This page sponsored by JT's Stockroom    [other banners]

	SD! : Web boards : Practical IE : "No-limit relationships" 1 2 No-limit relationships (19) Sat 14 Jun 08, 4:08 PM jakesemma US(WA), 15 mths Y! I probably have a no-limit relationship now, or damn near it... (At least I think so, Ill have to go ask Master, he might disagree with me LOL) I know when I first started, I was sooooo afraid to give up control... sometimes he'd take it from me, sometimes he'd wait patiently and allow me to give it up willingly.... but over the time he earned my trust, planned IE firmly in place, and now, I would think its pretty much a no-limit relationship in my mind... And, I have to admit that I think doing it this way is safer than walking into a brand spanking new relationship with "no-limits" in place... I did not know my Owner very long before I married him, we were naturally D/s before I knew there was a lifestyle like this... We eventually evovled to M/s after much research online, I figured out about BDSM lifestyles and what its like and a light bulb turned on inside my head and I went "Ohhhhhh".... Then I wrote him a long email of my discoveries, only to learn he was already aware of it all... and it came as no shock and suprise to him when I wanted it officially... something I could have structured and firmly in place... and I wanted more than wifely D/s... I wanted M/s... (I do think there's a huge difference between D/s and M/s so I don't want to argue about that. to be fair, I don't think either are better in any way, just different.) I know that when he collared me, I knew that he'd eventually get me to a place of no-limits, and it was scary and thrilling all at the same time... But I know at first he worked with me, on my fears, my quirks... to help make it so when the no-limits thing was in place, it would happen, slowly over a period of time, so I wouldn't even really realize its happening....(and he still works on my fears and quirks LOL its a never ending progress) (Logically, I know all about IE, how it works, no-limit relationships etc, but it just happens so slowly... that you dont' really see it coming... ) (This goes back to the whole, a Master won't just drive a precious expensive car into a brick wall theory.) It is scary sometimes, to realize how hard this can be, and even when your scared about something and don't feel trusting for whatever reason, you still submit.... and part of you feels brave and strong for submitting and pleasing him. Which comes to my next point : Until you know someone -- I really think its up to the submissive to protect the future property of her Master. I think she needs to protect herself and keep herself safe until she finds the right one for her... I don't think its smart, to run into a relationship with someone you don't know well... and just give up "everything" right from the start.... I think its wiser to get to know them and take some babysteps first to make sure that the situation is as it seems. When reading psychological websites and websites on theories of M/s and slavery, they all have some things in common, most don't feel that a bad person could pretend to be good for extended periods of time, or would want to put in the energy usually that goes with the charade. And, because they dont' consider Sadism, control, DOminance, or many of the other things "abusive" that you would in a vanilla relationship, you often have to look for totally different warning signs. How someone takes care of their property or animals isn't always the best indicator... (anyone read the book by doon koontz, about china? he was a cop, took care of his house, property and dogs really well and was a complete looney toons. a murderer....) I had a couple different points for this discussion... 1. what do you think are warning signs that new people while they are searching should pay attention to... 2. how long do you think it takes to get to a healthy place of IE (internal enslavement) in a M/s relationship... 3. Do you think a M/s relationship can really be M/s if there's limits set in place by the slave, or only limits the Master "allows" the slave to have for the time being... or would it be a work in progress? 4. Any other comments about what I wrote? 14 Jun 08, 5:04 PM 122-760-889 UK, 22 mths I became a no limits slave sometime ago (about ten years ago and became owned recently Owner has obvioudly the right to do what he likes with me since it is a no limits agreement. I have found this life profoundly exciting as have the many men and women I have to serve to date - while there is a definate no limits policy I have found that folks rarely go beyond treatments which I cannot bear To be an owned slave with no limits I know is as far as I can go and know I have to obey master or his selected friends totally - for example many times I am kept naked and strapped to a whipping post or fucked in many positions and made to give long oral to both men and women on a 24/7 period - it does not bother me since I know my place a total slave and have to put my trust in owner lisa 14 Jun 08, 7:05 PM slave_emma US(OK), 2 yrs jakesemma wrote: 1. what do you think are warning signs that new people while they are searching should pay attention to... 2. how long do you think it takes to get to a healthy place of IE (internal enslavement) in a M/s relationship... 3. Do you think a M/s relationship can really be M/s if there's limits set in place by the slave, or only limits the Master "allows" the slave to have for the time being... or would it be a work in progress? 1. When looking for a partner there were some negative things I stayed away from because I felt it could lead to an abusive situation. One of the things I looked for was anger. There is a difference between showing dominance and showing anger. Anger shows a lack of self-control and when people become angry he or she may not be able to reasonably know when it is time to stop. Lack of honesty was another sign of an abusive relationship, in my opinion. If a dominant is telling his or her friends how weak and how much he or she dislikes his or her slave or sub, but tells the slave or sub that she is perfect then there is a problem. I think it is very unbecoming of a Dominant or Master to openly lie about how he or she feels. If the sub or slave is fearful and/or highly nervous about what the dominant's actions are going to be that maybe a sign of abuse. No one should have to live in fear and that includes slaves. I don't see how trust can be established if the slave is afraid of the Master. Further, if someone starts to show signs of being nervous then they may be in a situation that they don't want to be in. 2. I don't feel there is any set time frame or standard time frame on how long it takes to establish a healthy relationship. However, one would hope that the relationship has always been healthy. The relationship with my Master has always been healthy with no signs of abuse. Rather, than judging a relationship based on health, I look for stability. In a relationship, IE included, there are going to be many different challenges that the couple will face. How that couple handles those challenges is a test to how stable the relationship is. I once had a college instructor who said that if someone wanted to know how stable or strong their relationship is to take away anything pertaining to sex. If the relationship survives without a major fall out then the relationship is stable. My Master and I have had occasion to take away sex, play, and all sadomasochistic actives. This happened when dealing with illness, family issues, and working long hours. Oftentimes, relationships that are founded on a weak base will not survive illness, a death in the family, or financial setbacks. During those times, we didn't think our relationship was crumbing. Rather, we looked to the future and sought the solution. We knew that whatever hardships we may have to endure are only temporary and as long as we are together we will get through them. 3. A Master can set and allow for limits, but I feel this is only possible after trust is established. Overtime, the limits and/or boundaries of the relationship change. My relationship with my Master has changed a lot in the years that we have been together. We have both grown with in the lifestyle and we have grown as people. With that growth, our interests have taken turns into areas that we wouldn't have considered in the past. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 15 Jun 08, 1:56 AM sclavus_princess US, 7 mths though i have been in my M/s relationship only a few months, i came to it with many limits,in bdsm kink and just in general control areas. my limits now are very few and really, as far as bdsm kink, Master has his limits and they are not mine, for i have none, things i thought i would never submit to,i do now daily, because i truely trust him to make the correct decisions as far as play goes. i do however still on occasion try to control other areas of my life, more out of habit i think, it takes practice to always think of others before ones self, i work very hard at this, not just w/ my Master but it makes me a more caring individual in the vanilla world in general...i actually think so many people could benefit from the dynamics W/we all use in our relationships in this lifestyle.This lifestyle has made me a stronger women, through my submission.The role as slave or prior as a submissive is just very natural to me and Masters and Dom/Dommes is usually just natural to them, it's easier than trying to be someone we aren't because of societal demmands.Just wanted to add that i agreed w/ all opinions regarding things to watch out for, all reasonated for me, especially the anger comment.my opinion is that a true Master is always in control of himself first and foremost, how else can He take full responsibility for all aspects of someone elses life. Much Respect, sclavus princess 15 Jun 08, 9:47 AM Chastiser UK, 8 yrs Y! all slaves have limits, they are simply not their own. they are the limits of the person that owns them. Mike Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow. Taking part in the Macmillan 4x4 charity event in 2008. please donate to this http://www.justgiving.com/teameuropcar 24 Jun 08, 5:58 AM 616-763-198 CA, 8 mths Y! i have recently been contacted by a Master who wants me in a 24/7 M/s relationship where he will set the limits. This submissive responded that she believes we should start with D/s relationship where she has some say in limits. Added to the message was the wish that should the D/s relationship flourish and this slave offers herself to be collared, then the relationship evolves into a M/s one where He sets the limits. This submissive also expressed the concerns about relocating to a different country (immigration to the US is tedious and expensive). He has not responded to the suggestion of a progression to total and absolute power exchange which causes some concerns. 24 Jun 08, 4:22 PM Mistress_Tiara UK, 2 yrs Your response sounds very reasonable and sensible to Me. If this potential Master doesn't respond you probably havent lost anything, and hopefully you will eventually find someone on the same wavelength as yourself. Good luck *~*Mistress Tiara*~* 24 Jun 08, 6:45 PM DarkSado 12 mths jakesemma: I agree. Trust is Paramount. Time to achieve that Trust is a requirement. IE, & No Limits are essential to M/s. But before IE & No limits can happen, a slave needs to trust, & trust with no doubt. DarkSado 7 Dec 08, 12:30 PM dontmindthepain UK, 3 yrs Y! 1. what do you think are warning signs that new people while they are searching should pay attention to... I am lucky enough to have never encountered anyone abusive, however I think when getting to know someone, especially in real life, you can get a much better idea of how genuine they are. Anyone who seems 'off' after a few meetings is probably not right for you. Also, I'd say that commanding submission from the word go is a bad start - better to get to know each other in a vanilla sense and if they have a problem with that, they're probably a bit of a twat 2. how long do you think it takes to get to a healthy place of IE (internal enslavement) in a M/s relationship... I am not entirely sure what IE is so I won't pretend to know. I would reckon that from meeting someone it will likely take a long time, although I have never set limits for my current Master and I'm not sure that I'd ever deny him anything. I suppose to understand and achieve IE (from what I have heard) It is more than likely more than a year, to fully understand and accept - but as with everything this will vary. 3. Do you think a M/s relationship can really be M/s if there's limits set in place by the slave, or only limits the Master "allows" the slave to have for the time being... or would it be a work in progress? I tend to work in absolutes to keep things simple, and I view M/s as different to D/s because of a lack of limits and safewords. If a slave has the power to say 'you cannot do that' then imho they are D/s. However, if the slave does have certain limits, but simply trusts that their Master will never ask this of them until they are ready, then i would take that as being M/s because it's not technically a limit. 4. Any other comments about what I wrote? I do like the idea of what you wrote about protecting yourself, but rather than doing this by setting limits, I think in the context of M/s it would be better to do it as a warning system. Geeky Example: If you are running Windows XP, your computer will warn you not to open the 'Program Files' folder as this could damage your software. You then have the choice to say 'I dont know enough, I'd better not go there' or 'I know there's a risk, but I know what I'm doing'. If you're said computer, it still gives your Master the control - but allows you to have some form of protection in that you can warn him of 'risky areas'. 7 Dec 08, 2:10 PM property_of_MacCain US(PA), 10 mths i don't think there is such a thing as a "no limit" slave. i do, however think there are slaves who trust thier Master's limits. They assume thier Master's limits as thier own. This is because they have total trust in thier Master's judgement. Because trust is earned, it does (and should) take time. To jump into a relationship of that type with a stranger seems reckless. This brings us to the proverbial "what if" questions... what if M-type told you to saw off a limb. If you have developed trust with your Master, you know he would never ask such a thing... so the question is irrelevant. You do not know if the guy you just met yesterday is sane... but you know the Master who you have developed a relationship with is. p Please Do Not Feed The Trolls. It's the best way to get our board back on track. 7 Dec 08, 10:00 PM 373-468-022 US, 2 mths Y! property_of_MacCain wrote: i don't think there is such a thing as a "no limit" slave. i do, however think there are slaves who trust thier Master's limits. They assume thier Master's limits as thier own. This is because they have total trust in thier Master's judgement. Because trust is earned, it does (and should) take time. To jump into a relationship of that type with a stranger seems reckless. This brings us to the proverbial "what if" questions... what if M-type told you to saw off a limb. If you have developed trust with your Master, you know he would never ask such a thing... so the question is irrelevant. You do not know if the guy you just met yesterday is sane... but you know the Master who you have developed a relationship with is. p Not to be contrary but....limits, or my definition are things a sub finds offensive that are generally acceptable. Of course this can also be controversial. A limit to me is someone disliking single tails, needles, or corner time and refusing to go there. If done properly there shouldn't be actual harm to a submissive. Whereas chainsaw play, total nudity (in public) or a mulititude of things which may end in an Emergency room or jail aren't a limit. That is common sense. If someone wants to go that far it is their choice. MG was told i did not have limits, providing i didn't end up harmed for life, or in jail. If he would have pushed anything that may have resulted in either, i'd have simply moved on. But, i still wouldn't call them limits. One example, a Dom (?) once told me if i were his he would have my legs amputated so i would be shorter. i smiled and told him since i was owned that wasn't an issue, all the time thinking he may just want to find someone shorter. As far as sane, some would say none of us are. MGs slave "It's the submissives that show to others what type of Dom owns them." - Anonymous "If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel." Mysterious Ways- U2 Next page