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	SD! : Web boards : Service : "Looking for advice" Looking for advice (4) Mon 22 Sep 08, 5:04 PM 136-814-165 US(SC), 3 mths  Hi all, This is my first post and I'm not sure if I'm putting it in the right place so please forgive me if I am in the wrong. Also, please forgive the fact that there is a lack of paragraphs, I read how to do it and for some reason it isn't working. Master and I have run into a bit of a dilema and I was just wondering if anyone else is dealing with the same issues and if so how did you get through it? We have been together for a year and a half now 3 months of that being D/s time. He is trying his best to *train* me. I have a pretty good handle on a majority of the training and of course there are some others that are not so easy. My biggest problem however is that we only get about 8 hours of alone time a week. So due to this it is hard to get into the swing of things. I have two young children who are always around and of course I can't be naked, chained, and shackled. I know from reading the boards I am not the only one with children, so I am just wondering how you find the time to do the things you *want* lol If anyone has any information or advice it would be much appreciated. Thank you for your time. Submissive to the greatest man alive...Master_Al. Posting with His permission. Always and forever Yours. 22 Sep 08, 6:55 PM SurrogateFamily 5 mths  Best to meet other people's children to get a good sense of how to behave here... In a vanilla relationship, you hold hand, kiss, cuddle and may be naked with the kids around, but wouldn't have sexual contact. The same is true for your training: plenty of things won't effect the children at all. There are plenty of dreadful families with screaming abuse and fear. The only fear that can come to children with D/s parents is the unknown. Secrets are rarely good: kids find out. It's not good to try to be two different people - a lot of your trained behaviour will be fine with the kids around: when they're young it's just funny fun, when they're older you're 'interesting' and they see how much you both love each other (you'll be compared to other parents no matter how vanilla you act); later on they really don't care or want to know anything about what you get up to! BDSM is pretty universally accepted in most parts these days, so people who find out like to make out that they "knew all along". A lot of what matters is from the words available to the children. If they say, "Mummy isn't allowed on the furniture", that's going to be pretty embarrassing for most people. If they simply observe that "Mummy doesn't sit on the furniture", that comes across as less worrying to observers. A slave friend in 2005 who has 4 children from 2 to 14 had her ex-husband send photos of her and a letter saying what a pain-slut she was, to everyone on her address list. That included her eldest child, her parents and the children's teachers. The scary father and the divorce matter to the children. The fact that "mummy feels good when her special man hurts her" is something they seem to feel no need to 'understand' - it's their home world: their normal. She would never deliberately do anything they might notice, but they'll be less scared if they do find out more that they should. She's amazing at making time for herself in spite of her chaotic world and the openness, and being consistent are a part of the key. Baby-sitters and being selfish (don't let yourself get tired) help too! A lot is analogous to modern ways of dealing with vanilla sex: Adult time being called "bouncy-cuddles" won't offend other parents who hear the phrase; a sign on the bedroom door, "Warning: Naval Encounter in progress" gives a clear signal that knocks will be ignored without emergency priority. But only if it is _always_ used and you don't answer the knocks unless they give the emergency password! Explain that the louder mummy gets the more fun she's having and make any noise you make in front of the kids as a joke. They don't want or need to know the details. Of course a lot here depends on the local culture: I live in the UK and am led to believe that there are scary places like the 'bible belt' in the usa which are pretty backward. Local munches will have tales to tell. I don't know how old your kids are but we found the book "Toddler Taming" by Dr. Christopher Green to be a real arsenal of techniques for us to keep the kids contented and us free. There's a new version for older kids too, now - but I've not read it yet. Kids are great: the longer you have them, the more you realise you really didn't need to worry so much for that last stage! 22 Sep 08, 7:24 PM little_linnet US, 3 yrs  SurrogateFamily wrote: A lot of what matters is from the words available to the children. If they say, "Mummy isn't allowed on the furniture", that's going to be pretty embarrassing for most people. If they simply observe that "Mummy doesn't sit on the furniture", that comes across as less worrying to observers. I don't agree with all of your post but I think this bit is very insightful and really a crucial concept for making slavery + parenting work. Carolyn once said that if service looks like work it isn't well-done service. The goal of many of the s-types around these parts is to make service to their dominant look like it comes naturally and joyfully and they just happen to enjoy being exquisitely helpful and responsive. It won't hurt anyone's kids to see that Mom or Dad enjoys being helpful and doing things that make other people happy. In fact in our household the joy is spread around so that what the kids see modeled is that all the adults around them find joy in doing nice things for other people. They don't need to know that when Mr Linnet does nice things for me it's a favor because he likes indulging his favorite pet, but when I do it it's an obligation that he expects of me as his complete due. We don't necessarily do the exact same kind of nice things for each other but we both delight in making the other happy and that's what the children see. Uh, the furniture, right. My point is that it's possible to make a huge range of things -- from devoted service, to certain speech patterns, to not using the furniture or only wearing skirts -- look completely natural and normal to your kids and as if you have some harmless idiosynracies to other people. I wear a big locking steel collar. I got it before the current trend for "turian collars" when it was the only one of its kind I had ever seen, and when Mr Linnet and I proposed using it, folks on BDSM lists were aghast. What would the kids think seeing me in it? I tell you what, they haven't blinked an eye from day one. Mommy has a lip piercing and other body piercings, Mommy likes to wear big earrings in her stretched earlobes, Mommy wears a "neck ring". Ho hum. Nothing to see here. Make it look natural and joyful. It is, after all. Krista The thing you have to remember about girls is that the hyperfluid bearings under the camshafts can be miscalibrated along either axis, so regular maintanence is required to keep resonance in the titanium casing from causing abrasions against the primary sprocket joists. 22 Sep 08, 11:05 PM 136-814-165 US(SC), 3 mths  Thank you very much for your input. As far as the nudity goes not around the children. I had to laugh however because earlier this year my Master moved me to South Carolina USA which is smack dab in the middle of the "bible belt". So we can't be very open about anything and it makes it even harder because we are pagan. My children are 4 and 18 months. So they see me wear my collar (it never comes off except to be switched) I guess my real problem is that it is very hard to get into the submissive mindset when I'm not always being dominated. I need suggestions on how to not come out of that mindset. Thank you again and I look forward to more input. Submissive to the greatest man alive...Master_Al. Posting with His permission. Always and forever Yours. 23 Sep 08, 12:36 AM little_linnet US, 3 yrs  It's like keeping a violin tuned. There isn't a magic key to it. Over time you become more aware of how you're thinking and acting, you cultivate mindfulness, you develop your skills at communicating in a deferential way and discussing things without taking on a 'tude your dominant dislikes. Mantras help quite a few of us here, I think I remember. Something like "My job is to please Master," "My purpose is to be a useful object," "I am not my own person; I belong to my owner". Some people spend a moment in quiet meditation of their status when they first get out of bed. Some people mentally give thanks to their dominant for the food they eat throughout the day. Some people have a private ritual like touching their collar at certain times of day. Krista The thing you have to remember about girls is that the hyperfluid bearings under the camshafts can be miscalibrated along either axis, so regular maintanence is required to keep resonance in the titanium casing from causing abrasions against the primary sprocket joists. Edited 23 Sep 08, 12:38 AM by little_linnet