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	SD! : Web boards : Poly D/s : "Dealing with jealousy" Dealing with jealousy (4) Sat 5 Jul 08, 3:05 AM 976-188-983 US(ID), 8 mths Knowing that my situation is not anywhere near unique I have to ask: How does one deal with anxiety/jealousy over the issue of your partners/Doms being with other people? In my situation i am married to my partner of 25 years whom i top and collared by a man who just came into my life. my husband does not require sexual contact very much which is a problem for me because i do, tremendously, he does require a constant need for control though and i am beginning to find this harder and harder to do now that i am collared by Kyle. Kyle is a stern man but is extremely loving and caring and will do anything for me to make me happy and yes i do mean anything to include letting me get away with bad behavior (for which i punish myself far worse than He ever could). my problem is i'm an extremely jealous person and i mean green horns, tail and skin kinda jealous. This eats me up everyday of my life because it makes me a hypocrit. Any woman, and i mean any woman, who looks at either of the men in my life and i turn into this raving lunatic who is bitchy, spiteful and downright ugly. i know this happens, i even understand the psychological reasons behind it because of my low self-esteem and trust issues since i have been lied to for most of my married life but i have no control over it, i get caught up in this viscious catch 22 and it only gets worse. i also know that i get so fricking turned on by it that i can't see straight. my problem is this: how do i trust Kyle when He says nothing will happen when from past experience of my husband's indiscretions a man's libido can be lead astray so easily? Yes this is a "poly" relationship but Kyle is very strictly hetero, i am not really bi but might with the right woman (but with jealousy issues this is difficult), and my husband is bi. i am near tears on this. i know this will be the one thing that will drive Kyle from my life and having found Him and having His collar i can't see life without Him. Thank Y/you all for Y/your help. stephanie 5 Jul 08, 3:27 AM JRCs_petk HK, 14 mths Y! Hi stephanie, My apologies if I seem blunt, but I do not see any threat in your situation regarding the attentions of your men. You're the one who has more than one partner, if anything it should be your husband feeling this way, not you! At the end of the day, if a partner is going to stray, they will. There is little you can do to change this fact. Ultimately, you have a long standing husband who needs your attentions just as much as your new partner does. Your husband you have mentioned you have enslaved - slaves require a firm, stable and rational Top. Your current insecurities may be leading to neglect of your husband's needs. You've done well to recognise that your insecurities stem from past hurt, now you need to overcome them. You are currently letting these insecurities control you, I can imagine that would be quite frustrating. I'd recommend seeing a kink friendly counselor who may be able to help you work through your insecurities. Alternatively, try reading "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman. This book helped me immensely when my Owner and I were in a Poly relationship. 19 Jul 08, 10:46 PM Property US, 9 mths hello pot, welcome to the fire. You have two partners and you state, your husband doesnt need the contact but you do, so it seems that you have turned to kyle for sex. Yet if another woman, looks at either men, you lose control. I think that, and pardon property's opinion,you need to be less angry and more understanding. Maybe your husband needs someone less sexual and more understanding. you have gone to someone for the opposite reason, why is it wrong if he finds a nice lady to just "care" for him. You also need to realize that Kyle is not your husband, if he hasnt cheated, you cannot hang that sin on him. Men cheat. Women cheat, but until they do, they should be given the respect and trust that they wont. Chill out. Enjoy and stop trying to control what you cannot. 20 Jul 08, 9:54 AM Mummy_and_Daddy 6 mths I kind of agree with the points above... I mean at the end of the day, he hasn't cheated. You probably have self esteem issues to look at... but until someone has broken the law, he shouldn't be charged... but what I would say is I find this to be so common, possessive people going down the poly route... which is probably not a good idea. If you can't deal with jealously... should you be in a poly relationship? In my case, I am not possessive, but my partner is, so more for him than anything I am monogamous when it comes to men . I think compromise is always best... 23 Jul 08, 6:58 PM 976-188-983 US(ID), 8 mths thank you all for the responses. my Master and i have sat and talked on this issue at some length and we have also come to the agreement that it is probably some deep rooted self-esteem issue mixed with abandonment issues. my entire life has been spent being told i'm not worth much of anything and being left alone at times when most people should never be alone (death of a family member type things...). Anyway, we have discussed the fact that this is something that must be worked on and He has said that this is not a problem for Him to deal with. And no, Kyle has never cheated on me, and never will, this i know for a fact, but my husband has and so the issue of trust in a word given is at stake. Master knows this and is willing to ensure that i know His word will never be broken. Understand, i trust my Master with the very breath i breathe so i'm inclined to believe He will never harm me in anyway. my issues of jealousy have a tendacy to be very strong at the first of a relationship but will taper off as the relation goes on. i know that i am not what my husband needs 100% of the time and i accept the fact that he may need to go somewhere else for those needs, yes it still makes me jealous but not murderously so, that is just human nature. We have begun to work through the issues and i'm sure it will get better with time. again thank you for the responses. His in love