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	SD! : Web boards : Submission : "Acceptance of and submission to a disability" 1 2 3 4 Acceptance of and submission to a disability (39) 23 Sep 08, 3:12 AM 691-475-658 UK, 7 mths Flowerbelle wrote: Morniel - thats very hard to come to terms with i find - medical negligence and incompetence - it hurts in a way nothing else could because they're supposed to be able to help us, not make things worse. And the utter helplessness of it! Nothing has made me angrier or more despairing than that. Flowerbelle That's also how I feel - in a nutshell. How are you coming to terms with that yourself... is that bit of it still too raw to overcome? I mean as separate to the emotional being sick/ill physical bit if that makes sense Lori 23 Sep 08, 8:39 PM Morniel US, 7 mths Lorii -- sorry, hehe "owies" is a term my children used years ago.... When you get hurt, you say "Ouch!" or "Ow!" so something that hurts, or something that is wrong, became an "Owie". Morniel's Special Place 25 Sep 08, 5:24 PM 691-475-658 UK, 7 mths Morniel wrote: Lorii -- sorry, hehe "owies" is a term my children used years ago.... When you get hurt, you say "Ouch!" or "Ow!" so something that hurts, or something that is wrong, became an "Owie". Thanks Morniel Love it - guess what new word I'll be using today Take care Lorii x 25 Sep 08, 9:04 PM Domme_deluxe UK, 8 mths Flowerbelle wrote: Yes, i'm doing a lot of mourning, and grieving for the person that i was, and the person that i could have been. Everything that i was brought up to aspire to or achieve is now impossible. My whole identity has been taken away. I feel like i'm nobody. Such a huge upheaval. Like my whole life has been ripped up and thrown in the bin, and i have to start again. How did other people cope with this basically rewriting your own narrative? I've been deconstructed (as you can tell, my subject was philosophy) (THank you everyone for your replies - i will reply individually when i am up to it, but i am very weak, so it might take a while). I think you found your own answer there. You reconstruct. I see my change from the person I was to the person I am now as just another change, we cannot remain a child as we become adults. I cannot remain the same person who leaped out of bed every morning, it is still worth getting out (carefully) though because I am more than just my body. I am more than the label pinned on me of mother, lover, Domme or daughter. My identity is who I am, not what I can or can no longer do, I am the sum of all my experiences. You and I are more than a weak body that seems to have betrayed us when we had so much left to do and so many plans. That expanse of experiences gained could be very valuable passed on to someone else. Just one post on here from you could help someone to find what they seek to know, you could help hundreds of people in those times when you can post here. To grieve for what was is a natural part of adapting to a change. I won't say it comes easy, it is a big upheaval to take in! The trick for me is to look at it from both sides and all angles not just the negative side as that's a good way to get depressed. I look at the whole thing and take time to reflect on what I value. I would be so much more upset if I could not hear, speak, type and giggle. Ah so what my body has failed a bit I'm still here! The challenge for me is not to dwell on what was and is lost but on what is and what can be and what I want to be. I value so many, many things that cannot be taken away. 26 Sep 08, 7:05 PM Morniel US, 7 mths By the way -- to the original poster and heck, to everyone... there was one thing said to me during all the cancer crap that actually helped. Morn, yer not a boob. Yer boobs are important to you, but you're not yer boobs. Rise above 'em. Said by a 72 year old granny, who was in the room next to me, undergoing her SECOND mastectomy, and who hung out with me and the other two "outcasts" in the smoking courtyard. You know what, she was right. Your body may be messed up. Heck, your body may not work worth a hoot in hell. But guess what? While we, your friends, know that your body is important to you, and we understand or at least sympathise with the frustrations of doing simple daily tasks... It's you we like. Screw the packaging *wink* Morniel's Special Place 28 Sep 08, 6:26 AM Flowerbelle UK, 14 mths so, Domme, what was the positive side of it for you (apart from simply being alive, which doesn't seem too positive to me right now). What things do you value that comfort you now? Do you feel there was a purpose in what happened to you? 6 Oct 08, 2:55 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 4 mths Y! you doing any better Flower?. 15 Oct 08, 3:18 PM Flowerbelle UK, 14 mths hi MasterAlan, thanks for your concern, and thanks to everyone who is posting - you have all given me such food for thought, and your warmth and sharing has really comforted me. i took everyone's advice and have had a load of new tests done, and am trying new medication, so hopefully this is the root cause rather than offshoots, which i have been slowly working my way through for most of my life now. i won't say what yet, cause we're not sure - but at least i have accepted now that whatever new tests/treatment are on the cards, will have to be suggested by me. The doctors have basically given up, and i am working my way through all your suggestions, and go into each appointment with a list of tests or maybe is it this?! lorie - i wrote a huge long reply to your question and was just about to send it when the doctors did their party trick again and i was so enraged i had to do the whole acceptance thing again! But i will send it. I do feel a bit better tho, ty, MasterAlan, maybe its the new meds, maybe the process of working through submitting is working its magic too. :_) 15 Oct 08, 3:43 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 4 mths Y! Flowerbelle wrote: hi MasterAlan, thanks for your concern, and thanks to everyone who is posting - you have all given me such food for thought, and your warmth and sharing has really comforted me. i took everyone's advice and have had a load of new tests done, and am trying new medication, so hopefully this is the root cause rather than offshoots, which i have been slowly working my way through for most of my life now. i won't say what yet, cause we're not sure - but at least i have accepted now that whatever new tests/treatment are on the cards, will have to be suggested by me. The doctors have basically given up, and i am working my way through all your suggestions, and go into each appointment with a list of tests or maybe is it this?! lorie - i wrote a huge long reply to your question and was just about to send it when the doctors did their party trick again and i was so enraged i had to do the whole acceptance thing again! But i will send it. I do feel a bit better tho, ty, MasterAlan, maybe its the new meds, maybe the process of working through submitting is working its magic too. :_) Your welcome. Glad i and other have been able to help, and glad you feel some what better, and i hope the meds continue to work for you. on a side note, im not really into it, but an old vanilla gf got me into natural therapy, perhaps you can try looking into that. i know there are certain aromatherapy oils which have an uplifting effect, not sure if ti will help, as i dont know much about your condition. not my thing, but if you are a believer you could try praying. im a science man, and i believe in modern medicine, but there are things we just dont know yet, like no one knows why IBS occurs or how to cure it, so medicine might not have and answer, perhaps alternative stuff might help. well if you believe in that stuff.