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	SD! : Web boards : D/s News/Events : "Outside Influences?" 1 2 Outside Influences? (14) 26 Sep 08, 2:26 PM Mistress_Caramela US(FL), 3 yrs Y! I'm a transsexual who was extremely closeted until a biological female "brought me out." She wasn't just a friend, but another lifestyle dominant I dated for three years. One evening, we drove over four hours to meet other couples at a transgender owned niteclub which also had a large BDSM clientele. I think that it's somehow easier for a crossdresser, transvestite, tg or ts to get out in public with a genetic female because the trust and acceptance makes that person feel more confident than just going out with another tg. It's not even about the woman being a spouse, lover or friend. Women tend to have more patience than other tgs in my experience. "I couldn't find her, so I became her." 26 Sep 08, 4:35 PM Master_Al US(SC), 4 mths Y! It was many years for me knowing what I was interested in and not being able to do anything about it. I was in two different vanilla marriages where my desires in regards to this lifestyle would not have been viewed kindly (crazy women) and I think that it may have played a part in the demise of both of those relationships (along with many other things). However, when I hinted at the idea of D/s with my current wife/sub she was hesitant at first but open. My exs' would have dismissed it quickly. And although we are still in the begining of living it full time and still working out some kinks, I am much happier with the openess of our relationship and living the way I have wanted to since I was a teen. 10 Oct 08, 1:00 PM Sgiandubhs_ceilidh US, 2 yrs Y! i would have to say after reading all the posts on this subject that if all the "kinks" "came out" then the minority would be the "straights". i had the experience in the small town (pop. 6,000...salute) that W/we live in, in being "found out" by a local. Well, slap me silly, she is a dom. She began pointing out all the "kinks" in town and i was floored. Master and i do not hide who W/we are, but W/we do not flaunt it either. If W/we are found out, so be it. W/we go on. W/we do not however walk down the street with collar and leash. W/we would then be looked upon as "nuts". It is hard living a lifestyle in the public eye, but when you look, the Baptist, Pentecostal, etc. believe the same that M/s does....the female (i know that is not the same in all M/s relationships) is sub. Keeping that in mind, does that mean that we are so different? Live your lifestyle, but don't push it on others. It can and is being done in cities and towns all over the world. Love without rules. ceilidh 10 Oct 08, 7:10 PM Miss_Becky 5 mths You made a very appropriate point when you said we should live our lifestyle but not force it on others... however, some aspects of our relationships cannot help but be forced upon others (i.e. collars, addressing as "Master" or "slave" in public, etc.)... I have seen posts here relating to both topics I just mentioned (i.e. help! How do I wear a collar at work??/ help! What do I call my Master in public?)... and this is the part that frustrates me... the obvious need some people feel to keep the dynamics of their relationship hidden from the outside world to avoid being cast as freaks of some sort, not fit for the sane, normal, vanilla world. Pierre Trudeau said "The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation." I have always kept this in mind and applied it to various situations... In other words, it's no one's business what another person does in the privacy of their own home... however, I don't believe the D/s or M/s communities should be made to stay private... they shouldn't have fear of stigmatism because they're different from whatever happens to be mainstream... and, unfortunately, due to whatever outside influences are exerted on an individuals life (work, family, friends, community) many people feel the need to hide this lifestyle... this results in a lot of unhappiness... My husband lived in a relationship with a woman for 18 years and never fully told her how much he fantasized about living a D/s lifestyle... the result was a total split and me... a new, open-minded partner. Today, we had a breakthrough... at my command (which was posed as more of a request for his sake, as I thought he still may not be ready) he got dressed up in his knickers, stockings, suspenders, high-heeled boots and woman's blouse... (his "humiliation outfit", if you will) and then, for the first time ever, he left the house... we went for a drive and we parked and got out (it was in a graveyard... morbid, but peaceful, isolated and devoid of prying eyes) and we strolled around... I've never seen him smile so much and as we got back into our Jeep, he kissed me and said "Thanks Miss"... when I asked him what for, he said - for letting him have this experience... it was an amazingly liberating feeling, being able to dress as he did and act as we did (I won't go into the details) and leave our home... (while there was no one else around, it still took our D/s dynamic a very big step into the outside world... which is what we both want but he still fears and which frustrates me to no end... that he has to feel afraid or ashamed of who he is... and what we do). Unfortunately, to lead the lifestyle we both want (and there are many parts to it... not just dressing a certain way or saying certain things to one another), it would certainly be very forcefully "in-your-face"... and that, as you have pointed out, is what we must avoid... so, what then? I guess that's why I have the attitude "what the hell"... if D/s and M/s relationships moved into the outside world in a much more real way (with everything, from the kinks to the seemingly mundane daily rituals), eventually it wouldn't seem so taboo to people who currently have very limited information and knowledge of the topic/ lifestyle. The strongest and most effective force in guaranteeing the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated, but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.