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	SD! : Web boards : Sex & Fetishes : "Help needed. " Help needed. (9) Mon 8 Sep 08, 3:39 PM 641-190-310 UK, 5 mths  Hey all, I'm not sure if I am putting this in the right place. I am female and I am very interested in the master/slave way of life. I am currently a virgin and I guess this is kind of my problem. I have a boyfriend we have been together a while and we occasionally role play where he is my Master and I am his slave, We have never had sex doing this just played with one another, using fingers, mouths etc. He has also spanked me not excessivly hard but enough to hurt and to turn me on. The thing is its when we do got to have sex in a "vanilla way" for want of a better word, that I just can't seem to get turned on and then I don't want sex. Also when we play in a master/slave way when he masturbates my pussy it kind of hurts but when I am in the mind set I enjoy it but when we are being "vanilla" I can't stand the pain. I also have lots of fantasys about being degraded and humilated and have various fetishes but I'm not sure if I carried them out in reality I would like them. I'm sorry if this all seems jumbled and I'm not sure if anyone would be able to help I am just at a loss at the moment. Thankyou for reading this. Confused x 8 Sep 08, 6:42 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 3 mths  well the pain is normal, if vanilla sex isnt getting you going, then try having M/s sex. well then thats just it, you wont know what you like sexually until you try it, if he loves you then just talk to him, if you try something and you dont like it, then dont do it again. 8 Sep 08, 9:17 PM 000-874-172 UK, 5 yrs  MasterAlan79 wrote: well the pain is normal, if vanilla sex isnt getting you going, then try having M/s sex. The pain of first time or newer encounters where the body isn't quite used to 'that', or 'reacting', or 'feeling' (something), can be a little difficult and different to handle, and more so if you can't relax because of it, and as such are tense and un-lubricated (dry); But don't be put off, and surely don't think that it's simply a case of 'nilla not being any good if you've not had an ample shot at all kinds. What gets Me here, is that the reality of M/s is vastly different to the simple act, or the mere fantasy of 'just' sex. That on it's own is quite ludicrous. Daddy's phay®(her Rights are Mine in reserve) 9 Sep 08, 5:54 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 3 mths  she said roleplay, so i meant if normal sex aint going to do it then have M/s as in a roleplay. and M/s relation has to start somewhere, bedrooms just as good as anywhere. 9 Sep 08, 7:11 PM 000-874-172 UK, 5 yrs  MasterAlan79 wrote: she said roleplay, so i meant if normal sex aint going to do it then have M/s as in a roleplay. and M/s relation has to start somewhere, bedrooms just as good as anywhere. Roleplay is fine, but it's a game ; games have their place in all our lives, whatever those games may be. I'm not saying for one iota of a second that M/s doesn't start somewhere in any case, I'm saying M/s (or D/s, for those that know and live with the differences) relationships should not be confused with a roleplay game; You try telling anyone of the serious M-types here, or their serious s-type counters that they are merely playing, and watch for their response. If you have something to say, then you should 'type what you mean ', in any case, and as such it will make more sense; That way, you can preview a post and bring clarity to your ideas here, and not 'cloud' the issue at hand at all. Daddy's phay®(her Rights are Mine in reserve) 9 Sep 08, 8:15 PM 641-190-310 UK, 5 mths  Thankyou for your input, I guess what I would like to do is take my relationship into full time M/s and I am certainly not taking it as a game, I just feel we need to start somewhere as the decision I will have to make is such a great one I want to be sure. No harm in that hey? I am very confused at the moment and so am seeking some help and I have been reading this site for ages not daring to speak out. It seems that you all seem so knowlegable and I hope I can I turn learn from you all. Thanks again for your help so far confused x 9 Sep 08, 8:59 PM 000-874-172 UK, 5 yrs  641-190-310 wrote: I am very confused at the moment and so am seeking some help and I have been reading this site for ages not daring to speak out. It seems that you all seem so knowlegable and I hope I can I turn learn from you all. If you really wanna learn from this community then there are two ways to do it; read, and ask questions; saying above 'not daring to speak out...'; why? you're a new part of this forum too, and if you're willing to learn, thereare some vastly knowledgeable people here. Confused? Yeah, ya not the only one, I can tell ya that fer nowt, and that's not being horrible, that's a fact - all path of the course, I suspect (on a good day for some of us, too) Daddy's phay®(her Rights are Mine in reserve) 11 Sep 08, 1:14 AM little_linnet US, 3 yrs  If what turns you on is feeling powerless -- whether that is in the context of a bedroom roleplay, 24/7 slavery, or something in between -- then go for it. I can't get aroused for vanilla sex either. It's not what I'm wired for. Either the sex act has to involve BDSM play or roleplay (which it did before I was owned) or the sex has to be in the context of a relationship where I know I have no power or choice (which it does now, even when there's no BDSM play involved in the sex, because I'm owned). I think arguing about whether a couple can play at being M/s or not is kind of beside the point here (and this *is* the Sex & Fetishes board, after all): the point is that the OP is normal, she apparently has a sexual orientation that includes submissiveness and/or masochism, and there's nothing wrong with seeking to accommodate that. Do what turns your crank. Edited to add: If what you're considering is moving into some kind of fulltime power exchange, then (aside from reading a LOT and talking a LOT) maybe a good idea would be to negotiate being under his power for an agreed-on amount of time, where he agrees to treat you as if you were his property and you agree to do your best to obey accordingly. From 8pm until midnight; for 24 hours; for the weekend; for one week. If the only limitation on his power is that it will "expire" at a certain time that you can't change, I think this can give you a pretty realistic view of what it could be like to be truly under his control. Krista The thing you have to remember about girls is that the hyperfluid bearings under the camshafts can be miscalibrated along either axis, so regular maintanence is required to keep resonance in the titanium casing from causing abrasions against the primary sprocket joists. Edited 11 Sep 08, 1:18 AM by little_linnet 16 Oct 08, 4:31 AM 411-076-035 US, 2 yrs  OK, so you are a virgin... It sounds to me that maybe you are fearful of losing your virginity... This is something that ultimately you will need to work through. Perhaps your not getting turned on for vanilla "sex" is because of this fear. I would recommend talking with your Master about this, and maybe He will be able to help you to overcome this fear. If you are waiting to lose your virginity, this may also be part of the issue because you do not want to engage in an activity that could put into jeopardy your ideal situation where you wish to lose it. I can understand the hesitation when it comes to an activity that might result in you losing your virginity. These are both things you should discuss with your Master and figure out a solution together. It is a very sensitive subject, and a true Master will understand this and find a way to make you comfortable. 7 Nov 08, 9:57 PM 641-190-310 UK, 5 mths  I cant understand why I would be fearful of loosing my virginty but I think perhaps in a way I am. I just get all tense and panicky and then my boyfriend/Master. Doesnt want to do it because he can see that I appear to be genuinely afraid. We have been trying small intervals at being Master and Slave and in general I am loving it. I really like the feelings it gives me. We havent really tried anything heavy yet but are starting slowly. We have been talking about our fantasys but I am worried that I wont be able to go through with them in real life. I am wondering if it would be easier if while we were playing he just said. "Now we are going to have sex" we have talked about this but he is worried it will trumatise me in a way and then our bond will be broken. Any more advice would be greatfully accepted. Thankyou x