The Ownership Flag and Icons    [other banners]

	SD! : Web boards : Submission : "Acceptance of and submission to a disability" 1 2 3 4 Acceptance of and submission to a disability (39) 2 Sep 08, 7:33 PM NorthernWizard 14 mths Flowerbelle wrote: How can i salvage something and make my life still worth living? Dearest Flower Remember - a beautiful flower can bloom in the most unlikely of places... As someone with a progressive polyneuropathy I am losing sensation all over my body; I am unable to walk (I used to love rambling); am in constant pain and finally had to give up working 3 years ago - not to mention foregoing my hobby of calligraphy (now I can hardly write more than my signature!) - I only mention these things so you can see I am in a position to empathise with your situation. Others here have given some very good advice (especially about getting to the bottom - pardon the pun! - of the illness with your doctor). I personally found being able to name my demon was a great help. Looking at the way this thread has developed though, and as a former psychologist, my big concern would be if you let depression creep in. It's bad enough living with a disability without having to cope with anything else! If I were in your dom's shoes I would not only forbid you to get depressed but do my utmost to keep your mind active and looking outward... I still miss the things I can't do but, for me at least, it has been developing other things (finding what I CAN do) that has helped the most. I now get great joy from listening (REALLY listening!) to music, for example and (although my voice is lousy) I even sing aloud when I'm alone - something about that lifts the spirits and is a sort of work-out! You mentioned being unable to study - if you can why not just read for pleasure? It will engage your mind, and even enrich your life, without making too many demands on it. Through reading the Cadfael novels, for example, I developed new interests in herbs, forensics and the medieval period - I know I can't actually do much about them practically but finding out more, and thinking about them, keeps the grey cells active. Anyway I had better shut up! Look after yourself dear heart, (or find someone who can!) and seek out whatever can stimulate you... Perhaps the answer to your quest, in part at least, lies in becoming who you are now rather than lamenting over the person you once were - well, it worked for me! My very best wishes, NorthernWizard Edited 3 Sep 08, 12:01 AM by NorthernWizard 2 Sep 08, 9:42 PM 691-475-658 UK, 7 mths Flowerbelle wrote: Acceptance of and submission to a disability Hello everyone - i've recently had to come to terms with being virtually house bound because of my disability (absolute fatigue, muscle and joint pains) and i wondered if anyone had any experience of coming to terms with a disabling condition, and how they coped with it? Acceptance can be very hard. Hi Flowerbelle I have Lupus, Fybromyalgia, Endometriosis and Diabetes amongst other littler conditions (complete cow in a previous life) and I can totally relate to your wondering how to accept this is the life you have now. As far as managing to get around and getting the housework done.. it's true you do learn to just get on with it (or learn to not do it and blank the mess) and you do eventually learn to live with the pain physically... but the biggest struggle I have is getting my head around it if that makes sense... and I think that's what you're asking? I'm struggling in many ways too ... not with just the being stuck in bed for days at a time if one of the conditions decides to flare up... or the continual pain... or the feeling that I'm about as useless as a chocolate teapot... but also with how to resolve in my head that despite our dynamic it's hard to be a slave/sub to someone who is looking after you on a 24/7 basis. I've also gone from being one of those dynamic women to one who struggles to climb a flight of stairs or finish a sentence without forgetting half the words I want. I don't have many answers for you as I'm still trying to come to terms with it all myself... I have found a dark sense of humour works... and also finding something to do with little/painless movements that makes a difference to the household. For example I now sell beads online which I can count and bag from my bed and that brings money into the house... perhaps not the best example of what I suggest may help you but it's helped me not feel so useless. The other thing I've found with all these conditions is sometimes I have the attention span of a brain damaged gnat... and have learnt that's the best time to watch TV instead of trying to do something your body won't let you and getting more down and frustrated. I wish I had all the answers for you but would offer my shoulder if you ever just want to rant about the world... and it helps to know it's not just you it's happening to. And to everyone else who's suggested ways of coping physically with Lupus... thank you - there are loads I haven't heard before so will be giving those a try myself Lorii 3 Sep 08, 3:15 AM moncherie US(CA), 5 mths There are many of us who have disabilities.. I have narcolepsy and medication everyday. The state also took away my drivers license because even with the meds I have had some incidences. I was very lucky to find a MAN who was willing to take on my situation. Hopefully you will find (or have already) a MAN who will accept yours. Note*** I used the word MAN here to emphisise the responsibility it takes to own another. 4 Sep 08, 1:55 AM Flowerbelle UK, 14 mths Yes, i'm doing a lot of mourning, and grieving for the person that i was, and the person that i could have been. Everything that i was brought up to aspire to or achieve is now impossible. My whole identity has been taken away. I feel like i'm nobody. Such a huge upheaval. Like my whole life has been ripped up and thrown in the bin, and i have to start again. How did other people cope with this basically rewriting your own narrative? I've been deconstructed (as you can tell, my subject was philosophy) (THank you everyone for your replies - i will reply individually when i am up to it, but i am very weak, so it might take a while). 5 Sep 08, 10:47 AM 691-475-658 UK, 7 mths Flowerbelle wrote: Yes, i'm doing a lot of mourning, and grieving for the person that i was, and the person that i could have been. Everything that i was brought up to aspire to or achieve is now impossible. My whole identity has been taken away. I feel like i'm nobody. Such a huge upheaval. Like my whole life has been ripped up and thrown in the bin, and i have to start again. Hi Flowerbelle You've managed to put into words exactly how I'm feeling too. It didn't occur to me to call it grieving for myself... and the comment about everything you aspire to being impossible hits home as well. I was brought up to work hard and achieve as much as possible and the sense of feeling like a nobody is something I can relate to too. I can't work outside the home anymore but I can still work hard at what I can do now... and if it helps I'm being very successful with the help of M at what we do. Apart from my counting beads comment in my other post we have started our own business (details on my page) which would never have happened if I'd still been fit an healthy. Whilst I think what you currently aspire to has changed forever, being good at what you will/can do and working well hasn't... you will be able to achieve something great once you've found your niche and it will have the emotional reward of climbing mountains. The people I have met and spoken to in doing both beads and the other have confirmed that I can still make a huge and positive difference to other people's lives... and that has made me feel whole as a regular working person. I do still get upset at the things I want to do but can't but I'm sure that acceptance won't be too far into the future. I haven't yet come to terms with my emotional issues... especially the D/s ones... so don't feel able to give you any advice there I'm afraid... I only wish I could. But I do feel that once you've found something to do that helps with feeling like a whole person and feeling useful again... the emotional acceptance should follow afterwards... I'm looking at it in stages for myself... if that makes sense. It's like I've climbed the first bit of the mountain and while the rest of it's still looming up at me it's not quite as daunting as it once was. I hope that helps a little bit. Lorii 7 Sep 08, 7:10 AM kitten7_star US(KS), 4 mths I don't have much experience with M/s, but I do know a few things about acceptance, mainly because I suck at it. You essentially wind up doing one of two things: You wake up every day, face the problem, hate it and make yourself crazy, or you wake up every day, face the problem, let it go and get on with it. Either way, you wake up every day and face the problem. And so that's the first step - facing it. Give yourself time to get used to looking at it good and hard, acknowledging that it's there, and that it's not going anywhere. Then, if you can, remind yourself that the problem, your major change in health, isn't the totality of who you are. It's just an aspect, one part of a large picture of everything you have been, are, and will be. I've been working on this a lot over the last year, and had stagnated until very recently. Over the course of the last week, I've started to get my spirit and my motivation back, but in the meantime, I've been very bad to myself, and jeopardized my job. I can empathize with wanting to know HOW to accept something that seems unacceptable, and I wish you the best on your journey. You'll find your way. 7 Sep 08, 6:56 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 4 mths Y! accepting an unfavourable fate for ones life is the hardest thing one can do. i think the hardest thing i having people tell you they know someone with the same problem as you and making out like things arent that bad for you cos the person they know can still do things. to further that point, i suffer from IBS (irrietible bowl syndrome), and the worst part has been telling people and they say oh i know someone like that, they have a job and live a normal life so i should be able to. how did i accept my problem, havent doubt i ever will. how do i coup, well barely, but i have learnt what to do and what not to do. im 28 now and have been dealing with IBS for 15 years being in pain every minute im awake, even woken from sleep due to the pain, even had to stop during sex cos of it. but as i said i learnt what to do. i know what foods i can and cant eat, i saw a shrink to help deal with it, what to do to help clam me down, and how to get ready for what might happen. i know if i want to have take out not to get pizza, if i want to leave the house i have to take 4 imodium 2 hours before i leave. i guess the first thing is find out what you can and cant do then work from there. the next thing would be feel, if you feel like crying and saying why me do it, dont let your emotions bottle up. the most important thing is that your willing to talk about it, talking helps for sure. i dont think you will accept it, how does one accept not having the things they want, i think people just learn to deal with it. learn your limits, and then go about making the most of it. for example. i am in pain all the time, i will spend tons of time in the toilet, i know not to eat certain things, to much stress makes it worse, i know im stuck in the house pretty much 24/7. but i have a pc with the net, so i can visit sites learn about new tech, i can meet people i the net, i can play with my ps3 and psp, i can watch movies, and tv, i can watch pornos. its a shitty life, being stuck at home lots of time in the toilet, on the dole (unemployed) living with my mum and dad. but i have some things i can do, so i do what i can. i know its hard to hear, but never say never, there is always hope things can get better. if you want something to believe in, believe in science, there is a answer, there is hope. ill shut up now. btw if this reads funny, im also dyslexic. 9 Sep 08, 3:30 PM Flowerbelle UK, 14 mths Thank you, MasterAlan, Kitten and Lori this thread is bringing up all sorts of questions and really making me think about why i seem to be having such a problem submitting when other people seem fine with it - most people seem to say 'i just accepted it' and then go on to talk about what happened afterwards, and even 'i accepted it because i had to' but i was brought up that you never accepted anything you didn't like. Dunkirk, the Blitz, Winston Churchill speeches - 'we will never give in!' - officer and naval background - you fight until you win or you go down with the ship. The one thing you never do is accept!! Nobody has to accept anything. Stalkers never do. 99% of contestants on the X Factor never do. I don't have to accept this - i could go on fighting it, refusing to accept my limitations and saying things like 'if i just take B12 every day, i'll recover' - all the things my family and background say. But i want to submit. I don't want to go on being a raging domme all my life ordering people around and afraid to let my guard down, and to face reality. My lovely online Master had to force me to my knees to put my collar on me, and even so i fight Him still (not meaning to, just too ingrained). I feel the condition has done the same to me, forced me to my knees, but i could still deny it and fight it. Most people i think do spend their lives in deep denial, and even if you do want to change, it's a long slow process unpicking the training and conditioning from such a young age. Especially since i do still have the feeling they put in me that it's shameful and wrong and bad to submit. I will reply privately to everyone - sorry it takes me ages, please bear with me. If i could ask everyone - have you found a new purpose and meaning in your new lives? I just keep thinking, 'what's the point of me now?' Thank you. 9 Sep 08, 5:25 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 4 mths Y! im getting confused here, it almost sounds like you just want to give up and die, or am i wrong. no need to thank me dear, just trying to help. can you take b12 for it then?, if its everyday cant you just do that then?. ok thats a tough one, yes but no, im afriad i cant give you a happy answer to that, pretty much everyday i think why me, what the hell have i dont to deserve this, and wish i was dead. but i am 28 so i still have things i can do. mostly my folks have been what i do, back on the 22.12.2002 (us aussies do it that way) i was in a car, my brothers girlfriend was driving, my brother was in the front and me mum an dad were in the back, we were on our way to my sisters wedding when we missed a red light due to bad street design and afternoon sun, and we got hit my a bus, we all lived but my mum broke 4 ribs, and my dad had bad brusing on his chest. as the only 1 at home i spent 3 months with dad, and 6 months getting them well, and helping them with problems since. so thats been part of it. i can be an asshole at times, but i believe i can be a good master and mabe husband and father from what i have learnt from taking care of my family. i can like here help others, id give the shirt off my back to people i dont know. my best friends life is pretty hellish and im his outlet, we spend a few hours each weekend at my place playing my ps3 and just being guys. so thats pretty much what keeps me going, i still wish most days i would die, and not looking forward to being 60 and running to the toilet, but for now i am still useful, so that keeps me going. i take care of my family and friends, when im sad or pissed off then i go kill something in one of my ps3 or ps2 or psp games, and just do things that make me happy, surf the net, watch tv and movies,donate what few bucks i can spare to charity, jerk off every night. i know its hard when you feel useless to find something to keep going, but sometimes you just have to accept even doing small things can make a difference. dont know if that helps. 9 Sep 08, 5:37 PM Flowerbelle UK, 14 mths MasterAlan79 wrote: im getting confused here, it almost sounds like you just want to give up and die, or am i wrong. No MasterAlan, you're not wrong. I'm trying to find reasons not to, but that is the dominant emotion at the moment (the b12 was just an example). Next page