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	SD! : Web boards : Practical IE : "Budget and disability - a bar to the lifestyle?" Budget and disability - a bar to the lifestyle? (9) Wed 13 Aug 08, 12:11 PM anjuli UK, 18 mths 662-935-655 wrote: How to start a new topic in other areas i'd like to know how to start a new topic in another area besides this "Help" area. i have something on my mind, a question. i'm not sure where it would go even. When my late Master collared me, W/we were already both seriously disabled and on a limmited income. One of the reasons why W/we didn't do more of the social side of the lifestyle is W/we just couldn't afford it. this also limitted O/our Lifestyle practice not only physically and sexually, but W/we lived in 2 very small apartments during this time where folks could hear everything. Part of how W/we ended up with the woman downstairs stalking both of U/us until W/we had to get a restraining order. She was in the Church He was ordained in and i swear originally joined it because some 100 to 150 years ago they practiced Polygamy and nobody told her it had ceased until after she joined up. She overheard stuff, saw handcuffs, clearly wanted in, yet was still in the whips-and-chains-closet and her secrets made her sick. With her denial thrown in, it made us even sicker than W/we already were with the added stress. So are there any F/folks out there who are also disabled, retired, single moms, unemployed, whatever - who have limitted incomes and maybe live in tiny, not-sound-proofed apartments/flats, and who can only afford events rarely. Also who may not have the means to travel, etc. With the economy the way it is in my country - U.S.A. - and with the cost of heating O/one's home, driving O/one's car, etc. becoming more and more difficult for everyone, also Mortgage foreclosures, unemployment, etc i can't believe this isn't a timely question for many. (esp. as many in O/our way of life aren't getting any younger - although there are TNG groups where many folks are younger, as in "The Next Generation" or simillar groups) W/we did go to alot of munches, but even munches cost the price of the meal and require means to travel - since Master got sick and died, i don't have the latter either, any more than the former- and since i now need a wheel-chair van to go anywhere, i can only go to doctor's appts. as it's 160 USD EACH WAY to anywhere, with so many U.S. cents for each mile added in. My health insurance covers the medical travel, but nothing else. So Master has me more in captivity NOW then when He was alive - and i'm sure He's enjoying watching me deal with it (GRIN) And i admit that, besides the vow to never serve another and trying to live as He'd have me live, is precisely WHY i still consider myself His slave - i'm sure He loves having me captive still and due to His demise. i enjoy this forum because it allows me to participate in my community somewhat. But i'm sure W/we weren't and i am not the only one to face the issues of how one finds other like-minded souls when there is not alot of money, little ability to travel, disabilities and/or age - even impotence- and almost no privacy. My current flat/apartment is cheap, but is definitely NOT sound-proofed and my landlord, an almost fanatical Roman Catholic, lives upstairs. W/we lived here for the last 2 years of the time i was Collared - 4 1/2 years out of a 14 1/2 year Marriage. This is about 1/3 of the reason i don't see myself pursuing the permission He gave me to S/switch while He was alive - i have no idea of how it could happen in these circumstances. These things curtailed alot of our BDSM M/s 24/7 real-time relationships during the last couple of years of Master's life - and i believe the inability to participate in the community or to fully live O/our lifestyle in some aspects due to lack of privacy didn't help any and may have disheartened Him, speeding His illnesses to the point of death in a small part. W/we were really isolated. So i'd like to post somewhere to ask how do F/folks with any or all of these limitations - or perhaps others - deal with them in day-to-day living. Also how the larger community makes this lifestyle available to folks who aren't well off or even comfortable? (Just the "tools of the trade" aren't exactly inexpensive - even books have become costly, although O/one can find some 2d hand tomes, used but in good condition, tomes at Amazon.com in many countries.) So i guess my topic would be "lifestyle on a very limmited budget and circumstances, how to do it" or something like that. And specifically, i'm curious about if there are ever scholarships for lifestyle events to the disabled, seniors, students, etc. Or if there are ways to meet F/folks to car-pool with, etc. If this is out of line, Admin, please feel free to delete the heck out of it - or to move it where it belongs etc. just some thoughts. Hope this is okay papa's own... I think if you wait for admin it might be a while so I have taken the liberty of moving a copy which is the best I can do. I thought it fit best here because it's not from either the submissive or dominant view but both and I think you may get more response here. I couldn't fit the title in so turned it around ... again hope that's okay. anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 13 Aug 08, 3:29 PM 173-682-895 US(NY), 21 mths Master and i both have disabilities, and W/we are on a tight budget. Master is permanently partially disabled. He has a pacemaker, DVT's (blood clots) in His leg, arthritis, and 3 ripped discs in His back. i have arthritis & asthma, and W/we both have some other issues. W/we also have 4 kids, 2 of whom are special needs. W/we live on His disability check, and the small salary i earn as a teaching assistant. With 4 kids to support, times get tough, especially during the summer when i have no paycheck. Fortunately, W/we rent the house from Master's mother, who helps with the house payment when she can. Another plus is that our kids are teenagers, who are fully aware of the lifestyle Master & i have. W/we have never been to a munch or other BDSM related function, although W/we would like to. Having the internet helps a lot, to help U/us feel "connected" to like-minded people. At least W/we now live in a proper house, but until last year W/we lived in apartments that were thin-walled and filled with nosey neighbors. Master & i still do try to keep the noise to a minimum, because the kids don't need graphic reminders of O/our activities! That becomes very difficult when He has that whip out, i can say! i still wonder if the neighbors can hear U/us, their house is only a few feet away from O/our bedroom wall. i guess it comes down to, yes, there ARE other people that have these issues. Creativity is essential. Y/you are never more alive as when Y/you are at risk. Master's ~one~ 13 Aug 08, 6:41 PM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs it's good to know i'm not alone THanks for sharing you're experience with your Master. i had really been feeling like an outsider looking in on this since my Collaring, although nobody said anything exactly. i think it's more my sensitivity to the issues involved than A/anyone else's attitudes. i agree it's a matter of creativity. it strikes me as interesting because in those cultures in which traditional non-consensual slavery still exists, directly or indirectly, many of those folks are not exactly well off either, i'm sure. Some probably have maybe 1 slave to help keep the farm going. And i bet some slaves become slaves because it's the only way to keep food in their families bellies and clothes on the kids and a roof over their head. i know historically slavery wasn't just for the rich or comfortable few, but existed among the masses too. And thanks Anjuli for moving it for me - i don't think i'd figure out how to do it in a million years or so. And i'm sure you're right. i'm sure Admin is busy as all heck all the time. j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin 13 Aug 08, 7:38 PM 173-682-895 US(NY), 21 mths i also wanted to add, W/we get O/our toys from the local adult store, when they have clearance sales! my nemesis (or favorite) whip, the cat o' nine tails, cost U/us $4 USD, and it's real leather. Bargains can be had. i also wanted to commend you, 662-935-655, on your great strength and perseverence after the passing of your beloved Master. As you have said, i know i could never serve another Master if i lost my Master/Husband. i find it comforting to know that life can go on, and i am so touched by your decision to continue to wear your Master's collar & ring. That is true commitment. Hang in there, and if you ever need to talk, message me. you give me hope. Y/you are never more alive as when Y/you are at risk. Master's ~one~ 13 Aug 08, 9:31 PM Mistress_Tiara UK, 2 yrs When it comes to SM & domination creativity to keep things quiet is very handy for lots of reasons. The following are some of the things that can be done quietly and discretely; biting needles cutting/ knives scratching pinching heat abrasion hair pulling CBT gags clamps of various kind etc fucking & sex acts in various forms animal play blindfolds bondage wax medical play electro stimulation crawling verbal humiliations physical humiliations & inspections plugs water sports enemas restrictions deprivations taste issues service clothing related activities application of things that sting etc If you live in shared accomodation/ have children or other family members living with you or have any other factor that inhibits your ability to make noise these sort of things are a good way of doing things even when you have to keep the noise down. A bit of creativity goes a long way (and for many of us is infinitely necessary). *~*Mistress Tiara*~* 14 Aug 08, 1:37 AM Oklahoma_Mike US, 7 mths I am more into the mental aspects, so don't use many toys anymore. When I started and was learning what I liked, I tried many things that ended up not appealing (this is not a criticism of those who love their toys, just a statement that toys aren't that important to my interests). During the time when I was experimenting with toys, I picked up a book called Kinkycrafts that has do it yourself projects for a variety of useful BDSM implements. I only made or had made a couple of them myself, but many look like they would be functional, and reasonably makeable even by all-thumbs people such as myself. Most of them are NOT aesthetically appealing, which will be a strong deterrent to some users (and frankly was a major reason I didn't make more use of the ideas). Kinkycrafts is no longer in print, but there is an updated edition, "21st Century Kinkycrafts". Author is Janet W. Hardy. It is available for $14 from amazon.com here: http://www.amazon.com/21st-Century-Kinkycrafts-J... As for the privacy thing, as a lifelong high-rise apartment dweller myself, I've had to deal with that. Temporarily taping matting or at least corrugated cardboard over vents helps, and if you have an door opening onto a public hall, rolling up a towel and using it to seal the bottom of the door definitely helps. Lining the doorframe with stick on weatherstripping would probably help, though I admit I never did it myself. Playing a television or radio helps, as you probably have already tried. But none of these steps will make a scene involving screaming and begging unnoticeable! Good case for learning to love gags. Probably better to do what I did, and learn to love the service and control side of things! I'm grateful that I have never had to deal with disabilities as you had to. Good luck and sincere good wishes to you and to anyone else in that situation! Mike Edited 14 Aug 08, 1:39 AM by Oklahoma_Mike 14 Aug 08, 1:38 AM MasterJC 5 mths anjuli wrote: Budget and disability - a bar to the lifestyle? 662-935-655 wrote: How to start a new topic in other areas i'd like to know how to start a new topic in another area besides this "Help" area. i have something on my mind, a question. i'm not sure where it would go even. When my late Master collared me, W/we were already both seriously disabled and on a limmited income. One of the reasons why W/we didn't do more of the social side of the lifestyle is W/we just couldn't afford it. this also limitted O/our Lifestyle practice not only physically and sexually, but W/we lived in 2 very small apartments during this time where folks could hear everything. Master has read the slave's love and compassion....Master lost a slave after ten years to colon cancer...it died in my arms...I loved Ken greatly...still think abou it and its voice of....'ooooopppssss slave in trouble now...knowing full well slave Ken WANTED to be in trouble my slave ken died in Master's arms at O/our home in 2003...yes Master misses my slave greatly..but his biggest fear for Master...that Master wouldn't find a slave like it"_"_"_ then the nelly left its Master with 400.00 bucks of parking tickets Master still laughs at that...am remarried to my Robert...which really weird ken worked with in same company..hjeheheheh go figger / W/we both laugh...cause Mastewr doesn't have to explain cause slave R. hear my slave ken bitch about me for a few years What is this Master saying...mmmmm...truth and promise and LIVING life is the reward that all Masters' and slaves" can do for O/our loved ones eh slave....Master was DAMN lucky...and hope the slave is toooo cheers MasterJCR.... Part of how W/we ended up with the woman downstairs stalking both of U/us until W/we had to get a restraining order. She was in the Church He was ordained in and i swear originally joined it because some 100 to 150 years ago they practiced Polygamy and nobody told her it had ceased until after she joined up. She overheard stuff, saw handcuffs, clearly wanted in, yet was still in the whips-and-chains-closet and her secrets made her sick. With her denial thrown in, it made us even sicker than W/we already were with the added stress. So are there any F/folks out there who are also disabled, retired, single moms, unemployed, whatever - who have limitted incomes and maybe live in tiny, not-sound-proofed apartments/flats, and who can only afford events rarely. Also who may not have the means to travel, etc. With the economy the way it is in my country - U.S.A. - and with the cost of heating O/one's home, driving O/one's car, etc. becoming more and more difficult for everyone, also Mortgage foreclosures, unemployment, etc i can't believe this isn't a timely question for many. (esp. as many in O/our way of life aren't getting any younger - although there are TNG groups where many folks are younger, as in "The Next Generation" or simillar groups) W/we did go to alot of munches, but even munches cost the price of the meal and require means to travel - since Master got sick and died, i don't have the latter either, any more than the former- and since i now need a wheel-chair van to go anywhere, i can only go to doctor's appts. as it's 160 USD EACH WAY to anywhere, with so many U.S. cents for each mile added in. My health insurance covers the medical travel, but nothing else. So Master has me more in captivity NOW then when He was alive - and i'm sure He's enjoying watching me deal with it (GRIN) And i admit that, besides the vow to never serve another and trying to live as He'd have me live, is precisely WHY i still consider myself His slave - i'm sure He loves having me captive still and due to His demise. i enjoy this forum because it allows me to participate in my community somewhat. But i'm sure W/we weren't and i am not the only one to face the issues of how one finds other like-minded souls when there is not alot of money, little ability to travel, disabilities and/or age - even impotence- and almost no privacy. My current flat/apartment is cheap, but is definitely NOT sound-proofed and my landlord, an almost fanatical Roman Catholic, lives upstairs. W/we lived here for the last 2 years of the time i was Collared - 4 1/2 years out of a 14 1/2 year Marriage. This is about 1/3 of the reason i don't see myself pursuing the permission He gave me to S/switch while He was alive - i have no idea of how it could happen in these circumstances. These things curtailed alot of our BDSM M/s 24/7 real-time relationships during the last couple of years of Master's life - and i believe the inability to participate in the community or to fully live O/our lifestyle in some aspects due to lack of privacy didn't help any and may have disheartened Him, speeding His illnesses to the point of death in a small part. W/we were really isolated. So i'd like to post somewhere to ask how do F/folks with any or all of these limitations - or perhaps others - deal with them in day-to-day living. Also how the larger community makes this lifestyle available to folks who aren't well off or even comfortable? (Just the "tools of the trade" aren't exactly inexpensive - even books have become costly, although O/one can find some 2d hand tomes, used but in good condition, tomes at Amazon.com in many countries.) So i guess my topic would be "lifestyle on a very limmited budget and circumstances, how to do it" or something like that. And specifically, i'm curious about if there are ever scholarships for lifestyle events to the disabled, seniors, students, etc. Or if there are ways to meet F/folks to car-pool with, etc. If this is out of line, Admin, please feel free to delete the heck out of it - or to move it where it belongs etc. just some thoughts. Hope this is okay papa's own... I think if you wait for admin it might be a while so I have taken the liberty of moving a copy which is the best I can do. I thought it fit best here because it's not from either the submissive or dominant view but both and I think you may get more response here. I couldn't fit the title in so turned it around ... again hope that's okay. anjuli 14 Aug 08, 5:47 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs Thanks to everyone posting - i appreciate the responses. One thing that really drove me crazy is our area has a BDSM flea market just about 45 miles east of here in our state capitol where good bargains could be had; however, Master's heart condition didn't allow Him to handle the stress of driving in that city, which is world-famous for being terrible to drive in. Not only for bargains W/we might find, but i used to get teddy bears and other stuffed animals at the dollar store and "collared" them with Native American type, Crow-sized beads, with the beaded letters sub or slave in the collar. i have one, gave several away. And i had thought of trying to go into business selling these starting at the local flea market to try to help U/us - as it was such a burden to Master - financially in a way that would be off the radar or "under the table". i didn't think i could support myself that way and by making discreet beaded collars with Master/slave written into it or M/s or the Master's name followed by the slaves, etc. But i did think i could help us out a bit, but never really got the chance - and now have no way to get the materials discreetly as i can't get out to shop. So if anyone wants to borrow the idea, go for it. It can be combined with NeoPagan or Shamanism by getting stuffed animals reflecting O/one's totem, to so-collar. But it has fallen by the way-side. i was thinking of trying to start it again by inviting F/folks to select and send me the animals they wanted collared with the colors and/or words they wanted in the collar or in a discreet daily-wear collar, though, as i think i can get the beads on the web; however, i have no clue as to how to start it and don't know how to do the book-keeping, but it's still a dream of mine, as is doing my Tarot readings for F/folks which i used to do to supplement my income in the past, but doing it online. i make no claims, but am told i'm very good - but without Master or Someone to help me with the business management end, i've not yet figured out how to go about doing this or marketing same. But it is a dream and i have been looking into it. (Note - i use crow beads as they are the larger size and i am visually impaired: or i did, lost most of my beads and stuff when we moved almost 3 years back now.) i also have had dreams of writing - and i've had some sci-fi short stories published, but not for cash, at an old web site, don't know if it's there Have contributed many non-fiction articles to Pagan publications in the past, printed, but not for money, and i've wrote a lot of poetry- mostly for Master's eyes only, which He loved i also wrote some excellent life-style stories for His eyes only which He wanted to publish for me on a web-site at His old domain. Sadly i think all of these were lost when the computers went down on the LANS He had set up and the separate machines were reformatted in a different type of Linux or Linux like DOS. This is where i miss Master so, both as my Master and before that as my only true Husband out of all the marriages, as both, He was good at grounding me and helping me actually be somewhat creative - even though i have yet to make money with it, as a disabled person who was getting closer to the state of virtual captivity i'm in since His passing,it gave me something to keep me busy and from being stir-crazy, as well as centered on my spiritual and life-style goals. That is one thing i find of unowned slaves/subs - for me and many i know when W/we don't have a flesh and blood Master, we, or at least i do, seem to lack the practical side of life in one way or another that gets goals DONE. Yikes i'm rambling - i look forward to hearing from O/others on both sides of the D/s or M/s dynamic on these issues. Again, i appreciate those who have posted. (Master had been known to tell me i was so other-worldly or heavenly minded i was no earthly good sometimes - as had my late Father, so even though it p***ed me off no end, i knew it was also very true. The only time i ever felt well-grounded in my physical body was when i was with Him - another thing i really miss with His practicality, directions and insights) i still agree with the bumper stickers one used to see saying "Poverty S***s" - and it's humbling to me to think that compared to some F/folks not only in 3d world countries, but many homeless in our modern Western World, i am comparatively comfortable -- as the Power/S that Be -and the Old Ones, esp. Those WHo have claimed my service at times- have always provided enough for me and Mine,one day at a time. They (It, S/He, Whatever does or does not work for anyone according to T/their choice,) have never let me go hungry or completely homeless - the closest i came was in a women's shelter for 3 days and eating at a soup kitchen at the end of my 1st marriage and just before the start of my (only) other attempt at AA. For this i am most grateful. and extremely so! j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin 15 Aug 08, 1:46 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs Oklahoma_Mike wrote: I am more into the mental aspects, so don't use many toys anymore. When I started and was learning what I liked, I tried many things that ended up not appealing (this is not a criticism of those who love their toys, just a statement that toys aren't that important to my interests). During the time when I was experimenting with toys, I picked up a book called Kinkycrafts that has do it yourself projects for a variety of useful BDSM implements. I only made or had made a couple of them myself, but many look like they would be functional, and reasonably makeable even by all-thumbs people such as myself. Most of them are NOT aesthetically appealing, which will be a strong deterrent to some users (and frankly was a major reason I didn't make more use of the ideas). Kinkycrafts is no longer in print, but there is an updated edition, "21st Century Kinkycrafts". Author is Janet W. Hardy. It is available for $14 from amazon.com here: http://www.amazon.com/21st-Century-Kinkycrafts-J... As for the privacy thing, as a lifelong high-rise apartment dweller myself, I've had to deal with that. Temporarily taping matting or at least corrugated cardboard over vents helps, and if you have an door opening onto a public hall, rolling up a towel and using it to seal the bottom of the door definitely helps. Lining the doorframe with stick on weatherstripping would probably help, though I admit I never did it myself. Playing a television or radio helps, as you probably have already tried. But none of these steps will make a scene involving screaming and begging unnoticeable! Good case for learning to love gags. Probably better to do what I did, and learn to love the service and control side of things! I'm grateful that I have never had to deal with disabilities as you had to. Good luck and sincere good wishes to you and to anyone else in that situation! Thanks for the URL - i'll look at it, but being severely visually challenged, i e "legally" not completely "blind" i don't know how much i'd be able to do. But i do wish Master had lived to know of this, He would have loved it - He made one flogger of O/ours out of i forget what for a handle and triple-braided string. (it hurt so good, as the song says - just right) today has been tough as it's precisely 9 mos. to the day, about this time in the evening O/our time, that He died. i woke up with 2 horrid nightmares in the very early a.m as the result of this - taking dreams seriously i even wondered if He was telling me He was angry with me or abandoning me. then a few hours later at the doctor's office i realized consciously what the date was - i have a feeling my unconscious knew right along. This has not happened in prior mos. so i was totally unprepared for it. Today definitely was NOT my best day. with my spiritual and ecclectic path, i should have expected it as to me 9 is the number of dreams, illusions, delusions, the psychic, the psycho, and both the dark and light sideso of the moon. YIKES! P.S. to the Owner who lost His slave - Master JC - i was with my late Father, not "Papa" Lou although W/we did do age play, i mean my real genetic father, as He died, worked with folks with HIV when there were no anti-viral cocktails prolonging life and had my familiar and favorite cat, i believe a re-incarnation of another, just-as favorite cat, die in my arms. She was smarter than some of the H/human B/beings i've known - esp. some of those in my inner city, gang ridden, troubled by drugs, area. i have never forgiven myself that with my disability- You may not believe this if You've ever been to my state in th U.S. but They, theoretically at least, do not let "blind" folks drive -i could not get to Master's side until 5 minutes - 5 F***ing minutes- too late to be with Him as He passed on, but i suspect He knew on some level with Him i might just not handle it and stay sane. It is the one huge regret i have about O/our time together on this planet, this time, as Master/slave as far as our relationship went. i am sure - pretty much - that with His easy-going, gentle Dom style He forgives me, i'm just not sure when i'm going to forgive me for that. My heart goes out to You on your loss also. i didnt know same sex marriages were legal in Canada - i am proud to live in the first state in the US to have same sex marriages and to have fought for that. W/we are now extending that privilege to folks outside our borders - and California is doing the same now. Thanks for Your kind words and kinder thoughts sent my way. i will be sending You a memo with a query about something in Your profile that i might be able to help You with, perhaps. (Something caught my eye) j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin Edited 15 Aug 08, 2:06 AM by 662-935-655 19 Nov 08, 3:36 PM 682-645-503 UK, 2 mths girl has just been reading through some of the boards and noticed this thread... W/we live on the other side of the pond, and have also noticed that finances make a really big difference to being able to go out to munches..and buy toys.. not to mention the stress of trying to make ends meet, invariably puts a damper on any feelings/lusts of either or both parties. As for disabilities luckily Master and i aren't that badly affected, girl has asthma (so we have plans put into place in-case of emergencies) and Master has a really bad back, and has had 2 knee operations (one on each leg), this can make some of the more physical side of things difficult to implement.. not to mention how hard it is for Him to get ..erm.."feelings" going when in massive pain. (Him not being a masochist).. Master has a brilliantly wicked mind, and is constantly thinking up ways to make toys (floggers, cats, nipple torture toys, gags, ect) although they are practical, they won't exactly win any design awards.. so in that context we can make things work. At the moment we are both living in a one bedroom flat, with neighbours on both sides, and below.. as for keeping quiet, we were frequently recieving notes through the letter box from the extremely catholic family next door, saying that they were praying for our redemption..(we guessed at that point that even using a gag or putting some thrash music on couldnt hide the crack of the flogger, and the screams/moans). but life is hard.. with the current financial climate, meaning theres more month than money, playing and a general BDSM relationship can take a few knocks. girl would like to offer to A/all that would be willing to accept them some goodwill vibes, and her sincere hope that E/everyone will be able to make their lifestyle work as best as they can. Property of Master Nid, girl is slave - her purpose is to please and be pleasing.