Master_Fusion wrote:
Age difference in BDSM
i didnt know where to post this:
i am interested in knowing if anyone is in an age different relationship and what is the biggest gap relationship you have been in etc...?
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my late Master was 10 years 10 mos. and 2 weeks older than i - and it was a 4th marriage for both of us that turned into a collaring of me by Him on our tenth anniversary. i guess 10 is O/our number. And it's a good thing as S/someone in every relationship - vanilla or othrwise should be mature - and i knew that wasn't me. (Grin)
He'd always felt He "should" be with a younger female and was glad to have the chance - again it was His 4th marriage with only 2 any good, His 3d wife died after a very short time And it worked out as being the "best" for Him, or so He told me always.
it was hard because He did die before me almost a year ago, minus 2 weeks and one day - but, to quote a song, "i wouldn't have missed it for the world, wouldn't have missed loving (YOU Sir), .....i wouldn't have missed it for the world. No regrets about the marriage itself. Some regrets about about the confusion in me only regarding how to have HIS funeral/military honors burial or what to do when He was on life machines. As well as how i would support myself.
He never left me orders about what to do because it was assumed - due to multiple serious health conditions, including now apparent failing of kidneys - and dual physical disabilities on my part that i would actually go first although He also was very sick Heart/Lung-wise; however, even my primary care person said it was very possible He was right. So far that didn't happen. i couldn't handle making them shut down the life-support although they - medical types- wanted to, but i wasn't sure what He wanted. He had SAID He wanted to live a very long life and believed with all His heart He should do so and told me that He wanted me to let them keep Him alive as long as possible while there was "hope".
But He was not clear what "hope" meant and so when the docs were telling me they didn't know if He would make it, but if He did He'd be a - oh how i hate this word for any Human Bing - a "Vegetable", i didn't know what to do and was wracked with torment when HIS son, a doctor i don't even know yet, told His mom that it was torture to keep being electrically jump-started (de-fib) over and over, as He had been for 2 days. And i also knew Master hated pain - even a blood test. He'd always avoided them and i think His avoiding a dentist from the time He was 16 until His death was part of the weird type of pneumonia He had along with the "cardio-pulmonary rehab's" abuse/neglect. (which i can't prove but His daughter might)
Thank Heavens and Earth He was a Veteran (USAF - "Nam era)
and so i could get help as a severely disabled widow both from that and our social insecurity.
That was the only draw-back. i beg all F/folks in BDSM, esp. M/s 24/7 RT to make clear plans and discuss what to do at the end. Although Owner/Doms would make plans for slavs and consenting subs, still i would say if a sub is older, a life-insurance policy with the Owner as beneficiary, at the very least would be good and i hope all Owners and full-time Dominants would do this and leave a clear will - especially if the slave/consenting full-time sub has no job or income or way to take care of her/him-self. THis is particularly true when they are not married legally because otherwise the sub/slave could even end up homeless - and without any say in the Dom/Owner's care medically or funeral, etc. as well as having legal relatives, including some not seen in years, pop up to take away all this slave/sub would hav if they could.
To me, that was the only real draw-back. Even Him saying that i should never serve another, even in play, because , as He put it "I don't share my toys well" - it was never clear if that should continue should He die, but He was so insistent upon it i am taking it as such.
As for the decisions about life-support, knowing what He said vs. the realities of what He was suffering, i did not believe i could make an objective decision and felt if i did, i would feel guilty for the rest of my life. So i told the doctors - truthfully - that i was bipolar and very ambivalent and confused, so i asked them to turn to His sister who was His second health proxy. And she not having made any promises allowed them to turn off the machines - but even that is a litle guilty-making for this slave.
So i would say clear plans for both should O/one die and clear provisions for slaves/subs should an older Dom/Owner die, as well as ther reverse for the older Dom/Owner from the sub so should the sub/slave go young the Dom/Owner isn't left to rot in some cheap nursing home.
That is the only thing W/we didn't have clear communications on and i know this is common in many relationships, vanilla, BDSM, M/s or whatever, as most of the Human race has a real denial when it comes to death.
That's all i will say as i just had surgery on mon. and ended up with complications and in-patient for a "day surgery" or so i was told it should be - and that for 3 full days. i still have a catheter and severe weakness - Yes, THAT kind of catheter and i am findint it doesn't turn me (personally) on in the least.
anyway, rambling rosey here is going to sign off and get into bed before i pass out.
j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin
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