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	SD! : Web boards : Practical IE : "Children and Age Differences" Children and Age Differences (10) Tue 19 Aug 08, 7:44 PM 938-058-354 US(MO), 8 mths  so i had a quick question for the masses. for those of you in a 24/7 D/s or M/s relationship with a large age gap Sir and i need your advice. you see we both have children from previous relationships. with Him being older his children are naturally older than my child. however this is wear the concern arises. his oldest daughter is close in age to me, only 3 years difference. so our question is how do you handle a situation like this gracefully without causing stress on all the children especially the oldest who may feel a little threatened by having her father be with a woman that is old enough to be her sister? what kind of steps should we take to introduce me into their lives (when the time comes of course, because we aren't rushing anything and want to fully take our time in develping the right foundation for this relationship). how did you guys that are in our situation (or not) handle this? 19 Aug 08, 11:39 PM EilisMoonfire US(WA), 7 mths  I'm not personally in a relationship with a big age gap, but I do know someone who is and they are in a D/s relationship. He doesn't have children but her oldest son is the same age as her sub. Her son and sub are like best friends now and refer to each other as brothers (which allow the rest of us to make some horrendous incest jokes). I can get some more information from them on this topic at a later date (they're busy moving right now) and relay it to you. Of course there is the chance that they might have just gotten lucky. I dunno. But then realize, also that no matter the age difference most new parent/siblings/people coming into your life you didn't choose to be there always causes some resistance, and it's probably best not to take said resistance personally. That's the advice I have right now. Hopefully I can get more soon. eilis One day soon Master will come home and this slave will be whole again. 20 Aug 08, 12:43 AM 597-866-048 US(CA), 9 mths  well first off from what i take from your post is that you both are still in the getting comfortable with each other stage, so relax enjoy this time as you said you were not in a great rush. a personal preference for myself is older for me... but for you this pre-aquainted time you yourself will find out if this is the ONE for you. If this does work to both of your benefit.... Then take getting to know the children just in the same manner....Slowly. Maybe when you might go to visit for the first time, stay in a hotel and get to know one another better D/s in person first before involving children..then once you both know a bit better it will be the fit you are looking for on the second visit stay again in a hotel and as a unit go to dinner or some type of outing..introducing yourself letting them get to know you a little at a time. Another thing is... that they are children and your age does not have to be revealed to them at least not right from the start. It is the job of the parent to divulge this information at the appropriate time. Mainly i believe that you do not have to meet them right away especially not until you are very sure this will be something permanent first. Good luck 20 Aug 08, 5:48 PM Thumper_Eternal US(ID), 6 mths  I started my relationship with my slave earlier last year in August. I am at least half her age she too has children in my age bracket. I found in this style of relationship that it's best to be honest and up front. Yes! There were problems in the beginning with the other children. However in time they have began to accept the relationship. See I knew them prior to this situation. Now they understand that I am with their mother. And I will always care deeply for her beyond any words. I am part of the family and Loving them all as I do my own daughter. This is just a thing that takes time not just in a relationship between a Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship but any relationship that involves such an age gap.This is how I feel in most any relationship involving children on both or either side. As long as they're assured that you are not there to replace or take the position of the missing parent or guardian in mind it should work out well in time. I wish you luck in all your indevoures. Thumper!! 20 Aug 08, 7:23 PM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs  Thumper_Eternal wrote: I started my relationship with my slave earlier last year in August. I am at least half her age she too has children in my age bracket. I found in this style of relationship that it's best to be honest and up front. Yes! There were problems in the beginning with the other children. However in time they have began to accept the relationship. See I knew them prior to this situation. Now they understand that I am with their mother. And I will always care deeply for her beyond any words. I am part of the family and Loving them all as I do my own daughter. This is just a thing that takes time not just in a relationship between a Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship but any relationship that involves such an age gap.This is how I feel in most any relationship involving children on both or either side. As long as they're assured that you are not there to replace or take the position of the missing parent or guardian in mind it should work out well in time. I wish you luck in all your indevoures. Thumper!! i agree with this - and i'd add that to my mind, it's no more the kids business, than it is the parent's business whom the kids date, hook up with and even marry after they turn of legal age - 18 or 21 depending on the area Y/you're in. some kids can have just as much trouble letting go of T/their parents as parents do letting T/their kids live T/their own life - and often for the same well-meaning reasons of concern. But, ultimately, if the kids are happy then the Parents should be happy for T/them- and the reverse would seem also to be true, if the P/parents are happy, the kids should just be happy for them. Of course i can see it in the case where S/someone seems to be a gold-digger looking for a sugar-daddy or even mommy. i can also see it if the kids think T/their P/parents may have gone senile and/or may mistake lifestyle for abuse - that is valid concern - one which needs to be addressed. But i do think that the party posting to the OP saying to slow it down, try it in a motel or at lifestyle events before bringing the kids into it has a good idea. There was a time when most widows and what divorced persons were around waited a year or 2 after the end of a relationship to get re-commited to A/another S/significant O/other and then had engagements of at least a year. i think that is a darned good idea whose time has come again - just as fashions in clothes seem to recycle every 20 - 39 years. P/people jump in and out of relationships of ALL kinds with just too much baggage and i can see why either P/parents OR K/kids - perhaps both - can get concerned about S/someone running off half-crazed from one relationship or any kind to jump into another. As the 59th St. Bridge Song in classic rock says 'slow down Y/you're moving too fast, Y/you've got to make the morning last and kicking down the cobblestones..... feeling groovy" i think they have a good point there. i wasn't even widowed 6 mos. when would-be Owners started crawling out of the walls into my in-box of my email and my memo section here, offering to be my Owner, sight unseen, and immediately. i was offended at the time, but now find such offers flattering and slightly funny, but still say no - even if i hadn't promised Master never to serve another, which is in my profile if S/such had read it before propositioning me - it's just too damned soon and i think very disrespectful to my former Owner as well as to me, i.e. not even giving me space to grieve properly at all. No breathing room. i know it's a newer and faster world these days, but from what i see it's also a world in which alot of F/folks are getting hurt by that - and i admit i'm the pot calling the kettle black so to speak, as i did jump into my relationship with Master rather quickly to put it mildly - but that also contributed to huge problems including a 14 mo. separation in O/our vanilla, pre-collaring, days of the first 10 years of the marriage. it didn't have to be that complicated but it took 10 years to learn to communicate and to realize W/we both were really commited - after 3 ex-mates each before this, W/we had reason to doubt. So i fully agree with the idea of slowing down before bringing kids into it. But then i'm biased on this, i admit it and i do know some LD relationships on occasion work out. and please forgive typos - besides regular severe visual challenges and keyboard problems, that i keep because Master gave me this keyboard as one of His last gifts to me, i also am typing in the dark. My overhead flourescent lights built into the ceiling have burned out and i must get someone - maybe from the Church He was ordained in - to measure it, get new bulbs and install them. OH BOTHER said Poo, - and i do mean Poo bear as in "Winnie the...." etc. i also mean Poo as in oh crap! (GRIN) Again i hope those who disagree that W/we can remember to disagree without being disagreeable. And not only was i in age-play with "Papa" L but i was 10 years 10 mos. and 2 days younger than Him - so His oldest son, the one who did not come to the funeral but for other reasons i think - is not that much younger than me either, although i never have met Him seeing Master had serious estrangements with all His kids due to the crappy prior divorces and had not seen any of them for 24 years before - 10 years before our marriage. And i was more shocked that 6 showed up at the funeral, 1 of these at the hospital although too late as He was in a coma, than i was that 1 did NOT show up - i wasn't expecting any and was pleasantly surprised that they did come at all. j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin Edited 20 Aug 08, 7:28 PM by 662-935-655 21 Aug 08, 3:38 AM slave_emma US(OK), 2 yrs  My Master has three daughters. One is a year younger than me, one is a year older, and one is in grade school. I don't have any children of my own. I met the one in grade school first and I spent a lot of time with her. A child doesn't see age like an adult does so for her my youth wasn't an issue. When my Master first started speaking to His older daughters about me; He spoke about how special the person is that He is seeing and how He is truly happy. My Master's older daughters were swayed in my favor by the amount of time I spend with their little sister and all the special things I do for her like hand making her Halloween costumes as well as, taking care of their father. I don't refer to myself as the step-mom to my Master's older daughters. I am their father's wife. I make no attempt to parent them or give them words of wisdom. I try to be their friend. I do refer to myself as step-mom to my Master's younger daughter and that is because I am taking an active roll in raising her. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 21 Aug 08, 5:26 PM 976-188-983 US(ID), 7 mths  Thumper_Eternal wrote: I started my relationship with my slave earlier last year in August. I am at least half her age she too has children in my age bracket. I found in this style of relationship that it's best to be honest and up front. Yes! There were problems in the beginning with the other children. However in time they have began to accept the relationship. See I knew them prior to this situation. Now they understand that I am with their mother. And I will always care deeply for her beyond any words. I am part of the family and Loving them all as I do my own daughter. This is just a thing that takes time not just in a relationship between a Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship but any relationship that involves such an age gap.This is how I feel in most any relationship involving children on both or either side. As long as they're assured that you are not there to replace or take the position of the missing parent or guardian in mind it should work out well in time. I wish you luck in all your indevoures. Thumper!! Hi, I am Thumper's slave, I haven't done an official introduction and now that he knows I will probably get a lecture and told to do one. Anywho, things do have a way of working out. I suppose depending on the situation, doing a long-term introduction of the new partner is a good thing and can really smooth the waters with the older children. In our situation though, Sir was right, complete honesty was the best way to go since I am still married to my children's father. My children age from 22 to 16 and all four of them saw Sir as a threat to the love between me and my husband, especially the youngest, but for the most part they have come to the realization that this is not the case and are slowly coming around and accept Sir as a permanent fixture of the house and my life. We are also under the thought that we (Sir, I and my husband) are all adults and have the right to do as we choose to as my three oldest who are all over 18 are free to do as they choose. My children have expressed their happiness for me which is all that I have asked or expected. Don't always expect or demand acceptance, you can't always have that, even children are human with ideals of their own. Keep working on a relationship with the children but don't force it. If something makes the kids uncomfortable try to change the situation so that you still get what you need but so do the children. It will work out eventually. In Service and In Love 21 Aug 08, 7:53 PM MissPhay UK, 18 mths  my Master and i also had to deal with a similar issue to this at one time. He has four children and the eldest is 4 years younger than me. i found that the older two children always had a problem, but i'm not sure if that was based around the age gap between their father and i, or that there wasn't a huge age gap between them and i, but ultimately as a result they fought me at pretty much every turn and never really accepted me. The smaller children were far more amenable, perhaps because smaller children see the world differently, or maybe because there was a more sizeable age gap, i don't know. Either way the older children never got used to the fact that i was there, so sometimes it doesn't always go the way you want it to. i think it depends on the children as people as well as if the other parent (if they're around) is coercing them or trying to sway the childrens opinions to match theirs. As it turned out, my Master does not see His children anymore, albeit not just for that reason alone. i can't say i think think it helped the situation though. Not meaning to put a rather sombre tone on the discussion, just thought i'd add my experience Good Luck *~ phay ~* ~ Always Daddy's Girl ~ Edited 26 Aug 08, 3:27 PM by MissPhay 27 Sep 08, 1:16 PM 581-347-553 UK, 2 mths  I think you could use your age as a strength... if you are a similiar age there is always a potential to develop a strong relationship... similiar interests and so forth... but it would need an effort of time and investment... I would also make sure that the kids have plenty of time alone with their dad too, so they don't feel like they have been exchanged for someone else... I find it a nightmare that my dad will never do anything without stepmom in tow, it annoys and irritates me, me and my owner aren't joined at the hip... yet it is like my dad needs her as a life support machine sure you'll go ok, but why not take them shopping or to do something fun that they'll enjoy? 27 Sep 08, 7:47 PM Miss_Becky 4 mths  My new husband (who is also my submissive) is 42. I am 24. He has four children, all boys, from ages 7 to 17. His eldest son is my younger brother's age. So, it sounds like our situations are similar. My husband was very concerned about me meeting his children... and it was very clear from the beginning that if his kids and I didn't "click" there wasn't going to be any future for the two of us... quite understandably. I started meeting his children in small steps. If he was collecting them from a friends, he would stop by my house for a cup of tea and bring his children in. Another time he invited me to buy groceries with them. Then he had me take a couple of them to the shopping mall for things they needed to buy. From the beginning, I set out to prove to the children than I wasn't their competition... (i.e., they wouldn't have to compete with me for their father's attention). I then wanted to show them that they could trust me (which I did through having conversations with them... I got them to open up to me and didn't betray their trust by telling their father about the conversations we had)... I also wanted to show them that I wasn't there to take over and to be in charge... but that I was going to be a certain authority figure (this was tricky... but I befriended them... gave them advice and guidance and gradually the acceptance of my authority came from all of the boys. Luckily my husband has fantastic children... they rarely bicker... they aren't "wild"... they have a healthy respect for their father and I think to some degree, all of them were delighted to finally see him happy (I was a good influence on his character... their house was very tense before I moved in... there was a lot of fighting between my husband and his ex-partner). A lot of the groundwork was laid by my husband and I built upon that. It's up to him to be as honest as he can with his children because that's what they deserve. Whereas your older partner is your Master, there obviously won't be any problem of you coming into the children's lives as a hostile, aggressive authority figure. You need to be extremely patient and mature... given that one of his daughters is nearly your age, you have to be able to empathise with her position... you need to understand where she's coming from if at first she doesn't take to you... try to talk to her... and answer her questions openly and honestly... don't treat her like a child, but as more of a friend... someone nearly on the same level as yourself... (but you also can't let her overstep her mark, and any problems that arise need to be told to your Master immediately if you feel you are in over your head or have been backed into a corner). I'm assuming that keeping your lifestyle from them will be somewhat of a necessity? It shouldn't be that difficult... I had previously asked for advice on how to maintain a D/s relationship even when children are involved and received excellent advice... (your Master should be able to cope with this as he is the one who is in charge of you... you are his property and he needs to look after you just as he looks after his daughters). It just takes a lot of patience, but you'll get there in the end if you persevere. The strongest and most effective force in guaranteeing the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated, but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination. 11 Oct 08, 8:25 PM 929-384-578 UK, 5 mths  My first LTR in this lifestyle was with a Mistress age 43 when i was only 17, her children were all older then me. Lucky never got to the stage of her children knowing, imaging that convosation lol