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	SD! : Web boards : IE Theory : "in my own little world." 1 2 in my own little world. (13) Fri 21 Mar 08, 10:59 PM jakesemma US(WA), 15 mths Y! The deeper I go into my enslavement and being owned, the more I feel like Im in a fantasy world.. one of my own making... one where I am safe, desired, wanted, of use to my owner... and one were no one else can relate to me or understand anymore.... It makes me feel weird, and abnormal sometimes... I've been asked recently if I lost my self by submitting, and i told her, that I found myself, that I learned about who and what I was, and I felt like I was more of an individual and my own unique personality by embracing myself and my lifestyle with out fear.... and it made no sense to her... I suppose I can understand, that it might be something you'd have to experience to truly relate to the experience of this type of lifestyle.... I just feel like I life in this fantasy world, my life is great, I am happy, I love my owner, and the deeper we go, the happier I get. I realize we have our ups and downs, and life isn't perfect and things could go wrong... but even those situations, I don't see as bad anymore, I don't feel fear.. I just know well get through them, and he's there for me, and I am there for him... and.. I feel like most people can't relate to that.. or understand our devotion to each other....or our relationship dynamics. my submission, his control... even people in this lifestyle, I often feel like we do something different... even being called extremists. I had a bunch of people telling me today, submissives actually to plan on "what if.".. if he tires of me, if he divorces me, if he doesn't want me anymore... and.. I can't do that anymore.. Ic an't see it happening, no matter how hard I try to picture him leaving me, or me leaving him.. I just don't see any possible way that it would happen. I just don't think its possible for it to happen, I don't think he'd get rid of me.. i think death at this point is the only thing that would seperate us... they called me stupid... and thats when I decided I just lived in my own little world and I was okay with that..... Edited Fri 21 Mar 08, 11:01 PM by jakesemma 21 Mar 08, 11:17 PM Yarakot 3 yrs jakesemma wrote: I had a bunch of people telling me today, submissives actually to plan on "what if.".. if he tires of me, if he divorces me, if he doesn't want me anymore... and.. I can't do that anymore.. Ic an't see it happening, no matter how hard I try to picture him leaving me, or me leaving him.. I just don't see any possible way that it would happen. And what would the point of planning for a separation be? Why enter that into your subconscious where it can eat away anything good you have? If things go bad, they simply will and no amount of planning will help with the pain. I don't think it is you who are living in a fantasy. I think it is those who believe that setting themselves up for broken relationships is a good way to proceed are the ones who can't face the current reality. Have you seen lili's Society of 2 weblog entry? It is amazing how often those of us in M/s relationships must come to the realization that we live alone in our own small world. Carolyn And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. --Erica Jong * * * Interested in meeting me or other TSR people? Come to the TSR Meet & Greet at MsC in DC (August, 2008). Edited 21 Mar 08, 11:18 PM by Yarakot 21 Mar 08, 11:21 PM jakesemma US(WA), 15 mths Y! Yarakot wrote: jakesemma wrote: I had a bunch of people telling me today, submissives actually to plan on "what if.".. if he tires of me, if he divorces me, if he doesn't want me anymore... and.. I can't do that anymore.. Ic an't see it happening, no matter how hard I try to picture him leaving me, or me leaving him.. I just don't see any possible way that it would happen. And what would the point of planning for a separation be? Why enter that into your subconscious where it can eat away anything good you have? If things go bad, they simply will and no amount of planning will help with the pain. I don't think it is you who are living in a fantasy. I think it is those who believe that setting themselves up for broken relationships is a good way to proceed are the ones who can't face the current reality. Have you seen lili's Society of 2 weblog entry? Carolyn I did try and point out that I thought keeping a positive thought pattern an energy is more likely to make the relationship work then looking for signs of it falling apart or planning on the "what ifs"... I think if you plan on a way out, its more likely to happen. I told them, if it comes to that, ill worry about it at that time, face it then.. I have no reason at this point to even believe that it might be a possibility.... and I don't think its good to worry about what ifs when it comes to our relationship... I will read it now, I don't think i've read that one.---- Edit : I just read that essay and I relate to much of what she's stated... (minus the mailing list thing.) Edited 21 Mar 08, 11:24 PM by jakesemma 22 Mar 08, 1:46 AM 369-359-730 11 mths jakesemma wrote: I did try and point out that I thought keeping a positive thought pattern an energy is more likely to make the relationship work then looking for signs of it falling apart or planning on the "what ifs"... I think if you plan on a way out, its more likely to happen. This reminds me of a dinner conversation my parents had while I was present after mom came home from listening to her co-workers give her much the same lecture it sounds like you got from some people (about planning for the failure of a relationship).Their response was almost word for word the same as yours. Ironic thing being... their relationship is so vanilla that it might be from the nineteen fifties or something. Working with GuideOne in the hopes that we've both found what we're looking for in each other. (Now finally in person!) "When you have given everything, then you have everything to gain." (Quote from the card "The Well of Life" from the Magic The Gathering card game... yes... I am a bit of a geek like that) 22 Mar 08, 2:04 AM slave_emma US(OK), 2 yrs jakesemma wrote: I had a bunch of people telling me today, submissives actually to plan on "what if.".. if he tires of me, if he divorces me, if he doesn't want me anymore... and.. I can't do that anymore.. Ic an't see it happening, no matter how hard I try to picture him leaving me, or me leaving him.. I just don't see any possible way that it would happen. my Master is big on the reserve fund thing, not because either of U/us worries about divorce, growing tired of each other or what not. But because sometimes the unexpected happens, my Master could pass away, become injured in a car accident, or any number of other things. Granted, i will still be His mentally and physically forever, but there should, from my Master's point of view preplanning in case such an event happened. my Master doesn't want me to have risk loosing O/our home, pushing back my retirement plan, and etc. He wants everything on the long term to stay on track whether or not He is here. A reserve fund isn't really a sign of weakness or impending doom. i think it is just away to ensure that everything will be okay and to minimize financial ruin should something terrible happen. Perhaps a more politically correct way of wording a reserve fund is calling it a savings account. i am glad to hear things are going along well with you and your Owner. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 22 Mar 08, 3:19 AM Cav_MN US(MN), 14 mths It seems to me that the "planning for the worst" examples you were given were all expressions of powerlessness: "what if he..." When things start to slide, both people, no matter the relationships dynamic, have a part to play in fixing it or ending it. Ignoring problems will take away options, though. It seems (from other posts you've made) that you two have good communication. That is the best protection against "what if." However, I'm with Master Howard--assume that things happen and have a safety net. Financial is good, 3 months expenses goes a lot way to me being less worried about serious illness or accident. So is making sure your social network is strong. When life goes sideways, you need people you can depend on. I'm so glad that you two have found such happiness. Don't let seeds of doubt be planted. Master's sweet c 22 Mar 08, 4:17 AM 688-764-833 US, 2 yrs Hi, emma. If you think about it, everyone has their own little world (relationships, family, job, etc.); it's sad to me that just because your (and mine, everyone who comes here) chosen world is not “the norm” it's suspect and has to fall apart sometime (because that never happens in the vanilla world, right?). And it also appears to me that people would much rather see "you" unhappy because they are still seeking their own happiness. Or it could just be jet lag . I say ignore them, emma, and go on enjoying what you have today instead of worrying about what may never happen in the future; you're never really prepared for said future anyway and by fretting you've missed the good times because you were too busy worrying that they may end one day and where's the sense (or joy) in that? Cheers, Leesie 22 Mar 08, 2:33 PM jakesemma US(WA), 15 mths Y! Cav_MN wrote: It seems to me that the "planning for the worst" examples you were given were all expressions of powerlessness: "what if he..." When things start to slide, both people, no matter the relationships dynamic, have a part to play in fixing it or ending it. Ignoring problems will take away options, though. It seems (from other posts you've made) that you two have good communication. That is the best protection against "what if." However, I'm with Master Howard--assume that things happen and have a safety net. Financial is good, 3 months expenses goes a lot way to me being less worried about serious illness or accident. So is making sure your social network is strong. When life goes sideways, you need people you can depend on. I'm so glad that you two have found such happiness. Don't let seeds of doubt be planted. ... I would like to clarify that we have a healthy life insurance policy if something were to happen to my owner in the event of his death and we are legally married... He wouldn't leave me in a position to take over his debt or anything else by myself if something were to happen to him... Planning on the event of his death isn't stupid, but thats not the kind of "what if" I was refering too... Death eventually will happen... (Though I do hope I don't outlive him even though I am 13 years younger LOL) I was talking more about him changing his mind about our relationship... I suppose it would be possible for me to change my mind, though I can honestly say I cannot ever see it happening, and we do communicate and talk and I can't see him changing his mind either... I know he loves me and wants me... I really do think it boils down to, that its trusting in his control and our relationship, that what if's like that won't happen and certainly won't "sneak up on us" and he "wont" change over night... (I don't really think any of thats possible.. you can just ignore the signs of it.) 24 Mar 08, 4:08 PM 898-443-818 US, 21 mths Y! emma i understand your feelings completely and i think you worded it wonderfully. i too feel as if every step we take leads me to more complete slavery and the incredible warm fuzzies that go with it. For example, recently i stopped working outside the home (that was "life's" decision, not so much mine) but He has me stay home and not look for a new job. And now He has accepted a great new job - however it is so complicated, i don't understand it a smidge (stocks & bonds, wall street, etc.) That sounds trivial but as He has studied for His tests i find it very humbling that He not only supports us, but i don't even understand what it is He does anymore. Every little step we take or "notch" we get dealt takes us deeper into the world i've always dreamed of. Edited 24 Mar 08, 4:10 PM by 898-443-818 25 Mar 08, 10:31 PM slave2master US, 2 yrs jakesemma wrote: in my own little world. The deeper I go into my enslavement and being owned, the more I feel like Im in a fantasy world.. one of my own making... one where I am safe, desired, wanted, of use to my owner... and one were no one else can relate to me or understand anymore.... It makes me feel weird, and abnormal sometimes... I've been asked recently if I lost my self by submitting, and i told her, that I found myself, that I learned about who and what I was, and I felt like I was more of an individual and my own unique personality by embracing myself and my lifestyle with out fear.... and it made no sense to her... I suppose I can understand, that it might be something you'd have to experience to truly relate to the experience of this type of lifestyle.... I just feel like I life in this fantasy world, my life is great, I am happy, I love my owner, and the deeper we go, the happier I get. I realize we have our ups and downs, and life isn't perfect and things could go wrong... but even those situations, I don't see as bad anymore, I don't feel fear.. I just know well get through them, and he's there for me, and I am there for him... and.. I feel like most people can't relate to that.. or understand our devotion to each other....or our relationship dynamics. my submission, his control... even people in this lifestyle, I often feel like we do something different... even being called extremists. I had a bunch of people telling me today, submissives actually to plan on "what if.".. if he tires of me, if he divorces me, if he doesn't want me anymore... and.. I can't do that anymore.. Ic an't see it happening, no matter how hard I try to picture him leaving me, or me leaving him.. I just don't see any possible way that it would happen. I just don't think its possible for it to happen, I don't think he'd get rid of me.. i think death at this point is the only thing that would seperate us... they called me stupid... and thats when I decided I just lived in my own little world and I was okay with that..... As a slave, i used to worry all the time that Master would get tired of me, or i wouldn't please Him enough to keep me around. It was a terrible feeling to live just waiting on the day i screwed up to the point He didn't want me anymore. i now know that was a terrible place to be and an awful way of thinking of my enslavement. How can you be enslaved to a Master if you are always afraid He is going to release You? How can a slave trust a Master with those kinds of thoughts always on her mind? i now realize that i belong to Master...and He has no plans of letting me go. He has told me that i am His forever...and i have to trust that. Not only do i trust it, i feel it deep inside. Master knows that i am not perfect. He knows that i am not a perfect slave. i screw up sometimes and have my difficult days. But He also knows that i love Him and that i am devoted to Him. He knows that i would do anything for Him and that my heart and soul are in the right place. He and i have been through some rough patches, but we have always worked through them. i know that we will continue to work through them. My advice is to live in your "fantasy". It is much better than living...always expecting the ball to drop. 25 Mar 08, 10:39 PM 483-608-929 US(OH), 18 mths Y! I don't know if you share this experience too but even when I was not involved in an M/s relationship people often viewed me as a little weird, off the wall. I got used to that a long time ago. My solace was always hanging out with an artsy crowd, people with more open minds, able to accept more. That always helped. It's great you are able to enjoy your world, live the fantasy you want, life is so uncertain that we need to embrace it and enjoy it. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. Not necessarily in your relationship, but in the world as a whole. Life is too precious a gift not to enjoy. Written by it with its Owner's permission. Thank you SIR. Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. Marilyn Ferguson Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together Next page