This page sponsored by JT's Stockroom    [other banners]

	SD! : Web boards : IE Theory : "Being fully open in Enslavement" 1 2 3 4 Being fully open in Enslavement (39) 1 Jun 08, 6:46 PM 842-117-802 CA, 9 mths Does anyone have and advice or tips on how to get over "lock-jaw"? This is what Master and I call it when I clam up and shut down. The words are there, I just cant say them! (TEARS at this point) I hate frustrating Master and I feel I am hurting him and disappointing him. Master always knows just what to say in any situation. Unless I am MAD my thoughts just stay stuck and tucked away inside. (When MAD everything comes out..but NOT in a good way VBG). Sometimes I am so afraid that I am pulling away or pushing Master away. Master seems to recognize this and stands fast. This slave is blessed to be owned by such a Master. I'm not sure if it's the same thing, but I shut down when I'm scared/hurt/upset/stressed/etc. in such a way that I can't communicate effectively. I cannot speak. I can grunt and gesture, but speaking becomes impossible. Some things that have worked in other relationships (dunno if it will come up here) is either making pictures (I used photoshop and stock photos I got off of deviantart) or using fingerspelling from sign language. For some reason, fingerspelling seems to be included in gestures when my brain locks down like that, so I can communicate fairly effectively. Maybe something like that would work for you? Maybe even just making a "mix CD" or playlist of songs that fit what you're trying to get across so your Master can ask questions? Property and pet of Master_Latrans 10 Jul 08, 5:32 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs phantasm wrote: Being fully open in Enslavement I don't know if anyone else may find themselves in this situation. My owner, as owners do, is still learning about me, and now has started onto a process of knowing what I am thinking about at any given time. Of course, the mind being highly complex, this would normally be a long period of discovery and learning. Not necessarily in my case. After giving service in bed, as I asked if he would like to have his morning blow job, and proceeded to climb under the duvet to make a tee pee tent and commence my duty (the tee pee was my idea), on finishing and laying beside him, he then asked what I was thinking about. "The little people" I said "The little people" he remarked, "You were thinking of little people" I said, "I was thinking of the little people inside all the organs working hard to keep them going." "OK, little people, and what are they doing exactly?" he asked quite intrigued. "Making things work" I replied. Sir giggled and asked, "So how many are there?" "About 10 per organ" I answered. "And what do they look like, sasha?" "Tetley tea people" I informed him. "And working really hard too" There was silence for a while, and ten minutes later, still lying in bed, he asked me again "What are you thinking about now, then?" "Roof tiles" I replied. So it kind of went on like that, and so my owner has now learned that I totally think of complete and utter rubbish at any given time or moment. Later in the evening, now separated until my next visit, as we had to part company earlier than planned, I realised something and began to suffer a severe panic attack. On reflecting over my time with him I suddenly thought, Oh My God! He thinks I think I have little people living inside of me. I did try to correct this little insight, I'm still not sure he believes me, but he knows I would never lie to him. The thing is, I always wanted to have Sir perceive me as an intellectual woman, someone of the mind who holds a position of care within a professional career, which he does, and someone of a certain calibre, let's say. Well that idea is completely shot, he is now aware of the real me. Although I think he was always aware of that, but one can never tell, because he's very silent at times. So my point I guess, it's not always the dark side of our nature one may relinquish the truth about, but often enough (I guess) the innocent or lighter side which can enable one's Master to know his slave better. Just something which seemed important to me, nothing more. It is actually exhilarating to think how free one feels when having to be totally open, and not being able to hide even the silly things about ourselves. Being this free, allows me to sink even deeper into feelings of devotion, love, and adoration to my owner. sasha Tetley tea people? Oh no, mine look more like the Keebler cookie and cracker making elves in the tree - i don't do caffeine, but am a very bad diabetic and there's lots of sugar in my organs. (GRIN) thank you for making me smile, i've had a very hard day physically, psychologically, spiritually, materially and environmentally. Has anyone noticed that pain from inside hurts and is not fun, as opposed to some pain from the outside? At least for me, it is - no endorphins kick in from the inside pain. But then again, that doesn't always stop me from eating that sugar - although i've been better lately and lost 20-ish pounds U.S. j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin 16 Jul 08, 2:27 AM Aldwyn_drake US(TX), 9 mths Y! deb0rah wrote: To explain injections/vaccinations to my girls I would tell them about the little soldiers that would ride in on the wave and be there to make sure that when the horrible virus/illness,infection army would try and attack they would fend them off heroically. They also got hot doing it and with all the warfare going on, they naturally got very hot, hence the temperature. I actually still stick to that one. I also like the "notme" fairy who visits our house and makes regular appearances, as when I ask who did it or whose is it I always hear "notme" I have often been tempted top write a todd;ers book on the "notme" fairy, followed by her friends "wasntme" and ididntdoit". In Ms terms maybe the fairy would be called the "thatsnotfairfairy" Debs xx Don't forget about "Idunno" 16 Sep 08, 7:20 PM littleonelost CA, 5 mths LunaChick wrote: In the beginning I told Michael that if He was going to ask what I was thinking He needed to be prepared for some odd answers! Like the OP, I don't ever lie to Michael. One afternoon while lying in bed drifting He asked me what I was thinking. At that moment I was thinking about a more user friendly mattress cover which wouldn't slide off quite so easily during vigorous use. I thought He was going to pee Himself He laughed so hard. I live to entertain Him! liza omg that was funny ty I needed that laugh, and like everyone else, happy to hear I'm not alone with the ramdom thought patterens. 16 Sep 08, 8:23 PM 730-452-091 US(VA), 4 mths Master says at least i am cheap to amuse. 12 bucks on a cheap Indy hat and it still makes me giggle. I wore it all day. And he is gonna tease when he gets home bc i drug it out again. Master Dante's girl~ Screw the roses... wait you say i get both? Yes Master!!!~ 16 Sep 08, 9:44 PM 555-907-356 US(FL), 5 mths 520-621-669 wrote: Being open is extrememly hard for me. I fear that I will be misunderstood and judged. This adding to fear that Master will be displeased or worse, will no longer want this slave. This is an ongoing challenge and I am struggling with it. I will I could just rattle of whatever is in my head......occasionally I am able to do this while writing for Master. Master might be amused if I were able to just let go with the silly stuff, but I struggle with the important information. I get so lost in my own head that I find it impossible to verbalize ANY information. I battle insecurity and fears that come and go like the tide. Master is so very patient and understanding. I understand completely! I am getting better, especially of late, but its still so hard for me to just say whatever I am thinking. Sometimes it literally feel like I have to push the words through a brick wall to get them out. I have spent so long trying to blend in and be what so many around me wanted me to be its hard just to be me, much less let others see that. Sir too, often asks what I am thinking and my mind instantly goes blank (Although now a lot of times I am so happy and content that when I am in Sir's arms is one of the few times my mind is blank. I can simply relax and soak up being near him and what that make me feel.) and I don't know what to say. I have no idea what I have been thinking so I usually just say "nothing". There have been times that I have wanted to talk about things with Sir and have literally had panic attacks trying to say something. I have found one way around it for me is to write things. Often if I can't say something then I will ask for Sir to get online and chat with me (this works because we don't live together). Sir often knows what i am thinking too, it always amazes me how well He knows me! As I said lately I have been getting better, and as I say more and more things that are outside my comfort zone and He doesn't run screaming the easier it becomes. And as I become more and more open to Him the deeper fall in to being submissive to Him and my love and trust of Him grows (lol if thats possible). I never knew I could love and trust someone so much and that they could not only love and cherish me but love and cherish more because of who I am not who I become because I think its what they want. Don't get me wrong I am still what He wants me to be but I am me too! as weird as that might sound. And I am happier than i have ever been. So 520-621-669, don't give up keep fighting to say the things you want and the things He wants you to say. Even the little things are a victory and make it easier. Its kind of like grains of sand one small one doesn't seem like much but after a while they add up and eventually they become a force to be reckoned with. 16 Sep 08, 10:15 PM 555-907-356 US(FL), 5 mths KsKittyKat wrote: I too think it is a sub/slave tendency to have childish thoughts/actions at times. When Master and I were first together he didn't really know this side of me, the side of me that enjoys pats on the head for doing good, and the little girl part of me that never grew up. I think that the longer we're together, the more the "real" me that I didn't ever let out... and somewhat didn't know existed appears. I really think it's pretty neat. I love how you say this and its something I really understand. I have alway felt I had a "little girl side" it was one I never really allowed out. Yet with Sir, its totally different. I can play around (water fights, pillow fights, go to arcades) and be silly and childlike. 20 Sep 08, 1:13 AM Morniel US, 7 mths Tetly people... cookie elves... little men... Not-me fairy... Dunno... Everybody Else's Mom.... and the creature that lives in the clothes dryer and eats half of most pairs of socks... My husband LOVES these little flights of fancy from me. As well as the wonder he claims he hears in my voice about "Daffydillies!" or "Rainbow!" or "Oooh, shiny!" He does know that I don't *really* believe that when I am ill, my immune system releases little "Pac-Mans" to eat up the germs and chase the ghosts away. At least, he THINKS I don't really believe that. *grins* Morniel's Special Place 26 Oct 08, 11:44 PM Wilhemina 3 mths phantasm wrote: Being fully open in Enslavement There was silence for a while, and ten minutes later, still lying in bed, he asked me again "What are you thinking about now, then?" "Roof tiles" I replied. So it kind of went on like that, and so my owner has now learned that I totally think of complete and utter rubbish at any given time or moment. *nods* Thank you, OP, for making me laugh the hardest I have in ages since Sir did his chipmunk imitations....(best not to ask, really.) Sir tends to have the problem on his hands that I babble a bit too much without actually realising that there are very few who care too much for (a) the inner workings of my computer (b)academic internecine politics (c) various computing languages and my failed attempts at learning 'em. I only found this out by expounding at length something or other about XHTML and TEI header creation/parsing files. There was a long pause. "....I can draw good?" After a fit of giggles, I felt suitable chastened - I still feel awkward about it- so now I tend to try and keep the boastful babble to a minimum. But it's amazing how good it can make you feel, being able to tell Daddy about what his little one learnt and did for herself. Or is that just me? 'The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea' - Rick Cook