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	SD! : Web boards : Poly D/s : "Question..." Question... (8) Thu 24 Jul 08, 12:12 AM TaintedDesire 4 yrs I'm struggling to get my head around this, I've accepted that my Master does need other subs to play with, (though it took me a while to get my head round that fact) but recently something new has cropped up, and I'm finding it hard to find a level. we have discussed he's probably poly, at least for now, i accepted that. He's recently gotten back in contact with an ex sub of his, he does care for her, I know this, well, he asked me if it would bother me if he played with her, I know he realy wants to, a lot of closure and questions need answering, so how can I deny him this, so i told him that though it bothers me a little, (cause of the feelings involved) I won't deny him meeting her. He has said he would like to after this meet her when time and circumstances allow to play. We have talked bout this I know his reasons and I do fully understand them. I have been chatting to her, she is local to me, we are planning on meeting up for a night out together, and I like the girl. What I'm struggling with is, I can't help feeling that this is taking something away from what we share, I'm not jelous of there meeting, I am secure enough in us to know that he's not about to suddenly drop me etc. Just I can't seem to get my head around how how a relationship can work with the Dom having feelings for two subs, though she won't be his sub again, he will just play with her and when he comes up to visit me split his time between the two of us. The thing is I'm not sure if I'm bothered because I honestly am bothered or I'm bothered because I think I should be, if that makes any sense? Just trying to get my head around the whole, he's 'mine' concept, and am struggling, badly, td 'I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.' 24 Jul 08, 1:58 AM 000-874-172 UK, 5 yrs *Thinks how to be eloquent* Hmmm, no, on this one, I really can't, and I'll tell ya why; look at your situation through My Girl's eyes for a second. I've no previous experience of 'poly' relationships at all, but I've played the 3some game (MfM), well before I met her (talking when I was with My ex-wife), and I've considered 3somes for us, as well as looking for a playmate for My Girl too (which gender that playmate might be is beside the point). What I'm saying is this though; it's one thing for Me, as her Master, to consider entering into a play situation with another person; she'd struggle for sure, because she'd be doing it in service to Me, rather than in her own interests; but it would be completely another for Me to expect her to sit on her hands and bite her tongue if I were to suggest to her about playing with 'My' ex. My Girl'd shred My nuts - slave or not. It's the one place she just CAN'T go. Don't read Me wrong; she's incredibly well disciplined, very well trained, and very obedient, but for Me to ask that of her; to ask her to play with My ex; or for Me to expect her to stand idly by while I did - I may as well rub her face in something putrid; it stinks that much. I fully understand that the situation with 'My' ex is probably vastly different to that with your M's, but even so, it's still the difference between playing with someone new and going back to somewhere I really shouldn't ought to, for so many reasons. Even though I 'can' expect her to do 'anything' (and I watch her squirm with some things, that's for certain), that is absolutely one thing I just wouldn't do. Of course, that 'is' just Me, and everyone has their own boundaries; it's not even about topping from the bottom; more simply put, it's just not something I'd be interested in doing - for Me, let alone us. Proceed with caution, for both of you; even if 'he' can't see it yet. Play with someone else. Master's l'il oneŽ(her Rights are Mine in reserve) 24 Jul 08, 4:48 AM masterfiremaam US(AZ), 2 yrs Often in poly relationships, there's a fear of being replaced. Many people work this through by having specific actions/tasks/outings that are 'just for them'. Maybe this would work for you? Master Fire ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh Hai! Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 24 Jul 08, 11:33 AM eerie_bug UK, 8 mths Just some thoughts from me... TaintedDesire wrote: Just I can't seem to get my head around how how a relationship can work with the Dom having feelings for two subs, I guess that's the difference between poly and not! I'm not poly - but I'm what I call poly-tolerant, in that I can be in a relationship with someone who is. I don't claim to understand his mindset though, and I don't need to, I just accept it. though she won't be his sub again, he will just play with her and when he comes up to visit me split his time between the two of us. That's the issue for me - time. Love can be shared - but time is finite. And if you don't see him a lot anyway... Make sure you're doing something fun and positive in the time he's spending with her so that it doesn't become an issue. The thing is I'm not sure if I'm bothered because I honestly am bothered or I'm bothered because I think I should be, if that makes any sense? Makes perfect sense to me and I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes it's hard to overcome what you think you should feel because "society says so". But really, give it a try, and see how it works. If, as you say, he's said he won't play with her if you don't like it, at least you'll have given it a damned good go and proven to both of you that you were willing to do so. And remember - she's his ex. There's a reason (probably many) that that's the case 24 Jul 08, 12:39 PM 000-874-172 UK, 5 yrs TaintedDesire wrote: Oh, don't get me wrong, he has said if I don't want him to play with her he won't, he's not expecting me to bite my tongue and sit on my hands, but I also know how much he wants this. He wants me to be ok with it, just not sure I can be, no matter how much I understand what it means to him. td I suppose, in fairness, depends a little 'why' they split in the first place, and how they've felt about each other in between then and now. Look at it this way; and I'm gonna be very clear about this; if they split on somewhat acrimonious terms, and they bumped into each other, and said something along the lines of; 'hey, fancying fuckin' sometime - I'll bring mine, you bring yours if you have one...', that's one thing; If, on the other hand they've kept in touch the whole time since they split and had a convo along the lines of; 'hey, aww, remember how you used to touch me there...mmmm, yeah, can we play? Bring a partner', that's a completely different thing. Now, in the former, sex is sex; it 'seems' they have closure, and don't want anything more than play because they're content with their respective lots. On the other hand, in the latter, your suggestion in the first place that he wants to 'go back there' to address old stuff signs trouble simply because even 'if' it 'is' intended as closure, what's to say it won't rekindle that feeling of her being the best thing for him at all. In any case, the fact that you keep using '' to highlight your uneasiness says a whole lot about it. Look at it from My point of view; I'm very much in control of what I do; but if you look back through My archives, you'll find that My Girl was My mistress for a long while. No, she wasn't very good at it; I topped the living hell out of her (part of why she's My slave now, lol) - but what I'm saying is this; even after all I've trained her in, and disciplined her to - probably because of it in fact, there is this 'one thing' she does - that has Me in a very submissive 'putty in her hands' frame of mind, and I sometimes have to dig a lot deeper than I'm willing to acknowledge to maintain control of 'Myself'. It doesn't mean I'm going to release her - no, but it's almost un-nerving that something that simple could have that effect; but then, even though I'm really 'not' the average man's man, I 'am' male after all (led by My dick, if we're being terse) My Girl has the absolute luxury that she has the 'key' to regaining some kind of control, should she ever need to; of that, I really have no doubt at all. For what it's worth, incidentally, I wouldn't even consider giving a second's thought to My ex - too many reasons to list. How does this apply to you? OK, well, they meet up, when? With you, without you; privately - whichever. It doesn't matter. The point 'is', if his ex knows how to push his buttons better than you do, your relationship is pretty much doomed, no matter what he says before it happens, simply because once she touches him like 'that' he'll want it all over again, and will go to great lengths to get it. You can bet on that. All men are bastards, but all women are bitches too - think closely about that. Unless you're really certain that you can handle it, and you're quite clearly not, then sub or not, don't allow it at all with his ex. I'd still consider play with another though Master's l'il oneŽ(her Rights are Mine in reserve) 24 Jul 08, 6:05 PM MasterTJs_lil1bebe US(IA), 6 mths TaintedDesire wrote: Oh, don't get me wrong, he has said if I don't want him to play with her he won't, he's not expecting me to bite my tongue and sit on my hands, but I also know how much he wants this. He wants me to be ok with it, just not sure I can be, no matter how much I understand what it means to him. td bebe, knows that feeling all to well, to be ok with it, but be very careful, it can be a good feeling, or a bad feeling that turns into hell. MasterTJ's_lil1bebe 24 Jul 08, 6:13 PM MasterTJs_lil1bebe US(IA), 6 mths MasterS70 wrote: *Thinks how to be eloquent* My Girl'd shred My nuts - slave or not. that has not occurred to bebe, to do that, thanks for putting that in your post here. MasterTJ's_lil1bebe 25 Jul 08, 5:15 AM slave_emma US(OK), 2 yrs If I were in your position I would be fearful of being replaced by the previous submissive. This woman does have knowledge of your Masters desires and has a positive history with him. Your Master is willing to cut the time he spends with you in half so that he can be with another woman. That would raise my concern. My Master and I have a rule not to involve ourselves with ex's and when we play with person's outside of our relationship, we play together. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 27 Jul 08, 10:47 AM Hawklord UK, 2 yrs slave_emma wrote: My Master and I have a rule not to involve ourselves with ex's and when we play with person's outside of our relationship, we play together. And I've found that to be an essential rule too. The slave hates to be excluded. When I play with one the other is included though sometimes while I use one slave the other may be only in Nadu, head bowed. If I were to use a girl from outside the family they would both need to be involved. And as for using an ex (and regrettably I have a string of them) that's a no-no-no. Sure I am the Master, what I say goes if I want to put up with tears and upsets afterwards. ~~ Hawklord Sic volo. sic jubeo. stat pro ratione voluntas