This page sponsored by JT's Stockroom    [other banners]

	SD! : Web boards : Submission : "The Heartless Wolf slave." 1 2 3 4 The Heartless Wolf slave. (31) Sat 9 Aug 08, 6:50 AM 516-767-074 US(LA), 6 mths My name is Wolf slave 516-767-074 i know.it was not ment to be that way, and i am thankfully for the imput that was given, a lot of it was very wise and helpfull.hopefully i can work thru these issues, i Thank everyone for the thought you put into your answers. i received several memos thogh that were a little less helpfull.i in fact went out and bought every referance book that every single post mentioned as well as having copies of several of the oriental as well as other warrior codes of conduct in my personal collection of books..i ment no disrepect but not everyone on this site is as informed and enlightened as the nice people that did take to time to post, so i took it down. Edited Tue 12 Aug 08, 6:31 PM by 516-767-074 9 Aug 08, 7:25 AM JRCs_petk HK, 14 mths Y! This is slightly disturbing... 9 Aug 08, 7:38 AM MasterJRC HK, 11 mths Y! Wolf slave From what you have written, and only one side of a story, there is no reason to feel sorry for yourself. If error is to be caste, then it needs to be caste at the feet of the one who molded you. The excuse used for releasing you, was always there. A simple term used is "setting you up to fail". That is not a dominant trait, it smacks of a deeper issue held by the mistress concerned. Her need to dehumanise you and automate you, has secondary concerns, in that if directed, then by that fact alone, leaves you outside of the law. Your current training needs not be abated, however, it should include the humanitarian training that must accompany any serious martial art. 9 Aug 08, 3:14 PM Mistress_Tiara UK, 2 yrs I actually see you as having a potentially high value to the right Owner, though I believe most ethical Owners would want to do a fair amount of work to de-programme some of your former training. With the right Owner who could re-programme you in a way which kept the potentially exceptional qualities you may have, whilst eliminating the negative ones, you could flourish and become a very valuable slave. You must however be smart about who you allow to take possession of you in future. Despite your apparent hardness, I see you as infinitely exploitable which is something to beware of - if a Mistress came along who had the ability to mentally control you and said 'yes, you are just what I want exactly as you are' that would understandably be very appealling to you, but I suspect the outcome would once again be negative. So use some of that hard won resilience to now hold out & find an Owner who can re-mould you to be an even more valuable property. I suspect you will find such an individual hard to find, and that it will take hard physical training coupled with strong emotional and mental control skills, but accepting a substitute will really not be worth it and could damage you further. In the meantime I suggest you stop following your former Owners directives & start the job of altering yourself a tiny bit at a time. Think of this as work you need to do to please your future Owner and approach it with the same dedication you do your physical training. Good luck. *~*Mistress Tiara*~* Edited 9 Aug 08, 3:34 PM by Mistress_Tiara 9 Aug 08, 7:34 PM Mistress_Tiara UK, 2 yrs If I were you I would start with attempts to re-connect to the world & yourself. How you approach this is really up to you, but as you have an obvious ability to studiously follow courses of learning (as shown by your physical training), perhaps you could start by reading some books on mindfulness, as a way of learning new thought patterns and responses, and to help you re-connect to the world around you. I realise this is not a dynamic exciting answer but I think it may be a good starting point. I also suggest simply getting out into the world a bit. Its easier to be connected to humanity if you are submerged in it. You seem to Me to have some traits which if honed in the right way could make you a very good slave who would be a real find for the right Owner. It would be a pity to let the negative training you have undergone to overwrite or negate your potential. *~*Mistress Tiara*~* 10 Aug 08, 5:27 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs Okay this is my counseling side coming out, but i agree - for the right person you could have greater value. The lifestyle has been compared by some to the Military - esp. with it's chain of command (See Raven Kaldera's site or book Dark Moon Rising) and i've known some of the Military to go into this. My late Master gave me permission to be a S/switch, but never to serve another and i would definitely see that as a valuable slave trait - esp. in my neighborhood and having double major physical disabilities and several serious illnesses. But i can identify - i have this built in response to abuse where my mouth goes into being the deadly weapon and have won hearings and court cases and agency help for my Master when He was alive, even over real attorneys when i had no formal legal training. In fact i've been known to say that what goes around comes around and is a real bitch - a wolven one, in describing my reactions that way. But we are human and by practising mindfulness - a technique described in FULL CATASTROPHE LIVING by Jon Kabot-Zin among other places, W/we can learn to pause, even just one breath before reacting. Study of the Kabbalah as well as certain aspects of Paganism also helps with mindfulness. (again Raven Kaldera's book and web-site on BDSM and Paganism talk of this) That moment before W/we react is what keeps us Human - of course W/we may decide to do what W/we would normally do as a reaction, but taking that moment makes it a conscious choicee (And i'm quoting a Kabbalah teacher here) But in particular as a former substance abuse counselor and with my Late Master a licensed Hypnotherapist, something else comes to mind.. Find a Kink-friendly Hypnotherapist and keep working with that P/person on this, to slow down and T H I N K, a slogan in one of the 12 step recovery fellowships. it may take repeated sessions, but i believe it could work - and most subs/slaves are very good hypnotic subjects according to Master. Even when they don't think they've been hypnotized as they remember it clearly -LOL! And i wouldn't work it as online hypnosis or by phone, but in a live session - preferably with someone with psychological, counseling, psychiatric or psychiatric social-worker training who won't mess you up more. Which a bad hypnosis session can do and happened to me on a couple of occasions before i met Master. i now have 21 years clean and sober, but used to claim in my early - 3 - 5 years - period of sobriety that Elton John wrote the song "i'm a bitch, i'm a bitch, and the bitch is back -stone cold sober as a matter of fact" about me. And always added to that also that i considered myself a "Wolf bitch". and my mouth/pen/keyboard can be a loaded, near-lethal, weapon. (esp. in defense of Master as some Lawyers and politicians and bureaucrats and collector of bills He didn't owe due to identity theft and a landlord who tried to evict U/us for non-payment although W/we had rent receipts, and the garage that damaged His car as well as our U.S. Veteran's medical and other administrations, Social Security, etc. ALL found this out. In one case the Judge told me if i ever wanted to go to law school that He'd be glad to refer me. LMAO - thank you Your Honor! If i was physically fit, i might be just like you i have a friend - not BDSM but not precisely vanilla, more "french vanilla" - who is a Celtic Pagan ("DRUID") and who is God-owned so to speak who is also my spiritual advisor in things magickal. And she is also a fine fighter, great shot with a gun on a range, hunts deer, and when i say fine fighter she fights florentine with real swords in medieval recreations - florentine being a sword in each hand. she is also a Veteran of the U.S. army and quite gifted in telecommunications as well as now a published author of a fine fantasy work. Don't worry my shape-shifting friend, you WILL survive this and be able to take back some control, perhaps - and from one to another let me say just this " H O W L !!!!!!!!!!!" Not to mention the wolf is a fine totem or protector to many folks who think along such lines! (GRIN) P.S.----------> Have you thought of marketing your skills as a bodyguard? Or, with the right law enforcement training and without saying where you learned your skills, i could see somewhat like you in the U.S. Secret Service or the equivalent. It could be channeled in useful ways perhaps? Many governments spend huge amounts trying to train Their military and law enforcement to be just such a weapon, like S.W.A.T. teams or undercover work? My mom worked as a clerk in the military, in WW2 no less, in what today would be called C.I.D. i believe and also, later, after i grew up and left the nest,she worked as clerical help for our local P.D. detective bureau, so i tend to think along such lines sometimes. There are wealthy individuals and/or famous ones who might well pay dearly for a trained body guard, my friend. j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin Edited 10 Aug 08, 5:42 AM by 662-935-655 11 Aug 08, 9:29 AM masterfiremaam US(AZ), 2 yrs 516-767-074 wrote: i was simply dead. And now? You seem to want someone to rescue you. While that will be tempting for a lot of people, in reality, they will be doing you a disservice if they do. Go read "Sacred Contracts" by Caroline Myss. Pay close attention to the archetype stuff and look at the shadow sides of Knight, the Slave, the Puppet, the Avenger, the Warrior and the Mercenary in addition to lots of study of the four survival archetypes (Victim, Prostitute, Saboteur, and Child). Get to know who you are now...then start becoming who you know you should be. While a new Master or Mistress can create a positive atmosphere to help encourage this, no one but YOU can do this work. I highly recommend therapy. You're not the first of your type out there. A good therapist can help you reconnect with that divine person you KNOW you are deep inside. Master Fire ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh Hai! Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 12 Aug 08, 1:03 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs To our every shadow side traits, when in control of our civilized side, their is also a useful or lighter side we can channel that into - or so Jung taught, so the Tao and Wicca teach, and so i believe. You have started to do this. Denying who or what one is seems to me to be useless. Embracing our shadow selves or inner daemons can be done in socially redeeming ways in BDSM , i believe. However, you might also seek professional help if you are having PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as one of the Owners on here pointed out to me in an e-mail - that is nightmares, flashbacks, (memories coming back to us suddenly and overpowering our current experience in painful ways), insomnia, anxiety, trouble focussing on what you're doing now, i.e. paying attention, being verbally or physically abusive in any way to others, having suicidal thoughts or thoughts/fantasies of harming others (severely, not as in normal play in BDSM) etc. Or if this is interferring in your normal everyday routine life in any way. Also if you have blank spots in your life - periods of time you are active, when you don't remember what you were doing - like alcoholic black out without the substance abuse of any kind. Also if you keep reliving certain memories over and over and can't get them out of your mind or, if you are aware of having some memory you just can't quite get at completely or at all, which is called repression - something clearly real and not some fantasy situation, as some inexperienced hypnotists do, without meaning to, put such in some F/folks heads - that has happened to me when being treated for incest survival and an abusive childhood, where feminist therapist tried to help me remember my father abusing me, when he did no such thing But they could not accept the possibility my mom verbally and severely physically abused me at times and that the incest was from a trusted neighbor, like familly, via a friend of his. (not said neighbor beat the hell out of him when He found out what His friend had been doing and wanted to do) This is important In my parents time - who both served in the army in WW2 - this was called battle-fatigue and often resulted in the person suffering from it attacking others under the influence of FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real, as in those flashbacks. And it landed more than a few veterans and survivors of other trauma in jail, when it got out of hand. And it can get you in real trouble, if it's troubling you to that extent. But otherwise, continue to channel it for the good of yourself and others, in legal, moral and ethical conduct that would be honorable and while maintaining your own integrity - as you seem to be starting to do already. As Raven Kaldera says or quotes from some other source - it's an ill wind that blows no minds. Remember i/e - intellect over emotions, that's what keeps us human despite our shadow selves. If you can't get there on your own, get help. And again i say to consider hypnotism, in a live one - one environment with a licensed practitioner who also has some counseling training. Blessed be! j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin Edited 12 Aug 08, 1:11 AM by 662-935-655 12 Aug 08, 3:35 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 3 yrs Wolf: May I suggest that you look into actual historical and spiritual warrior codes? Actual warriors were usually sworn to a liege lord, and held to a code of honor. That's what kept them from being mere thugs, and kept the lieges from being nasty fucks who abused the privilege of having warriors. Honestly, one cannot honorably serve a dishonorable master, and it sounds like your last dominant was just that. If you don't want this to happen again, I strongly suggest finding a code of honor and holding to it, and not settling for any future dominant whose code is not as strong or even stronger. You're into martial arts, it shouldn't be hard for you to look into the bushido code if Asian stuff appeals to you. The idea is that you allow yourself to come into the service of a liege because they are that worthy, and if they cease to be so, you can leave. Warriors, especially, should have high standards, because you are vulnerable to being misused ... as you pointed out in the fact that you would have done unlawful and harmful things for your last mistress. If she'd made you do that, you'd be in prison, someone innocent would be on your karma, and she would likely not have given a damn. It sounds like she did not value you very much at all. A warrior should not sell themselves to someone who does not value them. It means that you don't value yourself. I've currently got a warrior in a limited nonsexual service agreement with me (she's a priestess sworn to celibacy and I don't do girls). The relationship of warrior and liege is based on honor and fealty, which is an agreement carefully spelled out with what service is owed on either side. It's the best thing for a warrior, because warriors need good boundaries. I've also found out one thing when it comes to hunting for partners: The Universe gives you what you will settle for. So don't settle. OK, so you've got some damage and that wolf is part of you. You wouldn't believe what the monster in my own basement looks like. Point is that the right dominant for you will understand and value that part of you while also helping you to keep it to appropriate areas and not attempting to turn you into a robot. (A good dominant would also see your devotion to your children as a good thing.) You need to be more than one-dimensional, and the right dominant would help you to do that, neither scorning your wolf side nor letting it run your entire nature. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 12 Aug 08, 4:30 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs ravenkaldera wrote: Wolf: May I suggest that you look into actual historical and spiritual warrior codes? Actual warriors were usually sworn to a liege lord, and held to a code of honor. That's what kept them from being mere thugs, and kept the lieges from being nasty fucks who abused the privilege of having warriors. Honestly, one cannot honorably serve a dishonorable master, and it sounds like your last dominant was just that. If you don't want this to happen again, I strongly suggest finding a code of honor and holding to it, and not settling for any future dominant whose code is not as strong or even stronger. You're into martial arts, it shouldn't be hard for you to look into the bushido code if Asian stuff appeals to you. The idea is that you allow yourself to come into the service of a liege because they are that worthy, and if they cease to be so, you can leave. Warriors, especially, should have high standards, because you are vulnerable to being misused ... as you pointed out in the fact that you would have done unlawful and harmful things for your last mistress. If she'd made you do that, you'd be in prison, someone innocent would be on your karma, and she would likely not have given a damn. It sounds like she did not value you very much at all. A warrior should not sell themselves to someone who does not value them. It means that you don't value yourself. I've currently got a warrior in a limited nonsexual service agreement with me (she's a priestess sworn to celibacy and I don't do girls). The relationship of warrior and liege is based on honor and fealty, which is an agreement carefully spelled out with what service is owed on either side. It's the best thing for a warrior, because warriors need good boundaries. I've also found out one thing when it comes to hunting for partners: The Universe gives you what you will settle for. So don't settle. OK, so you've got some damage and that wolf is part of you. You wouldn't believe what the monster in my own basement looks like. Point is that the right dominant for you will understand and value that part of you while also helping you to keep it to appropriate areas and not attempting to turn you into a robot. (A good dominant would also see your devotion to your children as a good thing.) You need to be more than one-dimensional, and the right dominant would help you to do that, neither scorning your wolf side nor letting it run your entire nature. -Raven Kaldera Just for historical accuracy, i think, and i believe it backs up Your argument here, many medieval and other feudal societies with liege lords without a code of honor were just plain beyond horrible - so yes, it seems You are right that one should choose carefully when choosing a liege Lord in the warrior sense. And it seems to this one that many others could benefit from doing just that with ANY Owner/Master/Mistress, etc.- to make sure they are P/persons of integrity before one makes vows of service of any kind. In my case, i was just blessed with good luck or it is true that the Power/s that Be watch over fools and drunks, even - at the time - a newly sober drunk, because i always jumped into relationships without really knowing my P/partners - and it was a blessing that my late Master was such a Person, One with great integrity who strove to live by a code. Because i had jumped into the relationship - initially a vanilla marriage with Him- just like i had every other relationship before THIS one. Because when W/we met this girl still didn't have the sense to do that, still -i.e. to make sure of what she was getting into this time. SOME Greater Source decided not to let me get into another horror show of a relationship a 4th time. However, now that i know better, i don't expect that kind of blessing from the Universe's Powers or Whatever F/folks may (or may not) think of Them, yet again. i know now i am accountable and responsible for anything i manage to get myself into. Somewhere i've heard it said that alcoholics - active, dry or newly recovering - often don't have relationships, but they take hostages. And my 3 priors, my 3 ex-mates, surely proved that on both sides. Which is why i'm not in a hurry to take up my late Master/s offer that i can S/switch but not serve another. (wistful smile here) i think it must be an awesome responsibility and even sometimes a burden to be an Owner - one i'm not sure i can carry as well as some of the other folks around here who seem to shoulder it so well. i don't respect many P/people, yet i came to respect my Master and i have come to respect M/many on this discussion board. (especially for S/some who can admit when T/they are wrong and apologize - particularly Owners who do that For a long time, i thought only my late Owner did that - and that only He could cry, before coming here i never heard another Owner/Dominant that would admit to tears) Yet that doesn't leave the owned one from the accountability for making sure of the correct choice either - and such a code as You suggest would be a good place to start, one would think. Or at least, so this one would think! j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin Edited 12 Aug 08, 4:33 AM by 662-935-655 12 Aug 08, 5:04 PM tangie US(MI), 6 yrs 516-767-074 wrote: The Heartless Wolf slave. My name is Wolf slave 516-767-074 When you've made a post that others have responded to in such detail and put so much thought into their answers, it's really bad form to then delete that post. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted" Unknown. Next page