Yes Master ... BDSM Toplist    [other banners]

	SD! : Web boards : Service : "Dealing with M/s after loss of loved one" 1 2 Dealing with M/s after loss of loved one (11) Mon 9 Jun 08, 2:06 PM His_mAlice US(TX), 9 mths I am having a hard time dealing with my M/s relationship. I just lost a very dear family member yesterday and I guess I am having a nasty bout of depression. I'm unsure how to act, I guess. I am just sad and so tired. I don't want to get out of bed or do anything, and surely don't feel like getting in trouble. My M is being very good about the whole situation but I just feel so guilty for not being a good slave to him. Does any have any ideas to help me get back on track? I am having a hard time focusing on him (or anything) it's just like I am in a daze. Thank you in advance. mAlice "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage" 9 Jun 08, 4:00 PM Ms_Valentine 8 mths Depression is a form of illness so it is hardly surprising if you are less able to serve your Master well when you are ill. If you add bereavement into that, it is a horrible mix of things to deal with and will take time. You must stop being so hard on yourself. You are only human like the rest of us and are prone to human feelings. I am sure your Master will be understanding as he will be looking to protect and look after what belongs to him. Cut yourself some slack and try in small ways, manageable ways to continue your service. Try to keep a feeling of connection with the situation of normality you clearly love and make sure that you slowly work back to your usual level of service as you feel able. Being hard on yourself can be one of the many manifestations of the depression, so in order to counteract that you should be conscious of how good you normally are as a slave and hold onto that. That is the real you. That is what you can be proud of even if for a while you need to concentrate on getting well again. 9 Jun 08, 4:36 PM JRCs_petk HK, 14 mths Y! Hi there, I can sympathise with you. I lost a loved one just over two weeks ago, it took days to function normally and feel like my normal self without my thoughts being preoccupied on the loss. I found myself torn between my service here to my Owner, and the need to be 8,000kms away to grieve with my family. I did not leave my Owner to attend my family, as there was little I could do to change the situation. More importantly, I needed my Owner's strength, being 8,000kms from him for a week would have been far more difficult than grieving from afar. You are not expected to be your normal self during this time of grief, any expectation to grin and bear it would be futile. Draw on your Owner's strength, try to focus on fond memories of your lost loved one. It gets easier with time. Just remember, your life is precious, allow yourself to grieve, but move on. Your loved one would want you to enjoy your life. My condolences, kim 10 Jun 08, 2:52 AM masterfiremaam US(AZ), 2 yrs One reasons we have funerals is so that we have a ritual that gives us closure about loosing the person. If you aren't able to go to the funeral, do a ritual all for yourself. Take a whole day and do nothing but things that remind you of the person...look through pictures, etc. etc. Write a letter of all the things you never said to the person and want to. You can keep it, tucked away with the photographs or you can encompass it as part of your ritual. Be sure you understand the grief process. Guilt about feeling loss can be a common thing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief Master Fire ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh Hai! Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 12 Jun 08, 9:08 PM His_mAlice US(TX), 9 mths Thank you all for your replies. My M took me to the funeral yesterday, as it was only 30 miles away from his home. I am already feeling a lot better. I found just doing small things makes me feel a lot better. Master Fire, the wiki on grief was very helpful to me. Kim, I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the funeral...but at least you didn't have to deal with the "vultures" fighting about who got what material posession. That was nausiating. It is no wonder I entered into a M/s relationship in which I have none. That kind of thing makes me physically ill. Now I just have to work on working up to the level of service that I was at before. I'm still feeling very tired all the time. "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage" 12 Jun 08, 9:37 PM sclavus_princess US, 7 mths Wow, this one is a touph one for me,very recently my previous Dom was killed by a drunk driver while riding his motorcycle ( i was his sub,not 24/7 slave, along w/ another sister sub).His other sub let me know throuph e-mail then blasted me for leaving them. i guess i just haven't dealt with it properly but found for me( being very prone to lethargy and depression) that keeping up my daily routine was nessacary, my Master let me decide how to grieve, but i really don't know that i have grieved at all..i am not sure how i am supposed to feel considering it was not the most amicable uncollaring process..i guess my point is just to share,writing for me often helps and think i will take the advice to write to him and try to give myself a little ceremonial closure..Thanx 12 Jun 08, 10:04 PM His_mAlice US(TX), 9 mths I'm very sorry to hear about your former dom. My first love was killed by a drunk driver in 2001. We had been together since we were 10. He was also my best friend. That is a very hard thing to experience. At least with illness you don't feel like it was unnessary know what i mean? If you want to talk or vent or whatever, I'm always around. "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage" 14 Jun 08, 7:22 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs What you are going through is one of the identifiable stages of grieving - shock, numbness, guilt, anger and acceptance i believe covers about all. Knowing that, even as a retired counselor is not helping me any. Knowing that this too shall not exactly pass,, but that it can get easier with time from others who have also lost their own Masters as i did, have told me. it has also helped me consider what a precious commodity time is and to help me want to treat all of my remaining loved ones - in or out of lifestyle, no Master or Dom as yet or probably ever, except as friends even in play, but other types of relationships, differently. i cherish every moment with those who remain and have learned to try to show my appreciation for T/t/them now - extra t for non-vanillas - now, not later as later may never come. So that in this way, as with Master, there are no major regrets except that He's not tangible or visibly here. just a thought and with it my great sympathy and much empathy - death rots, yet sometimes it is the ultimate healing for one who was in pain as my Master was, as my (true genetic) Dad was, and as even my cat was over the years. No matter how much i analyze it as a former counselor, all i can say is really not much but believe it or not it does start to get better - and until it does i believe i am getting better as a person because of the experience, perhaps? j/L Papa's owned ALWAYS - still proud to wear HIS collar, rest in peace beloved Master 17 Jun 08, 4:12 PM His_mAlice US(TX), 9 mths I feel the exact same way - I live in the now and never fail to say or do something instead of waiting - there may be no tomorrow. I do feel like a stronger (be it sadder) person. My heart goes out to you too. I think it very honorable you still wear his collar. The offer stands for you too if you ever want to talk or are lonely - im always here. I'm no counselor but I have been to plenty of group therapy It has really helped me just knowing other people out there feel like this too that are in the lifestyle - couldnt ever really say at therapy somethings i can say here. Thank you. "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage" 15 Sep 08, 7:39 PM slaverebecca US(MI), 4 mths i totally know what you mean i lost my old Master and Mistress a little over 6 months ago and then about a month ago i lost my mom. It has been very hard for me to deal with. i have also got into a bout of depression so i kind of know what you mean. 15 Sep 08, 11:52 PM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs His_mAlice wrote: Dealing with M/s after loss of loved one I am having a hard time dealing with my M/s relationship. I just lost a very dear family member yesterday and I guess I am having a nasty bout of depression. I'm unsure how to act, I guess. I am just sad and so tired. I don't want to get out of bed or do anything, and surely don't feel like getting in trouble. My M is being very good about the whole situation but I just feel so guilty for not being a good slave to him. Does any have any ideas to help me get back on track? I am having a hard time focusing on him (or anything) it's just like I am in a daze. Thank you in advance. mAlice i know i've responded to this previously, but am just wondering how you are doing now that some time has passed - i know with my late Master's death 10 mos. ago yesterday that for me it got worse before it is even giving a hint of getting better, as at first i was knd of in shock and at first i had E/everyone to comfort me, but nobody was there when i really got past the numb to the anger and other feelings. i hope you're okay j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin Next page