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	SD! : Web boards : Practical IE : "Psychological need for take down scenes." 1 2 3 4 Psychological need for take down scenes. (35) Tue 6 May 08, 11:40 PM jakesemma US(WA), 14 mths  Occasionally Master and I do a take down situation. A take down to us is real. Its real sign of domination, of power, of his strength over mine. I don't want a scene, or play, it has to be real. His hands on me have to be real, relentless. I want to feel small and humble and female and a play or scene or asking for it doesn't make me feel that way. I don't know why it is something I need, but it "centers" me in a way that no other type of play does. Preditor and Prey drive. Male Dominance over weaker Female. If it is setup, or asked for, it isn't the same, this is real emotion in a way that can't be faked or politely requested. They are many non verbal communication behaviors, that lead up to the scenario's. When I get prey like, he acts preditor like. It in a way, does require "acting out" in attention seeking behavior, not nessecarily being bad. And in our household, he doesn't consider it bad or not okay for me to communicate in this manner...he understands my behavior for what it is, and what it means. He's still always in control. But this is why I cannot "ask" for it. It isn't something you can ask for. So, the discussion question at hand is, why is there a need for take down scenes? Does anyone else relate to this need? Do other Masters understand what I am talking about in reference to this behavior, and why it works this way for a slave (not just me specifically.) I apologize for the way I wrote this yesterday and am re-writing this after discussing it with my owner. He said it was confusing to anyone who didn't know what I was talking about. My apologies. Edited Wed 7 May 08, 3:06 PM by jakesemma 7 May 08, 3:22 AM dommistressmelanie US(WA), 10 mths  it does make sense. I wonder if you can talk to him about it and come up dress code if you don't have one yet that tells him how you're feeling that day. If you feel like acting out wear something you KNOW he's not going to approve of and see what his reaction is, if you sit down and hash it out, what's acceptable to wear to get the reaction without really pushing the unacceptable boundries. I'm probably not making much sense either, sleep deprived. Serve me well and we both shall prosper 7 May 08, 5:22 AM slave_emma US(OK), 2 yrs  Maybe the problem that you are having is that by asking for playtime you feel like you are either gaining or seeking to gain control in the relationship and that is why it doesn't have the same effect on you. Perhaps you desire a less immediate response from your owner. In my personal life, when I ask for something very rarely does my Master give it to me at that moment. He has the standard line of, “I'll take it under advisement.” Sometimes He will decide to let me have what I am asking for, other times He won't. It all depends on what He wants to do. Acting out or going on the fringe of what is acceptable, definitely isn't the way I would try for more playtime. Sometimes, when I feel like I need extra time in the bedroom. I will go on a cleaning spree, so I get positive feedback from my Master. Doing positive things and acting in a desirable manner heightens the chances for my Master deciding to play without me feeling like I have to ask. best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl Edited 7 May 08, 5:35 AM by slave_emma 7 May 08, 3:02 PM jakesemma US(WA), 14 mths  I re-wrote the original Topic to try and make more sense, my apologies for the rambling no-making sense post yesterday. 7 May 08, 8:10 PM 000-810-743 US, 3 yrs  Greetings, Jake's emma; i know exactly what you mean (i think). For me, there is a definitive drive behind it...i need to be reminded and reassured of His feelings for me. i've had my share of abandonment problems and anxiety over the future, and while my head knows that He will not drop me, i am precious and important to Him, my heart occasionally does a lil' waver and i start to lose my surety and focus. When i feel this happening, i know what i need...the obvious, overwhelming feeling of His dominance, His drive and His strength. i'm not questioning them, more often i'm unsure of how i fit into it. And when He is forceful with me, i am reassured of my role in life, reassured that wants me and cares for my service. As for indicating that i need that particular expression, i too cannot straight out ask for it. Once you name it, ask for it, it loses the raw passion and becomes a near farce, a scene. Instead, i position myself throughout the day in poses that encourage His natural tendency to act out His dominance...i might lift my hair away from my neck as i pull it back, because He loves to grab the back of my neck and squeeze until i kneel in deference. That would be something i would normally do anyway, i love to kneel at His feet, but this is something different! Or...lemme think...i might stretch in the morning getting out of bed, near a wall, and cross my wrists as i do - seems to be an immediate reaction from Him to pin me to the wall by my wrists, then do something to me to enforce it...biting, growling something in my ear. i should note that i normally stretch like that (arms crossed at wrist) anyway...it's the wall that triggers it. i need it. i need to be forcefully handled sometimes, to have the release of being my true, small, soft self, and know that His true, dominant, stronger-than-me, dedicated Self is always there to compliment/draw-it-out/enhance it. i'm sorry that was so long. Did i come anywhere near what you were looking for? Kind regards, slave tora, devoted to Sir N 7 May 08, 9:02 PM jakesemma US(WA), 14 mths  000-810-743 wrote: Greetings, Jake's emma; i know exactly what you mean (i think). For me, there is a definitive drive behind it...i need to be reminded and reassured of His feelings for me. i've had my share of abandonment problems and anxiety over the future, and while my head knows that He will not drop me, i am precious and important to Him, my heart occasionally does a lil' waver and i start to lose my surety and focus. When i feel this happening, i know what i need...the obvious, overwhelming feeling of His dominance, His drive and His strength. i'm not questioning them, more often i'm unsure of how i fit into it. And when He is forceful with me, i am reassured of my role in life, reassured that wants me and cares for my service. As for indicating that i need that particular expression, i too cannot straight out ask for it. Once you name it, ask for it, it loses the raw passion and becomes a near farce, a scene. Instead, i position myself throughout the day in poses that encourage His natural tendency to act out His dominance...i might lift my hair away from my neck as i pull it back, because He loves to grab the back of my neck and squeeze until i kneel in deference. That would be something i would normally do anyway, i love to kneel at His feet, but this is something different! Or...lemme think...i might stretch in the morning getting out of bed, near a wall, and cross my wrists as i do - seems to be an immediate reaction from Him to pin me to the wall by my wrists, then do something to me to enforce it...biting, growling something in my ear. i should note that i normally stretch like that (arms crossed at wrist) anyway...it's the wall that triggers it. i need it. i need to be forcefully handled sometimes, to have the release of being my true, small, soft self, and know that His true, dominant, stronger-than-me, dedicated Self is always there to compliment/draw-it-out/enhance it. i'm sorry that was so long. Did i come anywhere near what you were looking for? Kind regards, slave tora, devoted to Sir N This is very similar to some of the behaviors I exhibit. I tend to be clingier, almost to the point of annoying him and he shoves me away, I for sure do the weak female against the wall with the come and get me look LOL However, that rarely if ever works to indicate that I need him to be rough with me and the wall thing is usuall my last ditch attempt to communicate the need before I start pouting and getting stubborn with him. I can't help it. I try to be conciously aware and the harder I try to be good when this "need" hits me, the crankier and snappier I get... the motions become robotic and stiff. I get tense.. waiting... knowing what I need, and waiting for him to feel up to fixing me when he's ready to do it.... 7 May 08, 9:44 PM 000-810-743 US, 3 yrs  i'll be the first to admit, Jake's emma, that i have unintentionally regressed to undesirable behavior. Normally, i can sense His irritation with my misbehavior, and He will shoot me looks to signal His irritation, which i immediately try to assess what i am doing, why i am doing it, and figuring it out from there. If i am feeling unsure of my role, i might try and recite the kajira's prayer to myself, or my one-line mantra "All things flow from Him". Then, i might leave the crop on the bed, as a sign that i am struggling and need His direction. It's still unknown if He will assist me, or when, but i've done what i can, and must leave it in His hands. It's much easier said than done, but no one ever said being a slave was rainbows and sunshine. Much as i might wish... Walk tall and be well (also offered to your Owner, He sounds like a fine Man) slave tora, devoted to Sir N 8 May 08, 2:00 AM 882-754-975 US, 2 yrs  000-810-743 wrote: Greetings, Jake's emma; i know exactly what you mean (i think). For me, there is a definitive drive behind it...i need to be reminded and reassured of His feelings for me. i've had my share of abandonment problems and anxiety over the future, and while my head knows that He will not drop me, i am precious and important to Him, my heart occasionally does a lil' waver and i start to lose my surety and focus. When i feel this happening, i know what i need...the obvious, overwhelming feeling of His dominance, His drive and His strength. i'm not questioning them, more often i'm unsure of how i fit into it. And when He is forceful with me, i am reassured of my role in life, reassured that wants me and cares for my service. Kind regards, slave tora, devoted to Sir N I can understand what you both mean. I need the raw power that he displays when he decides to be physically dominant. I will say, though, for me it is kind of the opposite. My heart never waivers, but often times my head gets in the way. I start to interpret every little thing (like the long hours at work, or the times he goes out hunting/fishing instead of being at home), and it seems to be a personal affront. I have to remind myself that my "needs" are to revolve around him, and his time, not mine. For me, his physical dominance is a reassurance that he still desires me, and wants to own me. But, also, I've always liked my foreplay rough... I do tend to "act out" to get that kind of attention, but it isn't serious - I tease him by "misbehaving." In reality, I am still obeying, but I may make teasing comments or hesitate momentarily. Fortunately, we have a relationship where I can tease him, without too much consequence. wench 882-754-975 a caged bird...singing 8 May 08, 9:39 PM IntentionalCruelty US, 11 mths  dommistressmelanie wrote: it does make sense. I wonder if you can talk to him about it and come up dress code if you don't have one yet that tells him how you're feeling that day. If you feel like acting out wear something you KNOW he's not going to approve of and see what his reaction is, if you sit down and hash it out, what's acceptable to wear to get the reaction without really pushing the unacceptable boundries. I'm probably not making much sense either, sleep deprived. Actually, this DOES make sense to me; at least, as far as an agreement of non-verbal cues to communicate when such play is desired. I know asking for it, even indirectly, can affect the headspace involved. It doesn't even have to be something he disapproves of, either. Just knowing when you're wearing THIS, means....X. I like the idea, of having non-verbal cues to communicate when certain specific sorts of play are desired. Injecting a small safety note: for those of you who haven't tried this yet, and want to, either the slave needs to know how to fall without hurting herself first, or at very least the Master needs to be sure to grab her head as she's falling, to keep it from banging on anything hard when she hits the floor. Will Whip for Sex. 9 May 08, 12:02 AM jakesemma US(WA), 14 mths  IntentionalCruelty wrote: dommistressmelanie wrote: it does make sense. I wonder if you can talk to him about it and come up dress code if you don't have one yet that tells him how you're feeling that day. If you feel like acting out wear something you KNOW he's not going to approve of and see what his reaction is, if you sit down and hash it out, what's acceptable to wear to get the reaction without really pushing the unacceptable boundries. I'm probably not making much sense either, sleep deprived. Actually, this DOES make sense to me; at least, as far as an agreement of non-verbal cues to communicate when such play is desired. I know asking for it, even indirectly, can affect the headspace involved. It doesn't even have to be something he disapproves of, either. Just knowing when you're wearing THIS, means....X. I like the idea, of having non-verbal cues to communicate when certain specific sorts of play are desired. Injecting a small safety note: for those of you who haven't tried this yet, and want to, either the slave needs to know how to fall without hurting herself first, or at very least the Master needs to be sure to grab her head as she's falling, to keep it from banging on anything hard when she hits the floor. Actually, a word of caution is advised as well for those who haven't down a real take down scene before, when the fight or flight reflex kicks in, you might seriously damage your dominant if they aren't expecting you to fight for your life. I've hauled of swinging as HARD as I could and if he hadn't of restrained me... he'd have been hurt. Usually, both parties end up with bruises, marks, and tired, sweaty... in some ways, its great excersize LOL The other thing to be aware of, is if the slave has any triggers for panic attacks, emotional distress, stress disorders, flash backs from an abusive history, to be aware that anything like this could trigger them and you could have a ball of a mess on your hands in the shape of a human slave. I would consider this, in many ways pretty edgy. There's risk of emotional trauma, the slave could feel abused or traumatized afterwards, even if no sex is invovled... I am not traumatized by this, but it took a long time of sorting through my "need" for this type of situation to happen to stop feeling guilty about it and just accept it for what it was and not worry, or traumatize myself by feeling guilty that I needed it... The act of itself didn't traumatize me... but Master hits me hard, he slaps my arms, he pins me down, he tears my clothes off, he's firm and even mean and angry sounding... If a slave is easily traumatized, this type of play could be emotionally and mentally damaging... Its something that should really be considered with care, and talked about a lot... There were times where I felt abused almost, and had to take time to really really think about it... I needed it, I wanted it, did he abuse me by giving me what I wanted, was the trauma in my head? This is something I had to work through when we first got married and this came up between us.. He also tread carefully, to make sure I could handle it and I was okay with it and wouldn't be damaged or traumatized long term... I would be far more worried about the mental and emotional risks than the physical. Just wanting to add that because people rarely go into the mental or emotional issues that might come up with something like this... regards, Jake's emma Edited 9 May 08, 1:33 AM by jakesemma 9 May 08, 1:58 AM obielax US(OH), 8 mths  As a new Owner my pet and I have been working out diffrent ways to communicate O/our diffrent head spaces and have worked with this very topic. When I feel the need all I have to do is look at her and give her the command "stop me" and she knows that short of my eyes or my kidneys that she should use as much force as she can muster to try.(the first time I told her this, she kicked me off the bed, and nearly tumbled me into the fire! ) However when the time comes to act out her "rape fantasy", she requests prior notice so she need not allow her fear of actually harming me to hold her back. (this fantasy involves me driving up on her on the street and dragging her into the back of a van with a bag over her head). Being a S.N.A.G. (sensitive new age guy) at heart, I find it diffacult to live up to this level of Dominance. Though my pet has a high level of desire for this type of play and structure, she has been patient with my learning curve. Next page