorE wrote: I have a confession to make. I am one of the reasons that my babygirl finds being my slave so difficult. Not because I'm “bossy”, or that I'm always barking orders; it's because I'm subtle in my expectations. I made them fairly clear early on, however, often, when I feel she is lacking direction I make “suggestions” rather than direct statements about what I want. As I said, I feel I've made my expectations clear but, when she is less than perfect (yes, me being a perfectionist makes it very difficult for her too), I'll merely ask her questions about her behavior. Thank you for posting this. I found myself wondering if W. is all that controlling, I suppose because he doesn't have the sturm-und-drang that I anticipated when first going real time. I'm beginning to understand that it isn't that he's not controlling as much as his methods are very subtle, perhaps more so than I pick up on conscious radar. Unfortunately, sometimes I'm a very unsubtle person, and one has to slap me upside the head with a point before I can understand. I'm rather literal, and deeper-hidden-secret-meanings are often lost on me. That's not to say I don't "get it"...it's that I get it very slowly. Anyway, as time has gone by, I've begun to see what I missed, initially. I'm begining to "get it." Barbara Learning is not childs play; there can be no growth without pain~ Aristotle Next page