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	SD! : Web boards : Poly D/s : "help needed with Married sub" help needed with Married sub (7) Tue 26 Aug 08, 5:16 AM Master_Fusion AU, 2 yrs  she is married but not in any kind of D/s relationship, and is looking for a Master to take as much control over her as possible i am trying to help her find a Dom for her, what advice would you have for her and her possible Dom? 26 Aug 08, 6:30 AM Master0thedark US(CO), 4 mths  My first suggestion is to find out if her husband is interested in the lifestyle or knows of hers. For if she does find someone and her husband finds out it can cost her the trust and bond she built with him. You may want to think on how far you are willing to go to help her without this knowledge, unless you have found this out but did not relay it in your question. Master0thedark 26 Aug 08, 8:30 PM slavegail UK, 3 yrs  written with permission of NG1. Masterothrdark is right. be carful what you wish for. fantasy is not reality. this slave lives a total slave life. does the lady really know what she is looking for or could get herself into. this slave was punished last night for having an orgasm without permission and dribbling instead of swallowing such is the life of a slave.is this really what she wants. slavegail Owned property slavegail Property of NG1 26 Aug 08, 11:32 PM little_linnet US, 3 yrs  Master_Fusion wrote: she is married but not in any kind of D/s relationship, and is looking for a Master to take as much control over her as possible Which is none, really, if she wants to maintain a vanilla identity and egalitarian marriage as well. Sorry. Krista The thing you have to remember about girls is that the hyperfluid bearings under the camshafts can be miscalibrated along either axis, so regular maintanence is required to keep resonance in the titanium casing from causing abrasions against the primary sprocket joists. 27 Aug 08, 10:47 PM LovingSadistAlyssa US, 10 mths  My advice would be for her Master and her husband to stay in close communication at all times about her enslavement-- the expectations, the goals, the progress, and especially how each of the two men are going to define their roles in her life and how they're going to divide/share her time with each of them and her obligations to each of them. The Master will have to be someone that her husband likes and can get along well with. 28 Aug 08, 9:49 AM Rogers_Deb0rah UK, 7 yrs  little_linnet wrote: Master_Fusion wrote: she is married but not in any kind of D/s relationship, and is looking for a Master to take as much control over her as possible Which is none, really, if she wants to maintain a vanilla identity and egalitarian marriage as well. Sorry. Krista Sorry but I have to agree with Krista. How can you have control over someone if they are married to another person who can just as easily say, no sorry, but you need to help me sort the garden today and leave your slavey stuff for a few hours! Is this a need, a way out of her current situation, fun, release etc? What's her reason? If it is to be a slave and relinquish control and if her husband can't then maybe her marriage isn't steady anyway as her needs will affect their relationship. This could be a very messy way to start breaking up a relationship. She can be submissive and have fun totally and do some selected control at times, I wouldn't necessarily call that control over someone's life though. The limitations will affect control too much for someone like me. Deb "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox 29 Aug 08, 9:07 PM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs  Tend to agree with Deb - but to the OP, is she in an open marriage? If not, i'd stay out of it - A/anyone who can't keep T/their vows to T/their spouse will probably not keep T/their vows to the Dom/Owner either. i have a pretty hard-core view on integrity, taught me by my late Master/Husband (And learned the hard way as being the spouse in such situations, although vanilla, in prior marriages) Also just because S/someone of either and all gender types SAYS that T/their relationship is open, doesn't mean it is - which my AA sponsor found out the hard way in one case when she asked to meet the wife. (she's what i call French Vanilla, a swinger and so on, but not at all BDSM in any way - tried it, didin't like it). If she won't introduce you to the spouse to discuss it, i'd suggest You stay the hell away from it - lest You end up on the end of a punch in the nose or worse from the spouse and/or the Dom/Owner. To my way of thinking, too many F/folks around the lifestyle - notice i said around - want to have T/their cake and eat it too, without paying the price and/or being accountable in any way. And from what i see it doesn't work. i suspect and will keep saying it if it warns O/one person, that many of the abandoned slaves for no apparent reason and abandoned Owners too - as well as all kind of troubles in the L.D.R. type of encounter is because some would-be "player" is also in a long-term, allegedly-committed, vanilla relationship and either got found out or is afraid of being found out A/anyone - i do mean ANYONE - can say T/they are available, it doesn't mean T/they are. Although it was in vanilla prior times, been there, done that, wrote the book and sold the movie rights - in other words i got burnt bad By the way this did not involve Master - who had, but did not really need as i was Collared at the time, but He chose to give me the privilege of having a say - He had my okay to "play" online, although, as previously discussed, neither of U/us wanted a poly in real-life. Him being an ordained Priest in a Church, being the least of which reasons, but, nonetheless something very crucial to Him. MOST important to the extreme to Him. for those who haven't heard the other reasons more primary not to be poly were my insecurity and immaturity - couldn't handle it - and His dwindling health as He was dying and limmitted finances, etc made Him feel He coudn't do right by another woman, nor handle the stress with His health conditions. But with "play" online, i didn't have to hear or know about it and that i could handle - and the Church couldn't complain TOO much about, even if they did happen to find out, which they didn't as He was careful. But He said He would always tell anyone He played with online that He was happily married and it was ONLY play. Being a man of integrity, i am sure He did this - but not all P/people are F/folks with integrity, esp. THESE days E/everyone looks good on the I-net - nobody exposes T/their flaws for public scrutiny in personal ads, BDSM or otherwise. just more thoughts - my views are hard-core and old-style on this. i don't see many shades of grey when Integrity is concerned. To quote a speech i heard last night - without commenting on whether i agree with it overall or not, as this isn't the place, doing the same things over and over but expecting different results doesn't make sense And i laughed so hard that my incontinence issues took over and i missed the next part of said speech running for the bathroom. WHY you may ask? Well that's a saying from AA - which i've been sober in 21 years and Master was 26 when He died - and other related 12 step and traditions groups for the treatment of all kinds of addictions and compulsions. The full statement is "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results". Which is why i sometimes question the way i repeat myself on here - but at least it's mostly to different OP or O/others than i've said it to before, which, i would guess means it's only half insane. (LMAO - at me) But i don't fool myself into thinking it really changes what P/people will do up front - i only hope that when what i say happens perhaps S/someone will learn a little more quickly that way and not get burnt again and again. i figure those who've heard it so many times can scroll down through it. Like i said, if it helps ONE P/person, i think it's worth repeating myself - some of the O/others on here i think must agree with me on that as i've seem it done by O/others on occasion. But i do admit i am the queen of babbling on and on and on, so far as i know. (HUGE GRIN) As always, take what Y/you like and leave the rest. (ANOTHER HUGE GRIN) j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin 31 Aug 08, 1:30 PM LovingSadistAlyssa US, 10 mths  Hmm... well, I answered the way I did because it feels a little presumptious to Me to assume the people involved in a situation aren't capable of evaluating risks, consequences, and ethical concerns on their own... when he didn't ask whether they should, but really, asked for advice now that they've decided they should. That said, this guy didn't seem all that serious about his question, and I feel pretty sure that in this case the majority of advice here, warning that they probably just shouldn't do it at all, is probably dead-on... But I do think that if she IS going to look for a Dom to take as much control over her life as possible, then the best advice is for her husband to be and feel like a part of it. If the couple's already polyamorous (Poly D/s being the board this is posted under) and they were to find a Dom he can be good friends with, I don't see why that couldn't work out decently. and I'm honestly very very curious about other opinions on this, curious what advice they "would" give in this situation, supposing that the people involved are going to do it one way or the other. (The idea of a husband and a Dom sharing one woman is kind of fascinating, no? so how do you go about it?)