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	SD! : Web boards : Service : "A reluctant pet.." A reluctant pet.. (5) Wed 28 May 08, 7:22 PM MA_Kitten US, 6 mths  My Master and I have been together now for nearly four years and married for over a year, and BDSM was always something that we played around with together, but it was never a real part of our lifestyle or relationship. Within the last year, however, my Master has wanted this to become a more serious part of our life, and wants to make it more serious for both he and I.. I have tried to do as he wants simply because of my love for him and my desire to please him, but I've found this transition extremely difficult to accept, even though it isn't expected of me 24/7. Now I have always been a very headstrong and independant woman and I feel that I'm now expected to completely change who I am. I suppose my question is this: How can I do this for my Master and find a way to accept this new lifestyle without also feeling resentment toward it? Has anyone else felt this way or had a similar problem? 28 May 08, 7:53 PM Master_Teel US(TX), 16 mths  Here is a good thread on just that topic. Lifestyle in Marriage Master_Teel Use Google to search SD: http://www.google.com/advanced_search?q=+site:se... 28 May 08, 8:53 PM 000-446-713 US(KY), 4 yrs  I think, if you want this, you have to actively work at it. Slavery is not something that is just pushed onto you, not something that jumps out and attacks you. It is something you work hard at being and becoming, and are never done working towards. Start by keeping a journal. reflect on why you want this, what this means to you. Start doing some active studying and researching. Read, read, read. There are so many great websites, there are some great books. Consider finding a good slaves email group to belong to. Are you active in local scene, where you can connect with others, make friends, and enjoy socaillizing? An M/s relationship is not about the Dom leading a reluctant, or passive, sub, by the leash while she does nothing. Just as a vanilla relationship needs input from both partners in terms of romance, passion, interaction, ect; so does an M/s relationship. Talk to him - endlessly. About what you want, what scares you, what you feel resistant towards, what turns your crank - everything. feelings should never, ever be off limits. Acknowldge your feelings, whatever they are, to everything you do, let him know them, and move through them. They are not the controling, deciding factor on what you do, but they are not to be ignored and pushed aside, either. be patient with yourself. My Master always says that training me is a 40 year project. don't worry about it going slow. Just enjoy it. 29 May 08, 7:32 AM monika_Pana_Piotra PL, 14 mths  You have been together for a very long time and changing the rules after such period might be difficult. In my opinion you should trust your Master in this matter and let him introduce you into a relationship where there is more and more of BDSM. All changes are difficult but after some time you get used to them and even start loving all new rules and restrictions. Just try, let it get into your life and then check how do you feel about that. The only place where i feel secure, happy and fulfilled is on my knees in front of my Master. i am my Master's sole property, His will is my will and i desire to be His slave, His whore and His servant as long as He decides me to. 7 Sep 08, 3:07 PM Damsel US, 3 mths  I understand how this can be. I've been dating my master for 7 years and after a while I decided to take it to the next level to make him happy. I am hoping that if I strive to make him happy someday I might enjoy it but its not easy. I have a anxiety disorder so its doubley hard for me but I try and trying is what matters. Edited 7 Sep 08, 3:08 PM by Damsel 7 Sep 08, 5:59 PM Camille US(CA), 4 mths  My owner and I were in a similar situation at the beginning of our relationship. (If I understand what you've written correctly ) Emotionally, I very much wanted and intended to keep my commitment to him but I was frequently bothered by doubts of his ability and my own wisdom at having agreed to give up the things I had. I began to keep a notebook and every time I felt unsure or unwilling, I would make myself define specifically the idea or situation that had brought the feeling about. This is simplified, but an example would be when he'd decide what I'd wear for the day. I would of course cooperate, but the desire to choose for myself was still present. In my book I'd enter "Christopher choosing my clothes" in the column I'd marked as "Worries". In the column opposite, marked "Logic", I would enter something along the lines of C having good taste, would not dress me to look foolish, and as he was also raising four healthy children, it was clear that he knew what would be appropriate/necessary. Considering each concern as well as its reality in concrete terms and on a scale I could keep in my mind allowed me to feel I'd thought the issue through and able to let it go. I did know it was always part of a bigger picture, but I also know any situation can only be dealt with one part at a time and "vague" tends to make me crazy. I used my notebook heavily for several months and only occasionally now, but it's very helpful to me in changing preferences and thinking that in my new way of life are largely only habitual. I hope this can help you - I do know (I think) how you are feeling. Camille