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	SD! : Web boards : Submission : "why isn't it enouph?" 1 2 why isn't it enouph? (11) Tue 19 Aug 08, 8:28 PM sclavus_princess US, 7 mths i am having a self confidance melt down, i suppose previously i gained my feelings of worth from a myriad of sources such as a large group of friends, work, and just the passing glances of approval from anyone, anywhere. Since entering into a 24/7 relationship w/ my Master, i have lost all of that, it wasn't concious decisions that did that but happened none the less. i am not working, rarely see or evan talk to any of my friends and have develpoed a phobia of being out in public w/ out Master. i have read and posted on similiar subjects but, i guess my question to anyone w/ a opinion or insight is, should my relationship w/ my Master be enouph to gain all my self worth from and is it evan fair to Him to have such a great responsibility as that. i guess i also need to give just a touch of background.A big reason that many of my friendships were given up were because they were either destructive or counter productive to my relationship w/ my Master..and some were disolved due to the fact, that most of my good friends are swingers and Master does not understand that we aren't always "playing" but i suppose that it 's niether here nor there and getting off the subject. i could probally write alot more but don't want to subject Y/you all to that much self pity and self indulgence, so i will end before i muddy the water further. 19 Aug 08, 9:34 PM Timesamyth US(AK), 6 mths You answered your own question; There isn't enough social interaction going on in your life. If you're unhappy,even with your master, than obviously something needs to be changed. All human beings have the same need you do. The real question is, what are YOU going to do to improve your social situation? "A woman who does not become the slave of just one man becomes the slave of all men." - Jose Bergamin 19 Aug 08, 9:41 PM 000-810-743 US, 4 yrs Hello, sclavus princess; Before trying to help, i'm going to give off the usual disclaimer: Talk to your Master about this. No one here will be able to decide what is enough for you, or too much for your Master, than he and you. Perhaps together he and you could come up with some social building exercises, groups to join (both 'nilla and kink). i do not advocate encouraging agoraphobia in a slave, especially one with low esteem and/or self worth. While i have experienced the dissolving of many previous friendships shortly after being collared (for self-harm or unhealthy influences) Sir was careful to replace my previous support structure with a healthier, more trustworthy scaffolding to rest on. While i have heard of Masters/Owners using agoraphobia as a useful tool in further enslaving a slave, i can't stand behind it - as a woman who battled it for years, i don't think it is healthy way to achieve the goal of IE. That is just me. Swingers can be a hard group of people to understand, especially if the person trying to understand is entirely monogamous. i can understand his trepidation. i know i mean nothing but a whisper in the wind, but Sir allows me to be friends with a couple that is well-known in their swinging tastes. They are also D/s. Sir has actually become good friends with the D of the relationship. Swingers aren't really over-sexed...they can and do maintain platonic relationships. What is it about the people he doesn't trust is a good thing to know. If Sir were to say i could not be friends with any swingers i know, i'd wonder if He didn't trust me to stay true to Him. As for gaining self-esteem from your Master, bad idea, IMHO. Selfworth comes from within. May i suggest that if your Master feels you are a person worth owning, you look inside and try to figure out why you want to disagree with him on such a beautiful point. At this point, i strongly suggest counseling. Non-kink general self-esteem work alone, and kink-aware couples for Him and you. i really hope this helps you, and please hang in there!! slave tora, devoted to Sir N 19 Aug 08, 10:16 PM 315-076-759 UK, 7 mths Hi Sclavus Princess First, never under-sell your self. It takes a bold step to become a slave 24/7 and yes some of your past friends have moved on. Perhaps Master is amenable to taking you out places? Get you to meet people. If nothing else there is this network of people who care even if very few if any of us have met in real time. I can't offer much practical advice except never give in. Everyone is precious to someone. To be a true slave is to be truly free Slave/Sklavos 19 Aug 08, 11:05 PM sclavus_princess US, 7 mths First off thanx for taking the time to offer insights. i do realize steps such as basic couseling is definately part of the solution, and U/us making real life friends in the lifestyle would help greatly, but sometimes that is hard to do. W/we do socialize occasionaly w/ a few others, but obviously not enouph to help. i don't believe Master has purposely alienated me from my friends to further enslave me although it has worked out that way. As for the reasons He does not wish me to socialize w/ swinger friends is mostly due to, that in most swinger circles, the female is always viewed as most important to please, therefore crushing my mindset of submission. He is not against playing w/ others but only if they are in a M/s or D/s relationship.Oh and there is usually, atleast w/ my friends was alot of "partying" involved w/ swinging and Master has expressed that He is fearfull for my safety, and i agree but to this end, it still nonetheless leaves me feeling a bit lonely. i have begun to discuss this issue w/ Master, but somehow i feel like the way i worded it to Him sounded hurtful and as if, i just didn't feel like He was enouph to make me feel happy ( i need to add that in O/our relationship W/we feel both of O/our happiness is inportant, not just His)...i tried to make it clear that this was no fault of His but it just came out sounding self-centered or something. He has not expressed this but, i do know how He thinks so i am pretty sure that i am right. i am waiting for Him to get home from work and know it will be a exhausting discussion...i know it's a nesacary evil to try to figure out together possible solutions, as i said in my OP it has become a meltdown, and affecting all sorts of areas of O/our lives. 20 Aug 08, 2:45 AM masterfiremaam US(AZ), 2 yrs By building your sense of self worth on things outside you, you've built your house on sand...in an earthquake zone. As soon as the outside crumbles, so do you, as you've seen. In order to change this, you need to start doing some self development and build you sense of self worth internally. You are worthy simply because you exist. Its that simple...and that hard. An interesting book that comes to mind is "What to say when you talk to yourself." It's a book about creating effective affirmations and why, if you use them correctly, they work. http://www.amazon.com/What-Say-When-Talk-Yoursel... Master Fire ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh Hai! Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 20 Aug 08, 4:29 AM little_linnet US, 3 yrs 315-076-759 wrote: It takes a bold step to become a slave 24/7 and yes some of your past friends have moved on. I don't think it's at all appropriate for you to be giving advice here. I would hate to see the advice of a married-and-cheating man taken as if it were relevant to enslavement. There's a long-distance relationship board here, please use it. Krista I may be a blowzy, slovenly slattern, but how can you be drab when you've used a bedazzler to make rainbows all over your blue jeans? (For the record, this makes them more gay, but possibly less feminist.) 20 Aug 08, 9:38 PM 315-076-759 UK, 7 mths little_linnet wrote: ....I would hate to see the advice of a married-and-cheating man taken as if it were relevant to enslavement. Krista I would advise you to make sure of your facts before making such slanderous remarks. I am indeed married and said wife is fully aware of the situation. LDR it is for now and everyone knows. To be a true slave is to be truly free Slave/Sklavos 20 Aug 08, 10:53 PM little_linnet US, 3 yrs I don't think you know what slander is, but I specifically asked you on your Athenian thread whether you were cheating and you didn't disclaim it. In any case, I'll change what I said: I would hate to see the advice of a man in a long distance relationship maintaining a vanilla marriage and family taken as if it were relevant to enslavement. Sorry 'bout that. Krista I may be a blowzy, slovenly slattern, but how can you be drab when you've used a bedazzler to make rainbows all over your blue jeans? (For the record, this makes them more gay, but possibly less feminist.) 21 Aug 08, 8:46 AM 315-076-759 UK, 7 mths Ok. I'll take your point. Apology accepted. To be a true slave is to be truly free Slave/Sklavos 23 Aug 08, 3:44 AM Sir4Ryco 2 yrs Hi All, For the OP, A frank talk with your owner is a good place to start, and then I think that you need to find some friends and that you need to start going out with them. The counselling suggestion might not be a bad idea but finding a therapist who won't attack BDSM won't be easy. The problem could be something as simple as the fact that you don't recognize how he compliments you and this is making you feel less sure in your slavery. This lack of sureness (low self-esteem) has led you to crave older sources of the required positive re-enforcement. While I'm not sure if most would agree I believe that a well established 24/7 M/s relationship is a relationship of co-dependance. It is within the M/s relationship itself (sub-sub-sub-society) that masters and slaves feel the most free so it's a natural thing that we would lean out our friends so that we can spend more time with our significant other. I actually have to (with the notable exception of shopping) force my slave out the door because she wants to immerse herself in the mommy/slave parts of her life . . . it's where she feels the most rewarded. Where do you feel the most rewarded? I'd like to apologizes to the OP for going off topic and joining in the developing sub-theme. For 315-076-759, First I'd like to say that I feel a little bit sorry for you. You're a man who left his wife of 30 years behind so that he could go on a fantasy holiday and when he came back to his own life decided to stay in the fantasy role from a play session. I know that you live with your wife and that she, "treats you [sic.] like a slave" but you have said nothing to indicate the same level of loyalty towards your actual wife that you show towards your imaginary mistress. You are choosing a fantasy role to gain fulfilment when real life, and a wife who is probably expressing her grief as anger, is sitting right before you. You lack many essential slave traits and if you were an actual 24/7 slave few owners would want to keep you. Your treatment of your wife (who knows that her husband of 30 years would rather self-actualize in a fantasy) is abysmally disloyal and shows me that you aren't an empathetic slave but one who is instead selfish and ego-centric (after all her pain and anger have you at their core). While I'm not one hundred percent certain I would assume that you were married before friends and family, and that you took an oath of marriage in front of some type of dignitary (priest or justice of the peace). I'm also fairly certain that your oath would have contained lines like: 'I shall hold no other before you', 'in sickness and in health', and 'until death do us part'. In other words an oath of lifetime commitment and love towards another's happiness and physical well being. How you talk about your wife and how you talk about your mistress differs and it is apparent that you are putting your fantasy relationship ahead of your real relationship. In other words you are breaking the covenant of marriage which you swore to your wife 30 odd years ago. This makes you an oath breaker and a liar. In real 24/7 M/s relationships it is the slave's honour that allows the relationship to flourish . . . a slave's oath/covenant, the one which starts the process of consensual non-consent, has no value if they are a proven oath breaker. Trusting you as an owner would always require a leap of faith onto uncertain ground . . . any owner would have to ask, "Will he break this covenant as well?" I'm in agreement with Krista and believe that you should post on the board where you have actual experience . . . the long distance relationship section. It will also prevent those who are new to actual 24/7 slavery from mistaking you for something you're not and cause them to give more weight to your opinion than it is actually due or, God forbid, use you as a moral yard stick. Sir4Ryco Edited 24 Aug 08, 6:48 AM by Sir4Ryco Next page