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	SD! : Web boards : Online & LDR BDSM : "Hello." 1 2 3 Hello. (26) Tue 7 Oct 08, 2:49 PM 800-595-840 US(OH), 55 days  I wanted to take the time to introduce myself here in the site. I'm an uncollared slave in a LDR. And I've registered here for a few different reasons. 1) I'm a slave. I know who and what I am. That is a give in. 2) I'm looking for like minded people who I can share my thoughts with, and possibly gain some insight into some problems I'm having. But I still have a lot of reading to do here. It's nice to meet you all. AND a big Thank You to Admin. for the thoughtfulness in making this place available to us all. excell 7 Oct 08, 3:29 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 2 mths  well hello, welcome to the site. only way you will get answers for your problems is to ask. 7 Oct 08, 4:33 PM 613-411-535 2 mths  Welcome. Always ready to share with you, just memo or mail anytime 8 Oct 08, 1:40 AM 800-595-840 US(OH), 55 days  MasterAlan79 wrote: well hello, welcome to the site. only way you will get answers for your problems is to ask. Thank you for the warm welcome. I might be making a mistake, but I have carried this around so long now I'm almost desperate to find answers. And as you said, the only way to get my answers is to ask. I've been in a LDR with a younger Dom. He's from the middle east so the age thing does not matter. The problem is, I've been in this relationship for over 5 years and have yet to meet him. I do understand that the distance is more then a small minor problem. I'm in the US and he's in Australia. He was finishing up his Engineering Degree at UTS there. Now he's done with his studies; however, he says it will still be a long ways off before he'll be able to come see me. We will discuss it again in 6 months. By then it will have been 6 years. This is not just a simple relationship. This man actually did save my life, even though he was so far away. I was in deep, deep depression when we met on the computer in a chat room. I was in a wheelchair recovering from an accident and was told I would never walk again. He proved to me that only I could determine just how far I could go, and if I wanted something bad enough I could reach for it. He taught me how to reach for the stars and embrace them. I'm now out of my wheelchair 100% but still am walking with a cane. The doctors are dumbfounded. They have no idea where my fortitude comes from. He changed my eating habits. I've lost over 150 lbs after being in that chair for 4 years. He broke me of my cigarettes, caffeine, and chocolate addictions. This was done over a period of 2 years but I quit them all within 3 months together. I've been addiction free for almost 3 years; However, somehow he switched my addictions to him. But this waiting has put a toll on me. Each time our meeting date wheels round it's put off because of some new thing. Studies, job, sickness, and now he might be going back to Malaysia. -sighs- I might be putting to much on your plate. I just need some kind of assurance if you have some. I've waited these whole years to see him. I've been offered to move to Aruba, but I turned it down. I've had other interested in me, but again I've turned them down because I want my heart's desire. A few friends and family have told me to cut line and run, and sadly enough I have to admit, recently, that I've tried. But I can't. He told me once, "I will bind you to me with cords stronger then steel." And he did. Tell me you have some sage advice. excell 8 Oct 08, 3:40 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 2 mths  well i replied to your memo, and hopefully someone else will help you as well. as i said, you need to listen to what your heart and your mind say. its never a mistake to ask for help, but you just have to be prepared for what might be said. 8 Oct 08, 6:24 PM 800-595-840 US(OH), 55 days  MasterAlan79 wrote: well i replied to your memo, and hopefully someone else will help you as well. as i said, you need to listen to what your heart and your mind say. its never a mistake to ask for help, but you just have to be prepared for what might be said. Thank you MasterAlan. I too responded to your memo, and I've been welcomed by another member. I'm willing to listen, but I find my heart and mind not on the same track lately. How I wish sage and salt came in the same shaker. excell 9 Oct 08, 9:10 AM masterfiremaam US(AZ), 2 yrs  A Master I admire quotes his spiritual teacher often. I quote the Master... Ask yourself three questions: 1. Who are you? 2. What do you want? 3. What are you prepared to pay for it? Answering 2 and 3 often, but not always, leads to the answer for 1. So, what do you want in this relationship? Really, truly, define what you want. Share that with your Master...then see if the two of you can work to make it happen. My gut is saying move to Aussie, but it's YOUR journey. Master Fire ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh Hai! Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9 Oct 08, 3:52 PM MasterAlan79 AU, 2 mths  800-595-840 wrote: MasterAlan79 wrote: well i replied to your memo, and hopefully someone else will help you as well. as i said, you need to listen to what your heart and your mind say. its never a mistake to ask for help, but you just have to be prepared for what might be said. Thank you MasterAlan. I too responded to your memo, and I've been welcomed by another member. I'm willing to listen, but I find my heart and mind not on the same track lately. How I wish sage and salt came in the same shaker. excell your welcome, well listening is the first step but you need to get your mind and heart in the same place. 10 Oct 08, 2:49 AM 800-595-840 US(OH), 55 days  masterfiremaam wrote: A Master I admire quotes his spiritual teacher often. I quote the Master... Ask yourself three questions: 1. Who are you? 2. What do you want? 3. What are you prepared to pay for it? Answering 2 and 3 often, but not always, leads to the answer for 1. So, what do you want in this relationship? Really, truly, define what you want. Share that with your Master...then see if the two of you can work to make it happen. My gut is saying move to Aussie, but it's YOUR journey. Master Fire I do believe in most situations your comment is true. Answering of 2 and 3 would lead you to answer 1. However, I do not believe it is in my case. What do I want? I don't want just a dream. I want the man who seen the spark of life dwindling away. The man who carefully and painstakingly nurtured it until it flare into a tiny flame. I want the one who breathed upon, and held my beating heart within his own two hands after he took it from me. And he refused to give it back. Instead he placed it in a velvet box that I don't have access to. I want the man who would not bend, and became the answer to so many things I need. Who proved neither of us were perfect, but we're perfect for each other. I want the man who challenged me when and where no one else was able to reach beyond what they seen. I want more then just the man. My sisters and I are different, and I know it was from our upbringing. They are miserable most of the time in their lives. They try to conform into what the world believes they should be. I might be an uncollared slave or submissive, but at least I know what I am and know how I want to live. And that is the point. I do want to live life to its fullest. Not masque my wants and feelings so nilla people will accept me as one of their own. I want more then just the dream. How much will I pay to get it? Sometimes I feel as though I would pay much more then I already have. And I don't mean monetary value. The accumulated hours of study, discipline and research that brought me to my self awareness alone I could not put a price on. And there are changes yet to be made. There will always be changes. I've learned that wanting change and bringing it about takes patience. That was an older lesson. This new lesson: Everyone changes, but just because they do, that does not mean we are all on the same timetable. As another member brought to my attention, I've never met this man. If I emptied my savings and ran to Australia what are the chances I would be there just or more so alone then I am now? He's made it more then evident that he does not want me spending my funds. It's his responsibility, and his alone. To him it would bring disgrace by bringing myself to him. So I will wait another 6 months. We will discuss it again. I suppose that answering 2 and 3 does answer 1 on a level. But I can't say I like what I see. The potentiality of an extraordinary adventure could turn into a very horrific reality if in fact my 6 months wait is then carried over again to another 6... then another. One day I could wake up to turn the calendar page over to visit another year, two or six. I'm either a very patient and understanding woman with a strong streak and tenacious nerve to not crumble under the weight of such great adversity (although there are times I feel close to crumbling.)..... Or I'm a fool. I would rather believe that my character held more substance then cheap vaneer. excell 10 Oct 08, 12:05 PM 000-874-172 UK, 5 yrs  800-595-840 wrote: I'm either a very patient and understanding woman with a strong streak and tenacious nerve to not crumble under the weight of such great adversity (although there are times I feel close to crumbling.)..... Or I'm a fool. I would rather believe that my character held more substance then cheap vaneer. It seems you have great strength of character, no matter which way this turns out; but consider this.. I wonder what the case would be if you said to him you'd booked a flight to be by his side and you'll be there in three days to spend the rest of your life with him, and that you don't care about anything else, you're going to uproot and leave on that plane..? The thing is, I suspect there will be people here that will shoot me to hell for saying this (and that's fine, not everyone has this happen to them, and good luck to them); I had an Online/Phone/LDR partner, who I'd been 'with' for a while, and the whole relationship was on her terms; we had a date to meet, but she kept moving it, so I decided to call her bluff, and see how she'd feel if I went out sooner, and looked at air fares. I picked a reasonable flight, that I'd 'booked it', and gave her the time and date of leaving and arrival - in two days time; I spoke to her friend the day after I did that, and she said my partner had to go away and she wouldn't be back for a week or so, and that I was to cancel it. See, what I'm saying is, all the times we'd discussed when we were gonna meet up was on 'her' terms - but if I pushed, she put the date back - when the date got closer - she pushed it back and changed it 'just because'; Personally, I don't think you're a fool, and actually, I think the guy's done you a lot of favours, if you've been abe to place faith in 'something' to achieve all you have like that. Putting your heart and mind in the same place isn't necessarily going to be the right thing for you to do; one will know more what it wants, whereas the other will be less functional in an uncertain situation; getting them together can just make tings more confusing. The stronger of the two can calm the weaker one first. Look at it this way; if all of my heart, and all of my mind were in the same place; I'd be dead by now, I needed to retain and maintain seperate control of each to have the strength to walk away from a bad situation and not see my kids anymore. Staying would surely have led to my death; I've got the scars to prove it, too. Lovingly Owned by ~Miss Phay~ 11 Oct 08, 5:14 PM 800-595-840 US(OH), 55 days  000-874-172 wrote: 800-595-840 wrote: I'm either a very patient and understanding woman with a strong streak and tenacious nerve to not crumble under the weight of such great adversity (although there are times I feel close to crumbling.)..... Or I'm a fool. I would rather believe that my character held more substance then cheap vaneer. It seems you have great strength of character, no matter which way this turns out; but consider this.. I wonder what the case would be if you said to him you'd booked a flight to be by his side and you'll be there in three days to spend the rest of your life with him, and that you don't care about anything else, you're going to uproot and leave on that plane..? The thing is, I suspect there will be people here that will shoot me to hell for saying this (and that's fine, not everyone has this happen to them, and good luck to them); I had an Online/Phone/LDR partner, who I'd been 'with' for a while, and the whole relationship was on her terms; we had a date to meet, but she kept moving it, so I decided to call her bluff, and see how she'd feel if I went out sooner, and looked at air fares. I picked a reasonable flight, that I'd 'booked it', and gave her the time and date of leaving and arrival - in two days time; I spoke to her friend the day after I did that, and she said my partner had to go away and she wouldn't be back for a week or so, and that I was to cancel it. See, what I'm saying is, all the times we'd discussed when we were gonna meet up was on 'her' terms - but if I pushed, she put the date back - when the date got closer - she pushed it back and changed it 'just because'; Personally, I don't think you're a fool, and actually, I think the guy's done you a lot of favours, if you've been abe to place faith in 'something' to achieve all you have like that. Putting your heart and mind in the same place isn't necessarily going to be the right thing for you to do; one will know more what it wants, whereas the other will be less functional in an uncertain situation; getting them together can just make tings more confusing. The stronger of the two can calm the weaker one first. Look at it this way; if all of my heart, and all of my mind were in the same place; I'd be dead by now, I needed to retain and maintain seperate control of each to have the strength to walk away from a bad situation and not see my kids anymore. Staying would surely have led to my death; I've got the scars to prove it, too. You have so many good points, but I honestly do not know if I can take that one and possible last step. However, I will think about it. But I still don't believe I could tell him I've booked a flight and I will be there within X amount of days. Especially if he allows me to come, then I would have to admit it was a lie. THEN it Would be over. I would have to do it in earnest or not at all, and that will just take more time. A friend of mine told me I was torturing myself. And I can see his point of view. excell Next page