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	SD! : Web boards : Poly D/s : "any Ideas?" 1 2 any Ideas? (18) 26 Sep 08, 11:28 AM anjuli UK, 18 mths Monti1342 wrote: I do enjoy the responses you have got in response to you inquiry my dear. The thing people need to know is that I have know intention of letting you go. You complete me as most Masters/Mistresses will know, you are the deciding factor in a relation of this magnitude. It fulfills us on a deeper level than any person of a vanilla aspect could hope to. The situation is complicated and you have my permission to post freely as you well know. None shall replace you as it has taken so long just to find one of your caliber. The things you worry about are valid, but shall not be yours to worry about. You are sheltered under my loving yet firm hand and need not worry about abandonment unless by your own undoing. Yours truly, Master Monti Take the advice as you will. I wish to see you grow stronger and more complete with yourself. I'm sorry, I know this is very personal but... is this what you tell your vanilla partner? I would guess not and I would guess that your sub will know that too if she thinks about it for just one moment. Then again, if it is what you've said to her, that would explain her 'hatred' of your sub? Now you may be an honourable and reasonable man who's just inexperienced in handling a poly relationship or run into a terribly difficult situation. There are assuredly many many things we do not, and should not, know about your lives together. But I hope to heaven that this is just the public face to your answer and that you are doing more than your post suggests. The advice that your s should learn from your behaviour and how you act towards others rather than what you say still stands. Abandoning your vanilla partner (who apparently you have begun a relationship with only a few months before you took on your slave) because she doesn't like the poly or D/s relationship you wish to have... says something about you. ...You didn't think, you didn't plan, you do not see your duty or responsibility or honour in the matter, you are putting your desire for your sub before your prior relationship and commitments...? any of those sorts of things are possibilities. Your sub WILL learn as she watches you deal with this issue. It will tell her a great deal about how you might deal with her one day if things don't go smoothly or how you wish them to. Perhaps you made a genuine mistake. Perhaps you are learning too? (There's really nothing wrong or shameful about that - Masters are not gods, they're not perfect and the sooner we realise the better or we set them up to fail.) But I hope sincerely that you realise that just changing the faces won't make poly any easier. You do need to analyse and see where you went wrong and why it didn't work so that you can get it right next time. Being in charge doesn't make it easier - it makes the burden heavier on you - so adding another who will join the dynamic as well as the poly family is not the easy answer it might appear to be either. I'm sorry it's so personal - commenting on people's lives like this feels so intrusive at times. It's hard to avoid it looking like an attack when this sort of thread arises and I wish I could make it softer but either way I hope it's thought provoking and that the bluntness doesn't cause you to reject the content. Good luck anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 26 Sep 08, 1:09 PM Mistress_Tiara UK, 2 yrs Monti1342 wrote: I do enjoy the responses you have got in response to you inquiry my dear. The thing people need to know is that I have know intention of letting you go. You complete me as most Masters/Mistresses will know, you are the deciding factor in a relation of this magnitude. It fulfills us on a deeper level than any person of a vanilla aspect could hope to. The situation is complicated and you have my permission to post freely as you well know. None shall replace you as it has taken so long just to find one of your caliber. The things you worry about are valid, but shall not be yours to worry about. You are sheltered under my loving yet firm hand and need not worry about abandonment unless by your own undoing. Yours truly, Master Monti Take the advice as you will. I wish to see you grow stronger and more complete with yourself. First I will point out that your profile says you have 'been a Dom for over a decade'. You are also listed as being a professional Dominant. You say your slave is 'sheltered under your loving yet firm hand' etc but you are not sheltering her from the understandable antipathy she faces from your girlfriend, even though you say the girlfriend doesn't fulfil you as she's vanilla. As Anjuli's pointed out shows anything but a well thought out serious commmitment to either of these women. Then there is the variable fo where this 'professional' domination comes in - how does your vanilla girlfriend feel about that? If she doesn't like you having a slave then how does she feel about this 'professional' work you apparently undertake. Presumably you told her that you have 'been a Dom for over a decade' - after all, after your vast experience you wouldn't have wanted to mislead or play anyone would you? *~*Mistress Tiara*~* Edited 26 Sep 08, 1:19 PM by Mistress_Tiara 26 Sep 08, 1:18 PM Authority UK, 4 yrs Y! People here are so kind and thoughtful and are giving you fabulous advice - it's amazing how unjudgemental you, and how prepared to make allowances for this man's inexperience. Very encouraging for those of us who are still looking for our one. I wonder though how this man can be taking his responsibilities and aspirations seriously enough if he's started a vanilla relationship seriously. If you want an M/s relationship - if that's what you feel inside you - then why would you enter into a vanilla relationship? It doesn't make sense. I know I wouldn't - or if by some mad thunderbolt of love that happened, it'd make me question my feelings about wanting a slave. I certainly wouldn't go collaring another woman within months, let alone thinking about bringing in a second slave. This all seems too much, too soon, a bit incoherent and ill-advised. 26 Sep 08, 1:21 PM Mistress_Tiara UK, 2 yrs Authority wrote: People here are so kind and thoughtful and are giving you fabulous advice - it's amazing how unjudgemental you, and how prepared to make allowances for this man's inexperience. But he is claiming to have ten years experience and be a professional dominant. Sigh. *~*Mistress Tiara*~* 26 Sep 08, 1:29 PM Andrin DE, 4 mths May I web some prejudices into the bouquet? Monti says he is Italian, so most likely with a nice background of mediterranean machismo. Which will make him unable to receive advice from anjuli, Mistress Tiara and all others. The only way to go is to speak to his mother. She will tell him off Sir Andrin Edited 26 Sep 08, 1:30 PM by Andrin 26 Sep 08, 1:55 PM property_of_MacCain US(PA), 10 mths Andrin wrote: The only way to go is to speak to his mother. She will tell him off Jeeshe, i wish i knew how to spell the hissy noise a cat makes. Wow. p I breathe because He allows me to, indulging Him indulges me. 26 Sep 08, 3:25 PM anjuli UK, 18 mths <splutters and coughs> So bad! ... and and yet so funny! <grins at Andrin who has already debunked the lack of humour myth / prejudice about his own countrymen!> Nobody mention the war! It'll be towels on sunbeds at dawn! <buttons her stiff upper lip and heads off for a spanking ...with the Sunday Times Magazine? ...in her Master's castle, I mean home?> a chuckling anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 7 Oct 08, 2:19 PM Rogers_Deb0rah UK, 7 yrs What worries me more is that while this is clearly an issue, the profile states that they are looking for another already to join them as her reward? Debs "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox