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	SD! : Web boards : IE Theory : "Trying to Understand" 1 2 Trying to Understand (15) Fri 28 Mar 08, 2:59 PM Baby_Doll 9 mths I've been interested in the M/s relationship for a couple of months now. All my life I have felt something just wasn't clicking right with me and I have had a few friends and some people I have met online ask me if I was a sub/slave. Then when I say no, they say I must be a natural sub and it's a pity I had no Master. Of course at first I thought it was just a bedroom kink type of thing and not really a lifestyle. So I never asked a lot of questions and now those friends have moved away or I have moved away from them and have no one to talk to about this. Recently (last 6 months) I have learned that it is a lifestyle. A lifestyle that seems to call out to me once I learned more about it. Behaviors about myself, I finally understand and see that there are a lot of people that are just like me. That likes that firm guidelines…..NEEDS that firm guiding hand and the feeling of ownership. NEEDS someone to serve. Now this is where my problem gets confusing, at least for me. I've been happily married for 9 years and we've been together 11 years. I met him when I was 17. Each time I have brought this up, my husband states that it isn't for him. After explaining a few things, he then turns around and says he wouldn't be a good Master and I'm not really a sub. His reasoning for me is that I tend to push boundaries. I push and push them until he finally has to put me into my place. I need those guidelines in my life and if I don't have them I push him until he sets them. I've met Sir and Madam online and while we are too far away to meet each other I like having Sir and Madam in my life and my husband is okay with it. Right now They are not my true Master and Mistress but I would like to ask them to become it. I'm wondering if there has ever been a case where a married person has been a slave to another outside of that marriage. Also I'm hoping if Sir and Madam agree, they will help teach me and guide me to be the slave that I know I am and be able to be that slave for my husband without making him change. And I'm hoping they could give him pointers on how to handle this side of me so that both of our needs are met. If my husband doesn't wish to be a Master then that is fine but this calls out to me but I need guidance because I do not know much about this lifestyle. Has anyone ever heard of a situation like this and if you have can you tell me what they or you did? Thank you Baby Doll 28 Mar 08, 5:06 PM shornIvory US, 3 yrs The key is going to be your husband, since he isn't interested he may react to your having a Master and Mistress in ways not expected. There are people, shorn included, here who belong to somebody other than their spouse and others who belong to one member of a couple but not both. Ask questions, and tone down the non real time aspects, as some here feel this section should only be for real time relationships. shorn beneath shorn's Master's feet PS Don't ever think that trans-Atlantic cattle class flying is glamorous. shorn likes what shorn's job will become in June, but is not looking forward to the additional flying. Academia is fun, academic administration may not be. The thought of it staggered my mind and struck me with a wave of envious desire. To be in such a situation, bought for the night, available to anyone at the crook of a finger! Phèdre – Kushiels's Dart 28 Mar 08, 9:13 PM masterfiremaam US(AZ), 2 yrs Isn't this a copy of something you posted earlier? *confused* Master Fire "Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted *air guitar* 29 Mar 08, 3:48 AM little_linnet US, 3 yrs Baby_Doll wrote: I'm wondering if there has ever been a case where a married person has been a slave to another outside of that marriage. Lots, but it's not slavery as it's discussed here. You may have better luck finding people who have lived in this situation on a more general BDSM forum. Krista Accept that you are a nutcase and proceed accordingly. 30 Mar 08, 5:22 AM masterfiremaam US(AZ), 2 yrs little_linnet wrote: Lots, but it's not slavery as it's discussed here. You may have better luck finding people who have lived in this situation on a more general BDSM forum. Krista It isn't? Hmmm...maybe I'm in the wrong place. Master Fire "Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted *air guitar* 30 Mar 08, 10:42 AM isouda 3 yrs little_linnet wrote: Baby_Doll wrote: I'm wondering if there has ever been a case where a married person has been a slave to another outside of that marriage. Lots, but it's not slavery as it's discussed here. You may have better luck finding people who have lived in this situation on a more general BDSM forum. Krista For the purposes of discussion on this website we use the definition of 'slave' in the wiki which can be found on the left. A part of it is: 'A person who is owned: that is, someone in a relationship with an owner who has ultimate authority over them, and from which the slave cannot remove themselves' It not possible to have ultimate authority over someone if you have to keep their married partner happy. To the OP, Krista's advice is worth looking into. There are many people who have found themselves in the same situation as yourself and have found a solution that satisfies their cravings without hurting an innocent partner. There are websites and people who can help, though, I would personally be very wary of anywhere that suggests lieing to your husband. I hope you find what you are looking for. issy 30 Mar 08, 11:43 AM Mitdasein US, 19 mths isouda wrote: little_linnet wrote: Baby_Doll wrote: I'm wondering if there has ever been a case where a married person has been a slave to another outside of that marriage. Lots, but it's not slavery as it's discussed here. You may have better luck finding people who have lived in this situation on a more general BDSM forum. Krista For the purposes of discussion on this website we use the definition of 'slave' in the wiki which can be found on the left. A part of it is: 'A person who is owned: that is, someone in a relationship with an owner who has ultimate authority over them, and from which the slave cannot remove themselves' It not possible to have ultimate authority over someone if you have to keep their married partner happy. To the OP, Krista's advice is worth looking into. There are many people who have found themselves in the same situation as yourself and have found a solution that satisfies their cravings without hurting an innocent partner. There are websites and people who can help, though, I would personally be very wary of anywhere that suggests lieing to your husband. I hope you find what you are looking for. issy I think it would depend on whether the owner has ultimate authority, including authority to dissolve the slave's marriage to someone else should that ever become necessary. You are conflating marriage with authority and it is possible to be married to someone who has no authority over you, while being owned by someone that does have authority over you. Mitdasein House of Daedalus "Mastery is always inceptual." http://dominationandmastery.wordpress.com/ http://www.absoluteenslavement.com 30 Mar 08, 3:05 PM isouda 3 yrs Mitdasein wrote: I think it would depend on whether the owner has ultimate authority, including authority to dissolve the slave's marriage to someone else should that ever become necessary. You are conflating marriage with authority and it is possible to be married to someone who has no authority over you, while being owned by someone that does have authority over you. It is interesting how different people read words differently. You are reading ultimate as meaning 'having the final say' whereas I am reading ultimate as meaning 'no other person has any influence whatsoever'. The English language is extremely versatile. issy 30 Mar 08, 10:49 PM Steve_Vakesh 2 yrs isouda wrote: It is interesting how different people read words differently. You are reading ultimate as meaning 'having the final say' whereas I am reading ultimate as meaning 'no other person has any influence whatsoever'. The English language is extremely versatile. issy In this case, I think both are important, and perhaps also a third use of ultimate. So, the owner having "ultimate authority" would mean: 1) having the final say ("the buck stops here"); 2) that the owner's authority trumps that of every other involved party (the ultimate authority in the matter); and 3) a fundamental basis of the relationship (as in ultimate property or constituent). The third, I think, is very important in how Tanos conceives of IE. Steve Edited 31 Mar 08, 2:21 PM by Steve_Vakesh 31 Mar 08, 11:41 AM Mitdasein US, 19 mths Steve_Vakesh wrote: isouda wrote: It is interesting how different people read words differently. You are reading ultimate as meaning 'having the final say' whereas I am reading ultimate as meaning 'no other person has any influence whatsoever'. The English language is extremely versatile. issy In this case, I think both are important, and perhaps also a third use of ultimate. So, the owner having "ultimate authority" would mean: 1) having the final say ("the buck stops here"); 2) that the owner's authority trumps that of every other involved part (the ultimate authority in the matter); and 3) a fundamental basis of the relationship (as in ultimate property or constituent). The third, I think, is very important in how Tanos conceives of IE. Steve Isn't English a wonderful language in the way it polymorphs? It gives one the flexibility to either restrict or expand a meaning, and as long as one attempts to write clearly it can be understood. Thank you for the expansions on what I was saying - all of these sense of "ultimate" are important, not just the one I focused on. In practice I think a Master would have to know and be aware of how and in what ways his say was in fact ultimate, if he were to consider a woman otherwise married as a slave. While mitda is married to me emmie has a husband (the four of us form a quad as far as poly family life goes) who is not her Dominant in any way. They have an egalitarian relationship, even though he is a dominant type and is in fact interested in acquiring a slave of his own. He just doesn't see mitda or emmie as the type of slave he's interested in and likes the relationship with them that he already has. I'm fairly comfortable with how and when my authority is ultimate, which is to say it is ultimate when I choose it to be. One of the issues I have with Tanos' definition is that it seems to boil down to "the slave cannot leave of his/her own accord", something that really rather begs the question than answers it. (i.e. if she stays she's a slave, if not she never was). I'm sure that wasn't the intention but it does seem to fall that way upon analysis. Which isn't to say that I haven't learned a lot from the wiki, which I recommend as a starting point for any terminological discussion. Mitdasein House of Daedalus "Mastery is always inceptual." http://dominationandmastery.wordpress.com/ http://www.absoluteenslavement.com 31 Mar 08, 8:37 PM Chastiser UK, 8 yrs Y! Steve_Vakesh wrote: isouda wrote: It is interesting how different people read words differently. You are reading ultimate as meaning 'having the final say' whereas I am reading ultimate as meaning 'no other person has any influence whatsoever'. The English language is extremely versatile. issy In this case, I think both are important, and perhaps also a third use of ultimate. So, the owner having "ultimate authority" would mean: 1) having the final say ("the buck stops here"); 2) that the owner's authority trumps that of every other involved party (the ultimate authority in the matter); and 3) a fundamental basis of the relationship (as in ultimate property or constituent). The third, I think, is very important in how Tanos conceives of IE. Steve i would say that from the viewpoint of a posession only one meaning is important. the meaning the owner gives to it. anything else is opinion and only relevant to a relationship if the dominant within it allows it to be. Mike Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow. Taking part in the Macmillan 4x4 charity event in 2008. please donate to this http://www.justgiving.com/teameuropcar Next page