| to the OP - my late Master had a heart disease post MI, congestive heart failure and coronary artery disease as well as half of his heart being basically dead, cardiac catheterization films that i saw showed it unmoving except for a slight quiver and very enlarged - that was 2 years after in 98. i was "legally" not totally "blind" andsuffering from spinal disc derterioration disease during the 4 1/2 years i was Collared to my Master who had been my Husband for 10 years before - and remained so while i was collared to Him. This has got drastically worse in the last 10 mos. and 6 days - right now - since His death to the point i can't leave my home unless in a wheel chair or regular ambulance and for medical appts. only. i used to use exercise to help me cope but the spinal problem got so bad i can't even use an exercise bike i have that supports the spine. i had always been heavy but since i can't do any form of aerobic exercise, i've really got large - losing it since Master died because this diabetic forgets to eat now. (HE used to love to cook - and did so incredibly well) our disabilities also precluded sex for both of us, in the sense of F***ing. i'm not being prudish but my ISP is and has reprimanded me for using that word.
So how does one cope? sometimes better, sometimes i have a totally lousy day. acceptance is there sometimes and sometimes i get so frustrated i smash a dish or beat on pillows as i am able. Esp. with HIM gone as our disabilities balanced each other and i could do things for HIM that He could not do for Himself, while He did for me what i could not do myself. He took to the "Daddy' role in age playng well so that even when He was taking care of me, it really still was M/s as it was hiS way or the highway.
(And that was true throughout the marriage - i gave up fighting Him aftera while, but for a long time i let fear keep me from surrender.
i also have moderate asthma - can't burn incense anymore which is a B*tch- type 2 diabetes and High Blood Pressure.
Master also had COPD and emphysema - died of "Massive Bacterial, Infectious, Pneumonia" according to the autopsy.
which they said HE had had for sometime but it had just got the better of Him then.
i think the herbs HE used did keep it at bay to extend His life.
to cope, well i am more of a captive now then when HE was alive and i think HE - in the after-life - probably gets off on it. i use computer contaccts to keep from being isolated here and another BDSM group, an online AA list and Loners snail-mail AA to maintain my 21 years sober and recovering from alcoholism and substitutes, i spend a lotof time on the phone with a very vanilla friend and HIS mom who is a widow of 30 plus years herself. i also have a BDSM friend who was collared and married to the same man for 29 years and who has been widowed for 3. Her and HIS mom help alot. And i real a lot of Large Print literature - some mailed to me by the talking book library, i listen to classic oldies. etc.
But i think you mean how to cope in this way of life. That for U/us was odd - W/we each were able to do things that the O/other couldn't and W/we took care of each other. Oddly my skills were in areas anything but normally considered slave-like, but it was what HE needed from me - including alternate ways of pleasuring HiM for as long as that worked.
i did alot of the full-time work of filling out forms to get the disability support for both of us and from the VA, keeping up health insurance, helping him try to keep HIS checkbook balanced, talking to doctors which stymied Him and being the social contact between Him and His mom and His family as He and His mom were so much alike there was always friction - but HE always made all final decisions in these matters. i also dealt with 4 legal matters that came up --including identity theft, HiM going small claims after a company that wrecked HIS vehicle, an unwarranted eviction for which HE had all the rent receipts, and an appearance before a commitee of our city counsel to get a handicapped parking apace.
HE liked to cook, sew, knit, crochet, work with intricate bead work Native American style - i could only do simple things with larger beads. He did alot of the cleaning which HE said He hated but did because i couldn't see to get stuff really clean - but only after HE couldn't work full time, before that He was pleased with how i cleaned, but i think He was bored and couldn't just live in the computer - although He tried-it worked out with the age-play and because, as i said, it was HIS way or the highway, no back talk or complaints accepted from me - HIS "little girl".
it was an odd way of doing it, but it was the only way. And i have come to a deep appreciation for all hE did for me as it now takes 3 agencies, government pensions, and people from the CHurch He was ordained in to do what He did for me before the pneumonia- oh yeah, and one online, delivers to the door, grocery store. In fact thurs. night i had a melt-down because everything seemed so out of control - odd to say as a submissive. i never had control as a slave, HE made the decisions- and yet i felt safe and sure HE was to be trusted always or nearly always to do the right thing.
So now i'm coping with a lot of helpfrom all sources and it is quite humbling to have to fight for it - sometimes i get very tired of the struggle, and that Was true also when HE was alive - except then it was more HIM and me against the worldly agencies/government and otherwise. Now i feel so lost and alone and not sure of my own decisions, tired of struggling with agencies, bureaucratic ones, and begging the Church for help. it's hard.
The one thing i'd say is to cope it's got to be you and Your Owner and W/whoever else is part of your Owner's household if any have GOT to remain unified in dealing with this.
Besides Raven's excellent suggestions, i'd add research - know the disability or disabilities you are facing, whether for yourself, your OWNER, another household M/member or any combination thereof. RESEARCH it - and when a doctor tells you something question it if it seems wrong, look to second opinions and naturopathic practitioners of varius types.
Also learn about and research support groups for the disability online or live in your area, find out how other F/folks - vanillas even - manage with that problem. Learn Y/your rights under the law and what government and private agencies are available to help. QUESTION AUTHORITY.
And withn terms of the lifestyle, be creative - don't let others define M/s to Y/you, find Y/your own way. Master couldn't do sex- E.D. drugs would have kllled Him with the nitrates He took for chest pain - but He still enjoyed oral pleasuring and wet-dreams took care of the rest. And in His desire to take good care of HIS possesions needs He ordered me to have a daily orgasm in HiS hearing using toys
This is one of those places where Master's saying "Commitment is more important than Love" proveds true and
it's true now - having PTSD and bipolar sometimes i feel seriously in need of being commited since HIS death although i hadn't needed that sincee i had been collared. But seriously, if Y/you both/all want to make it work and are commited to making it work, then Y/you WILL find a way.
i've seen it happen with other disabled F/folks. It may be frustrating because it means that Y/you aren't getting so
many specifics here - but N/nobody can tell Y/you much as it seems to me each O/one disabled and that Household must find their OWN way. Esp. as regards to specific disability and
how bad it is now and the prognosis - how bad the medics think it is going to be.
Integrity and commitment will help Y/you and Y/yours find the way- when Life closes a door, i find it always opens a window somewhere. The problem is you may have to wait in a scarey, damp, smellhy, dark, scarey miserable, awful and horrible corridor for some time waiting until it does.
And that is panic-making at times.
Nobody ever told me it would be easy, but HE did tell me it would be worth it and HE was right. And Y/you both need supportive people around Y/you who understand and have lived with the specific disability, probably in a vanilla way, either on line or at times in face to face meetings.
Oh i also had mental health challenges in the form of PTSD and bipolar, which i still do.
Y/you can let challenges bring Y/you closer or drive Y/you apart, it's up to both/all of Y/you to make that happen.
Good luck! i find challenges brought U/us closer when W/we faced the really tough stuff.
2 more things - if the medical prognosis is negative for the future, try herbs as Raven said, tai-chi, reiki massage therapy, acupuncture or acupressure, AS WELL AS regular medicine
and when Y/you really get down do a gratitude list -either personally or Together - of what Y/you still have and are grateful for. It can turn around a down day in a hurry.
And when Y/you do have better days, mark them with red X on a calendar where Y/you'll see it - for the times when the light at the end of the tunnel seems like it may be an oncoming train - Y/you can look at the calendar and see that Y/you have had some decent days, so Y/you probably will have them again. Look for the good in Y/you.
Grab ahold of everything that Y/you can while Y/you can and leave no room for regrets.
Back in the 80's - about the time of the movie Philadelphia story - when there was very little treatment i worked with folks with HIV disease and Aids, their significant O/others, and those at risk, being in the latter category due to my 3d ex. T/they had a saying that every day T/they could choose to be P/people living with Aids or dying from it- i've borrowed that and used it to apply to my disabilities and Master took that type of attitude with HIS.
i know this is long, but it's very complicated in one way and yet simple in another way - that latter is in Y/your commitment to each other is simple. From that root, the complicated can become simple. But never, ever easy - as i said- and always worth it. For real - no regrets to how W/we lived together as M/s thats for sure.
((((((((HUGS)))))))) if Y/you can accept them and feel comfortable doing so. Y/you are not alone. Hang in there. j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin
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