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	SD! : Web boards : Online & LDR BDSM : "the online thing and reality....... and questions" 1 2 the online thing and reality....... and questions (11) Moved from Submission Fri 26 Sep 08, 11:39 AM 000-712-283 AT, 7 yrs  hello to A/all, i am not sure if something like this topic exists already. if yes, then please one may shift it to the right category *smile* okay anjuli i understood and removed the text here sorry to have disturbed anyone and thank you for the answers bye for now the wolf girl Edited Fri 26 Sep 08, 5:13 PM by 000-712-283 26 Sep 08, 2:51 PM subbyjenny US(PA), 3 mths£ Wolf girl, i am sorry that he is seeming to be just a cyber player at the D/s lifestyle. That is certainly what it seems to me. Which can be fun, if that is what B/both want, but you want more and he seems to not be honest about what his expectations are, or maybe he is not really sure of what he wants. i think it is fair of you to ask him point blank what he expects if you are not getting a clear idea. Good luck! 26 Sep 08, 3:53 PM anjuli UK, 16 mths  You aren't seriously asking a bunch of strangers to tell you that this is in any way real, are you? I am going to write this answer for the newbies who are out there reading and coming at this from the same direction - with anything from slightly to totally misinformed cyber type ideas of what it is to be a slave. You already know that this is not reality, that he has no idea what he's doing, that he's only after cyber. You need to learn to differentiate hard between real and not real if you really want this life and not allow this sort of fool to waste your time... to think with your head not with your heart or what's between your legs - we're just as prone as the guys so don't bluster. You are responsible for who you choose and what happens online and off. None of the cyber scene was real and if you don't want it you can not start, or just log off. Get a grip or you will find yourself being wanked on (from a great distance of course) by teenage boys in all corners of the world and realise you've wasted your life! If you're a submissive woman of courage and worth, you can do this differently and make it real if that's what you want. Read here. Find other resources. Look at the links and books lists. Read lots. Ask sensible questions and plan what your route to finding a real Dom is going to be. Start with these... http://www.enslavement.org.uk/soyouwant http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding http://www.enslavement.org.uk/yld-enslave When you have learned about yourself and about the lifestyle enough to know what you are seeking, you can start to look properly and know that you have some chance of success. You need to expect different before you will get it. If you don't value you and insist on a relationship of value and real worth, then no-one else will bother to listen to what you want or need! If you run around throwing yourself at the feet of anyone who calls himself a dom, allow yourself to be talked around in a matter of minutes, hours or days, then the players are going to walk all over you whilst gleefully noting how many suckers there are out there apparently eager to be 'forced into service' ready to crawl around being drooled over on cam with mere hours of effort on the keyboard. Get off your knees, type a message telling him to go away, (as impolitely as you like) and stiffen your spine! Right now if you want your life to change you need to be a strong, determined, intelligent woman. It's down to you to protect and guard yourself for a future dom or master. Don't fail him before you even meet him by throwing yourself away! I've popped Admin a report to ask him to move this to online - just so you know. Please everyone read the descriptions and site instructions about what is on and off topic for each board before you post or you just make work for Tanos. anjuli ps. As I've said before I've been here... I've explored online as a safe way in... I do know that a cyber scene can trigger all sorts of emotions and feelings... but if you start deluding yourself or confusing it with reality you need to switch off and get some fresh air. ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ Edited 26 Sep 08, 3:54 PM by anjuli 26 Sep 08, 5:00 PM property_of_MacCain US(PA), 9 mths  i mirror anjuli's sentiments... just gave the same links on the "trying to be a slave" thread... If your looking for an online "master" fine... you got what you want. However, if you'd like to live in the real world, you really need to start looking in the real world. How can anybody enter a power exchange relationship with someone they never met? Please also read: http://www.enslavement.org.uk/soyouwant. Just because you are submissive in nature doesn't mean your cut out to be a slave. If you find a real Dom who takes this seriously...and isn't just wanking off to a computer screen... you might find it a rude awakening. If you truly want this lifestyle...the wanking cyber Dom will never fulfill you. Figure out what you want before diving in. Good luck. p I breathe because He allows me to, indulging Him indulges me. 26 Sep 08, 5:09 PM jakesemma US(WA), 14 mths  I concur with what anjuli said... One of the other things I would toss out there for reading material is this : http://jakeskajira.blogspot.com/2008/09/blanket-... its about consent, and making sure YOU know what it is you are consenting too and why its so important. Online is very different than real life. good luck. 26 Sep 08, 5:18 PM 000-712-283 AT, 7 yrs  thank You P. for your insight. i was not looking for anything before this man happened to me. i have had online relation in the past ... some years ago i have had real relation for some month in the past also i have gone down the net, because i wanted to go for the real thing. until now, it did not take place yes i will know how to ask and what to day thanks again the wolf girl 26 Sep 08, 6:11 PM property_of_MacCain US(PA), 9 mths  Please don't be discouraged. i know even the best intended advice can feel like an attack when your not prepared to hear it. The community here really is very supportive. i realize it is tough when you want something badly and it doesn't materialize. Be patient. The right Dom will come in His own time, you don't want to be already "taken" when that day arrives. Tomorrow will bring better things... i was 34 when i was collared ... and it was well worth the wait. p I breathe because He allows me to, indulging Him indulges me. 26 Sep 08, 9:19 PM 000-712-283 AT, 7 yrs  Dear P. i am anwering between your lines .. *smiles* property_of_MacCain wrote: The community here really is very supportive. *** i do believe that and this was the reason, why i postet my thoughts here. when i came to the slave register in 2000 it felt like i have found the place where to stay at. i wrote my weblog here and were searching around. but the slave register got closed and she never get message that it is available again .... through this man, she remembered and was happy to find her own registration still. *** i realize it is tough when you want something badly and it doesn't materialize. Be patient. ** oh yes i rmember, this sentence drove me nearly nuts in my very first days, when finding out who i really am i was reading days and nights, the castlerealm, was my site. i went to german bdsm board, discussing with lots of people, went to sm parties, were looking up D/s rooms. i was following all the links to helpful sites, and right now, i am tired to read new definitions.** The right Dom will come in His own time, you don't want to be already "taken" when that day arrives. ** yes i know. i changed the sentence into another way. i just say, the right man will come ....... i do not specifically look for a dominant again .... far too many sm and or so called ones have been crossing my way ..... both online and in reality ** Tomorrow will bring better things... ** *smilingly* yes it brought already better things. this man, the Master realized that she is very different as His former slaves .... now He is taking speed out, giving her time and giving himself time to grow together. He still wants this girl for real .... and she wil like to meet Him too ** i was 34 when i was collared ... and it was well worth the wait. **ohh sweet girl, i was 46 when i started exploring my nature. when i had time after being a single parent to check for myself. i am 54 now .... though not so much time to waste ... *smile* ... i am not in a hurry, but realistic and i want to live life at its fullest. this is also possible with loads of friends, with my little angel doggy ..... that this man touched my inner being again, was just more than only coincidence. usually i did not even respond to people from bdsm on messengers. nothing happens because of nothing. tho i will take time to find out, why this happened to me and Him. ** thank you again P. for your insights sometimes it is only good to write thoughts down, to become clear. p 27 Sep 08, 3:09 AM 662-935-655 US, 2 yrs  You know i have no experience with the cyber-Scene --- and every time i hear some slave/sub or would be talk about it i thank the Heavens (and Earth) for it. just a thought off the top of my head. j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin 15 Oct 08, 2:12 AM 000-712-283 AT, 7 yrs  the online thing ... hit me deep again. is it slaves who fail .... or is it Master who fails ... ???? tho where to start from. ?? when i met him, online, he was clicking on me ....like no other one. i was careful, not jumping into such so easy, wanting to check, if we really match. ... he was pressing, wanting to own me, wanting to be sure that i am serving only him. ... he gave me his collar, telling that we will meet as soon as possible, and he will collar me for real, for a life time. the online thing went on and it became strange to me. i did not feel safe again. his thoughts about reality, his fantasys made me fearing to meet him ..... as ordered to write mails and diary i shared my thoughts with him. there is one hard limit for me caused by sexual abuse. even out of love, i am not able to swallow. even if i wish so, i tried so many times in my life, vomitting starts immediate this very moment.cramps are shaking me. i told him every little thing, that he could be aware of my problems. .... the attention he gave was, you will swallow, if not i beat you. even in an online situation, he had shown, that he will hold hand above my mouth and nose to make me swallow. ... i told him several times, to please not force so much. to give me a chance to do it freely for Him, also punishment will just scare me and not help me to overcome this.. once i failed him, he wanted to block the contact with me for two weeks. i was out of order that very day. i could not imagine, why he did that on me. at least i offered a very bad thing .... i offered to punish myself .... and to show it in pictures to Him .... ohh he was proud about the colours on my body. i was happy that he did not leave me alone, as he said before. i wanted some guidance to not overdo the pain, but he said, do it and show pics. after that he ordered her to colour her breasts heavily, telling her he loves to see them so, and when being for real, they will have to be coloured all the time. ... i started fearing to meet him even. now, his thoughts about real life becoming more and more strange for me. ... we have never seen one another in person. i was showing me, myself, my children, my friends to him, he promised to show me where he lives and how he lives and also picture of him. never i got something. He had my telephon number, but i never got his number. tho time went by and i started thinking, getting my *normal* mind back, asking myself, is that what i really want. a complete stranger, who is just clicking on me, giving Him all what i am .... when asking him questions, he started telling that i am topping from bottom. that he will never allow this. i gave him respectful mails, telling my thoughts, my worries and that first of all we need to meet to look into one anothers eyes before anything is decided. .... i opened up my soul, to help him understanding what was moving me .... again he just give a three sentence email to her. telling He is the Master she is the slave and she has to accept it. He loves her, he wrote and he will care for her. today i asked for my release .... i fought an inner fight. i was showing it to him. i gave him the opportunity also to take a step back and going on not as forceful as he did. i wrote a letter to Him, peaceful, loving and thoughtful and when meeting him this nite, he just took the collar away, telling that she did not fail him, that she did fail herself. that she will never top him from bottom and that she is free. when i started looking up bdsm i had some good teachers both masters and submissives who´told me,that never a slave can be caused for soemthing what is going wrong. it must be the master who is asking himself, what did he do wrong. he placed the whole cause on me ... he gave the whole responsibility to me .... he said ... i want the release .... tho i have it am i so wrong with my thoughts ?? please any help of understanding what was going on would help me am i so demanding and topping also, when showing what i can and what not ?? is it really my fault .... am i the reason why it did not work out i was crying so bad, when we met last, he did not even raise a hand to touch my head or to help me getting back on my feet ..... only telling, if she wants to come back, he will be there ..... phewwwww gosshhh ... this is a long one.... thank you for reading my words ... thanks in advance if you are sharing some thoughts with me i am a bit lost right this minute .... knowing i will get back on my feet again ... no doubt ... bye for now the wolf girl 15 Oct 08, 9:28 AM nutshellsub UK, 3 mths  I too have been disappointed by an attempt at online submission. The advice of the others is very sound although I do believe that it is possible to have a power exchange with someone that you have not met. But you have to work at it and both Mistress/Master and the sub need to recognise that there are somethings that just have to be dealt with alone. For me though it was about security. Having someone that I could go to and who I KNEW would care. When other forces intervened, that sense of security went together with Mistress's attention. I have yet to send my request for release. In my mind though it has already gone and been accepted. I just need to be brave. You have taken that step and I know that is not easy. Well done. I hope that whatever happens in the future for you that you find happiness. Next page